To not like my own birthday

[CrappyBirthday2Me]

I feel like such a brat saying this but my birthday upsets me. My husband has worked late on my birthday every year for 3 years now (including this one). He could probably swap out but it’s a massively busy time of year in his industry and he’s very much a ‘celebrate on any day’ kind of guy, including with his own birthday, to be fair. I don’t like delayed celebrations as it’s just seems silly. Your birthday is your birthday. If people want to celebrate you, that’s the day to make the effort.

I just get so bored of having to pretend to be excited and happy so my (amazing and lovely) school age DD feels happy that I’m having a nice birthday. Birthdays mean a lot to her as she’s young and v empathetic - of course I always make a big deal about hers.

One year my DD wanted me to have ‘party food’ so I put out crisps, sausage rolls etc for myself. This year I’ll order myself and her a takeaway. I’m working all day from home so will be alone all day till school run.

My dad will send a card, nothing else and my mum a nice gift. I have friends who will text but none who will send/bring cards or gifts.

I think my birthday just makes me feel a bit alone, tbh. I’m lucky to have a lovely healthy family and day to day I feel content but the big spotlight of ‘Your Special Day’ when it’s just an average day makes me feel weird and out of sorts.

I’m being a spoilt brat aren’t I? It’s ok I agree. I don’t know why I am this way every year as I’m not materialistic in the slightest or a self centred person in general.

Oh OP you’re not being a spoilt brat at all. There are so many birthday threads, many of them with people saying they feel unappreciated. Birthdays are special! You are special! And I think your friends need to pull their fingers out & make an effort for you. Texting can be done anytime. I was skint around my friend’s birthday this year but got her a card at least to show I cared. Can you talk to your DH & tell him how much you would like it if he could swap shifts for your birthday? It’s just one day. And does your DF have a reason for not buying you a present?

Thanks for being so kind @CurryLover55

I think I just don’t have any friends that are close enough to me. Lots of people seem to like me and are lovely to me but no close friends.

I really do wish DH would swap his shift and have all but said that. But I don’t want to outright tell him to prioritise me as that wouldn’t make me feel prioritised, if that makes sense! He frames it as me being stubborn and refusing to just do my birthday celebration on a more convenient day. Last year I did actually agree to a delayed celebration but it just felt awkward and silly. It wasn’t my birthday!

My DF… I don’t know. He gives gifts to my DD and I give gifts to him and his GF on their birthdays. He’s not the warmest person. My mum is lovely but lives in another country.

Meh, I don’t like what this stupid day brings out in me. It’s on Monday and I just wish I could just cancel it! I’d rather have no birthday than this pretending to be special nonsense.

My husband will get me a gift (I know what it is as he always asks me what I want and then gets me exactly that, bless him) and I’ll get up early to open that before he goes to work.

Happy birthday for Monday (we share a birthday week!) I think you just want a bit of thought on the day, nothing wrong with that. Any chance you could get the day off and treat yourself to something (facial/lunch)? Or ask your DH to take a half day? Delayed celebrations never bother me but I do think it's nice to have something on the day.

Op, I mean this kindly, I think many many people are forced to defer their birthday celebration with their spouse to the nearest weekend, so I think you are not helping yourself there! Why not have lovely a meal out this Saturday?

I hate my birthday as well!

It was generally an unhappy experience for me as a child since my dad was usually working and my mum frankly didn't like me and often made a point of forgetting about it (which was preferable to her remembering and complaining about having to get me a present).

It took my lovely DH years to understand my pathological terror of ever being the centre of attention, due to my fear of rejection stemming from childhood experiences.

He thought I just didn't like a fuss being made for many years until he found me literally crying with relief the day we discovered our wedding with 100+ guests couldn't go ahead due to a unforeseen circumstance (we ended up eloping to my eternal secret relief).

You can celebrate your birthday any damn way you like. You don't have to celebrate like your daughter would. She's old enough to understand that different people like different things.

It's because you're building it up in your head as a "big day". Are you quite young?
I felt a bit like this when I went from being a child/teenager and having a big fuss made on my birthday, to being an adult and it not being a big occasion anymore. I still get a card and gift from my mum, DH and a couple of close friends, but the "celebrations" are a takeaway and film these days rather than a proper party.
Birthdays are really for kids IMO, and maybe celebrating a 30th/40th/50th etc but I just can't get worked up about celebrating being 34 rather than 33, for example.

