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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tricky friend

27 replies

olidora63 · 26/06/2021 18:44

It is a friends birthday next week and she went away for a holiday on Friday. I have been ill with chest infection this week so hadn’t sent her a card in the post . I went to work on Thursday and did a detour to her house and delivered card into her letterbox . I didn’t knock because I was in a rush to get to work. I text her later to say that there was a card for her in letter box . Received a very sarcastic reply that she saw me drive away and it would have been nice if I had bothered to stop for a quick chat . Was very taken aback by her reply and apologised explaining I was on my way to work and hope she has a lovely birthday. She replied saying that she had forgotten ‘I like to get to work early’ very passive aggressive and not what I would ever think if a friend bothered to deliver a card to me ! Am I being unreasonable to be massively pissed off with her ?

OP posts:
LawnFever · 26/06/2021 18:46

What a bizarre reaction, is she normally such hard work?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/06/2021 18:48

Its a bit weird that you didn't leave 10 minutes earlier so you could hand it over and have a quick chat since you were going to the effort of going there anyway.

All in all its a bit of a non issue though really.

Daisydrum · 26/06/2021 18:49

One should always be grateful when they receive a card or gift.
It’s lovely she wants to catch up with you but the way she’s going about it would actually push me further away. Perhaps suggest a time that would be convenient? And see what she says.

Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 18:57

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Its a bit weird that you didn't leave 10 minutes earlier so you could hand it over and have a quick chat since you were going to the effort of going there anyway.

All in all its a bit of a non issue though really.

I had to take dog to the vet ,so I was really in a rush ! Had spoken to her on the phone the day beforehand and said I would drop a card over if I was feeling better . I personally would be happy if someone had made the effort to ensure I had a card from them .
OP posts:
Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 19:00

@LawnFever

What a bizarre reaction, is she normally such hard work?
Yes she is . She has lost so many friends over the years but I have always tried to be loyal to her but am now wondering if I can be bothered anymore!!
OP posts:
Livingintheclouds · 26/06/2021 19:02

Well I was going to say with friends like that...

Merryoldgoat · 26/06/2021 19:03

She has lost so many friends over the years but I have always tried to be loyal to her

Why?

Friends should lift you up and make feel great. She loses her friends for a reason.

Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 19:17

@Merryoldgoat

She has lost so many friends over the years but I have always tried to be loyal to her

Why?

Friends should lift you up and make feel great. She loses her friends for a reason.

Your comment has really made sense. I have really tried to give her positive vibes over the years and probably given her too many chances to be a nicer person! She can actually be a really thoughtful person at times but she is too quick to criticise people and the glass is always half empty mentality.Thank you for your reply.X💐
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MadMadMadamMim · 26/06/2021 19:20

I wouldn't be friends with someone who was quick to criticise. Your friend sounds draining, to be honest.

I think I'd stop bothering. She's rude and hard work. Friendships shouldn't be like that.

TheNewMeIsHere · 26/06/2021 19:34

I had a close friend who turned out to be like this; it was things like this that caused me to start distancing myself from her. She has also lost a lot of friends over the years, including some I'm still close to.
All she had to do was text to say thank you! By all means ask why you didn't stop for a chat but then accept whatever your reason was, not belittle you with PA nonsense.
If I were you I'd start slowly distancing from her, you don't need friends who make you second guess everything Smile

LawnFever · 26/06/2021 19:38

Yes she is . She has lost so many friends over the years but I have always tried to be loyal to her but am now wondering if I can be bothered anymore!!

God I couldn’t be bothered, tell her it’s the last time she’ll have to worry about getting a card or any of your time at all and do what everyone else has and move on.

Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 19:41

Thank you for the replies…I really can see now that the friend is the unreasonable one. Absolutely no backstory…she is just too much like hard work.I was wondering if it was me being sensitive but historically I know that is not the case .X

OP posts:
NigellaSeed · 26/06/2021 20:07

Yeah I would not in a million years be anything but grateful that a friend dropped a birthday card in for me.

It's a shame for her, she's going to have to change or she's headed for a lonely path.

Aprilx · 26/06/2021 20:42

Did she actually say that about you being “bothered” to have a chat?

If she did, then I probably wouldn’t bother again.

the80sweregreat · 26/06/2021 20:47

Nasty piece of work.
I would distance myself from her as she clearly only likes things on her terms.
She'll be lonely in life with an attitude like this.

stealingbeauty · 26/06/2021 21:08

I’ve had a couple of friends like this in the past and I ended up distancing myself and eventually cutting contact with them. Life is too short for this.

Looubylou · 26/06/2021 21:21

I must admit I find it rude when people put cards through the door, when you are in. I always at least knock and say Happy what ever, really sorry I've got dash, speak to you tonight, or whatever. However, as your friend, I would not have done what she has, I'd just text thankyou and move on. I wouldn't write this girl off as a friend, as you admit she has her good points. Just don't rise to the bait or bend over backwards to appease her either. I have friends, who I just accept have their faults, if the good outweighs the bad.

DeadGood · 26/06/2021 21:42

On the face of it, it doesn’t sound like her initial reply was sarcastic - merely factual: she saw you drive off, but would have liked to see you. Seems reasonable to me (except for the lack of thank you!).

Her follow-up also doesn’t sound passive aggressive to me: she admitted she’d forgotten you like to get to work early.

However it sounds like there’s backstory and maybe the tone she conveyed was different.

HollowTalk · 26/06/2021 22:10

She really does sound like hard work. Only stay friends with people who make you feel good about yourself. If you'd stopped to talk for 10 minutes she'd be complaining it wasn't longer.

altiara · 26/06/2021 22:17

Some people would complain if you knock on the door for a quick chat, so you did what you needed to do.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 26/06/2021 22:19

She’s being a dick

Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 22:27

@DeadGood

On the face of it, it doesn’t sound like her initial reply was sarcastic - merely factual: she saw you drive off, but would have liked to see you. Seems reasonable to me (except for the lack of thank you!).

Her follow-up also doesn’t sound passive aggressive to me: she admitted she’d forgotten you like to get to work early.

However it sounds like there’s backstory and maybe the tone she conveyed was different.

The back story is that she is so easily offended !! Just feel that I have always been too compliant over the years.
OP posts:
tenredthings · 26/06/2021 23:01

Maybe just be as blunt back to her. Tell her you found her attitude a tad ungrateful and her unwillingness to take on board your time pressures a little selfish but that you're going to let it go this time as it's her birthday !

Original poster
olidora63 · 26/06/2021 23:15

@tenredthings

Maybe just be as blunt back to her. Tell her you found her attitude a tad ungrateful and her unwillingness to take on board your time pressures a little selfish but that you're going to let it go this time as it's her birthday !
Thank you for your reply. I think that she needs a wake up call so shall wait until I hear from her !
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Original poster
olidora63 · 29/06/2021 22:13

So I have shown her text messages to various friends…not to be nasty but to validate my thoughts…everyone is shocked that someone could be so bitter and unkind..so am definitely moving on …I really do genuinely hope she enjoyed her birthday 🙄

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