Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour and drive problem ---- advice need ASAP

23 replies

Drovememad · 25/06/2021 12:21

NC for this ....

We have a drive (second property, currently holiday home), it is a shared drive and in a very poor state, it needs to be replaced.

Our neighbour is extremely difficult, they moan at everything we do, they moan about other neighbours and complain to council about fences (not ours, the other side of them, which of course was completely legal).

We agreed where our drive is coming to, the dimensions were on our deeds, we have made a mark with our sub contractor and neighbour and it was agreed.

It will entail removing some concrete, which our subcontractor is going to do and it will not damage her property, all this has been discussed.

So. sub contractor and I agreed work to be done this week, I will be going to property later today and will then be there for the rest of the week.

Sub contractor arrives this morning and starts work (not on her side of the property), she comes out and start creating, a weeks notice is insufficient for her (not sure why, she only needs to park to the right of her drive. In my email telling her when the work is being done, I said that I would pay for cleaning after (it will be dusty), windows and car etc.

I am not sure what she is complaining about if I am honest, she says that she should have had more notice, but I am not obliged to give any notice. She said she has had to take a day off work, because she doesn't trust me and she doesn't trust the sub contractor. The sub contractor lives in the same road and she knows him well, his work is excellent and he is the cleanest worker I know. He would not abuse anything and as an example a friend of mine used him and again it was a dusty job, so she went to her neighbour when it was finished and said if you need the windows cleaned let me know, the neighbour said "the sub contractor did them, cleanest they've been in a long while!".

She want's to meet with me this afternoon, fine, but I have up until now played fair, I've met with her agreed boundary, informed her that the work is being done etc,

She said to the builder that I am horrible to her, I am not. She has also said to me that her neighbour the other side is horrible to her, they're nice people from my dealings with them.

She's going to moan that "I didn't give enough notice", that's all she can say, but again she doesn't need to do anything other than park a little further over.

Am I justified with now saying "enough", Im not interacting with this anymore. Up until now i've been really nice, but I now need to be firm and say I don't want to discuss anymore with her?

OP posts:
Nsky · 25/06/2021 12:24

Stick firm, and say I’m sorry it’s not the way you want it , sorry that’s the way it is

ClaudiaWankleman · 25/06/2021 12:25

Who owns the drive? Is it your drive that they have right of access over? If so, just carry on. If it’s a holiday home then I doubt bad relations will affect you too badly anyway.

If it’s joint ownership then they surely must have agreed to the work taking place (and are they financially contributing?). That makes it more complicated I think.

MeridasMum · 25/06/2021 12:27

You'd be perfectly justified in saying this (or worse)!
You've played nicely with her but it still isn't good enough. She can f right off!!

Drovememad · 25/06/2021 12:31

@ClaudiaWankleman

Who owns the drive? Is it your drive that they have right of access over? If so, just carry on. If it’s a holiday home then I doubt bad relations will affect you too badly anyway.

If it’s joint ownership then they surely must have agreed to the work taking place (and are they financially contributing?). That makes it more complicated I think.

It is ours.
OP posts:
crimsonlake · 25/06/2021 12:31

Probably the issue is that you have been too considerate already. Some people will moan about anything. I personally would be too busy to meet as there is nothing left to discuss really. Good luck.

Drovememad · 25/06/2021 12:32

@crimsonlake

Probably the issue is that you have been too considerate already. Some people will moan about anything. I personally would be too busy to meet as there is nothing left to discuss really. Good luck.
I think you may have a point
OP posts:
Bumzoo · 25/06/2021 12:34

Tell her straight. You didn't have to give any notice and most people wouldn't have.

You aren't discussing anything with her while she continues to tell people you aren't nice to her etc. The end.

FlorrieLindley · 25/06/2021 13:10

Nothing to discuss. Let her get on with it. Don't meet up.

KitKat1985 · 25/06/2021 13:14

YANBU. I think you need to be clear now that you've been more than fair and that you are entitled to do work on your property, and she needs to mind her own business.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2021 13:19

Ugh it's such a drain to have difficult neighbours like that, I'm with the others minimise your contact with her any discussions just give her more room to be an ass

DameFanny · 25/06/2021 13:29

Sell the house, do your bit for the housing crisis, neighbour becomes someone else's problem.

DynamoKev · 25/06/2021 13:32

I know this is waaaayyy of topic but isn't the person doing the work your Contractor? How would they be a sub contractor?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 25/06/2021 13:42

From my years of experience as a complaints manager apply the following 2

  1. Dont try to reason with the unreasonable
  2. if the harder you try to make someone happy, the further away happiness gets, stop trying.

Crack on op.

HasaDigaEebowai · 25/06/2021 13:47

Is it a shared drive ie all jointly owned or does one party own it all with the other party having right of access or is there actually a defined split of the land.

If 2 or 3, crack on

If 1 then you have a problem

HasaDigaEebowai · 25/06/2021 13:48

Although if it’s 2 or 3 then you should be doing the whole thing, not just half

HasaDigaEebowai · 25/06/2021 13:49

Id whack a fence up down the boundary too

GenuineKlatchianPottery · 25/06/2021 13:53

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy and the pig enjoys it.

starfishmummy · 25/06/2021 13:53

We need a diagram...

pussycatlickinglollyices · 25/06/2021 14:00

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy and the pig enjoys it.
^ Yup 🐷

OP, don't engage and don't apologise.

A new boundary fence might be a good idea too.

MissConductUS · 25/06/2021 14:33

It's her choice if she wants to take days off work. She's simply trying to see how much she can manipulate you.

billy1966 · 25/06/2021 19:07

@GenuineKlatchianPottery

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get muddy and the pig enjoys it.
Great saying.
PepsiMax91 · 26/06/2021 13:32

How did it go?

Drovememad · 26/06/2021 18:25

@PepsiMax91 I just realised I updated yesterday on the wrong thread! 🤦‍♀️!

Well..... it was like a completely different person. We arrived she was standing outside crossed armed!

We got out of the car, greeted the subcontractors, normal niceties and introduced my brother and partner

I looked across and was cool and said I'll be back out shortly

Took the dog in, came out and the contractor was measuring the distance again.... it was bang on the original mark (how unsurprising).

He said so is everyone happy with that and she said "yes"

I didn't engage any further, just offered tea to the contractors and let he skulk indoors!

FFS!

The fence would really make life difficult for her and not us, DH says don't aggravate, I'm of a different mind!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page