The short version is - I am currently temporarily located in a family-owned home in a northern city with DS. I absolutely love it here. I love the city, the people, and feel myself for the first time in a long time. I never want to go back to the South East again. My job allows me to work from anywhere. DH needs to be loosely based in London, but probably only one day a week max. My family are abroad, DH's elderly mother is in London. DMiL made a comment to DH this week (who is staying with her for most of the week) that she thinks we are going to be moving up here permanently (she would hate that). DH told me this flippantly. I have told him seriously that I want to stay. He won't even entertain the idea, he can't bear being away from London and that far away from his DM.
There is a much longer, fairly horrific backstory which I don't feel able to go into right now, both as it's very outing (NC for this) and still traumatic for me. To cut a long story short, I was attacked last year in my home by a neighbour. The police have been horrendous, the neighbour has been tormenting me, and despite being interviewed/under investigation for ongoing harassment the police have given the attacker carte blanche to knock on my door for spurious reasons, on the basis that knocking on my door isn't illegal (even when it's clearly designed to reinforce his dominance and belief that he is untouchable). For financial reasons exacerbated by COVID, we weren't in a position to move but spent 75% of our time with ILs on both sides. I live with DH and DS (1). However, the latest attack (all four car tyres slashed) has been the final straw and I am now refusing to return to the (owned) property.
The original plan was to rent another property and rent out the owned property until we are in a position to sell and buy somewhere else. This would still be in London, but in a slightly different area. However, now I have been in the north for a while I really don't want to leave. I know it's not London's fault that I was attacked and encountered this person, and obviously there are evil people everywhere. But I have never felt completely happy where I lived previously. As an example, today I took DS swimming. There was another mum in the pool, we started talking, we had a coffee, and have another playdate next week. I have never even had another mother so much as make eye contact with me before coming here. The next door neighbour came around the second day after we got here for a cup of tea. Even the DPD delivery driver stopped to have a chat and ask how I was!
I'm really worried because I know if I pursue this seriously I will be putting my relationship on the line as DH is adamant that this is a temporary measure. I also know that I'm being selfish. But is it really selfish to think that I need to be happy to be the best possible mother to DS? For full disclosure, I am in therapy and the therapist identified nearly immediately that I had to get away for my own mental wellbeing (I suppose when it's all written down that's probably pretty bloody obvious, but I couldn't see the wood for the trees).