Play dates & mums meet ups

[Itsallabitmeh]

It’s all a bit boring?

Years of fertility treatments, during which I’d dream of the times I’d take my baby/child to the playground and to meet other mums and for play dates..Aibu to find it all a bit.. meh? 🤷🏻‍♀️
Perfectly nice mums, but all pretty stilted & polite with each other, not much to talk about, if you can talk for watching the kids constantly. I really looked forward to these times and keep trying and persevering but generally come away feeling a bit flat.
I really thought (hoped) I’d make some good friends as I have in other areas of life-school, uni, work etc

My DD is now 2 and a half and I have three really close mum friends and about ten mum friends I do playdates with. Met them through NCT and baby classes. We go for drinks without the babies too. It takes a little while to figure out who you actually click with on a deeper level.

The main win though is that DD really looks forward to seeing her little pals and they play together nicely so us mums can sit and have a cuppa. Worth the effort for that!

@DysmalRadius 🤣 No, not at all, I don’t mind chit chat really and I know what you mean about being on best behaviour, I also feel there is sometimes some awkwardness around some mums (not me around them, just in general in the group) it is a weird situation though

@problembottom You see, that’s what I’d love and sort of have, but only with a couple and the others don’t really either, as far as I can see. Covid hasn’t helped much though 😞
I came away the other day just feeling a bit flat and disconnected and missing my ‘Other’ friends, some who happen to be mums, some who don’t. I suppose it’s just who we click with and have friendship chemistry with really

I'm about to do an evening meetup for the first time with 3 mum friends and our "babies" are nearly 3. It has taken us a very long time to get past small talk!

I've found such a wonderful group of mums who I have lots in common with and aren't draining and competitive. Now I've met them I honestly have found the opposite ie that having met them makes the day to day mum life less routine. Maybe you just haven't met the right people? Or it's just simply not your thing.

It takes a while to find a good friend/group OP. It’s not you, in short!

Be careful what you wish for- many threads on her decrying the drama and politics of mum friendship groups!

Oh gosh yes. We had some ridiculous histrionics about being left out from one person, and we were all too sleep-deprived to respond kindly...

I think you’ve been unlucky. I’ve unexpectedly made some great friends through my children.

Don’t worry @Itsallabitmeh, it’s not you I promise!
I felt the same when mine were little. I used to leave baby groups and activities feeling so flat because everyone seemed to know each other and I would just only get to really polite small talk.
It all changed when they started school nursery. It seems to click more because generally people are more invested in making friendships because they know they’ll be seeing you for the next 7/8 years. You will start doing play dates and going to activities together and you will find a crew!! x