You’re not being spoilt at all. Happy birthday for Monday! My DH usually works on my birthday (and works weekends so no delayed celebration unless I take a day off). This year we both finally had the day off together and he didn’t even acknowledge it...he knew it was my birthday but not a card or present, or even a card from DS. For some reason I still feel like a spoilt brat for expecting something..

I feel the same as you Op. it was my birthday this week and some people forgot, my best friend text me on the day saying happy birthday but too busy to see me due to work, another friend text and said sorry I didn't send a card, been a bit rubbish at forgetting lately. I thought here we go again another crap birthday.
I too make lots of effort on people's birthdays

My birthday is on Christmas Eve. We rarely celebrate much on the day because of Christmas. I always take the day off work though even if DH is working and I always make sure that it feels special.

As a PP said a lot of people celebrate birthdays on a day other than their actual birthday to fit in around family life.

If you want more of an event then make it more of an event.

Some suggestions:

• go out for a meal together the weekend before your birthday. If your birthday is on Monday then the Saturday or Sunday just before it are perfect.

• why do you open your present from your DH early before he gets up? Wait until he is awake and open it with him there. You might know what it is but opening presents with others is more fun than alone. I don't understand why you have been choosing to open it alone.

• Take your actual birthday off work and treat yourself to something nice like a facial or manicure or whatever takes your fancy. Even a lazy day at home if you want.

• You could meet friends for drinks at the weekend or one weekday night. You'll need to suggest a time and place though and invite them. You're an adult so they won't arrange it for you.

• get a nice takeaway and a birthday cake for the actual day.

A few small things make all the difference.

My last birthday was in full lockdown. It was a special birthday and all my original, much looked forward to plans were cancelled. Even just as 1 household and with no where to go out, it was still a nice birthday. Every is open now you have lots of options.

Polar opposite here. Can't stand a big fuss. It's just another day, might have a takeaway and buy a cake but only for the DC benefit, not mine. I make a fuss over the children and their birthdays though. It's more commiserations at my age🙊

@entropynow

You can celebrate your birthday any damn way you like. You don't have to celebrate like your daughter would. She's old enough to understand that different people like different things.

I know that - it's more just that she wants me to be happy and will spend the day anxiously checking that I'm happy and wanting to see me being happy when it's really just a normal day!

why do you open your present from your DH early before he gets up? Wait until he is awake and open it with him there. You might know what it is but opening presents with others is more fun than alone. I don't understand why you have been choosing to open it alone.

I don't, I get up early so that I can open it with him before he goes to work.

Christmas Eve birthday is tough! I think that would be worse as people are so focused on Christmas.

I don't want to take a day off as it feels like a waste of annual leave to spend it alone. Covid doesn't help of course but even before that, going alone to be pampered just feels sad. In my mind, birthdays are for other people to celebrate you, not for you to treat yourself.

@MondeoFan

I feel the same as you Op. it was my birthday this week and some people forgot, my best friend text me on the day saying happy birthday but too busy to see me due to work, another friend text and said sorry I didn't send a card, been a bit rubbish at forgetting lately. I thought here we go again another crap birthday. I too make lots of effort on people's birthdays

Happy belated birthday! I'm sorry you had a bit of a shit day.

I think it's difficult when you make a big effort for other people and then don't get that kind of effort in return.

I hear you OP.

I'm a lone parent with no romantic partner or anything.

My family often forget my birthday (mother and brother)

And DS is only 6.

The last 2 years I've had nothing, no cards, no presents and during the pandemic because work didn't do the usual send a card round the office. I didn't even get a happy birthday from colleagues. (Obviously not their fault)

I am pretty sure DS thinks he's the only one in the house that has birthdays 😂 mine just comes and goes unnoticed and not celebrated. I've gotten used to it over the years, still grates on me occasionally though I won't lie.

Covid doesn't help of course but even before that, going alone to be pampered just feels sad. In my mind, birthdays are for other people to celebrate you, not for you to treat yourself.

God no, being alone for half an hour is a special treat for me!
I get that not everyone is like me though!

@Lookatthat

You’re not being spoilt at all. Happy birthday for Monday! My DH usually works on my birthday (and works weekends so no delayed celebration unless I take a day off). This year we both finally had the day off together and he didn’t even acknowledge it...he knew it was my birthday but not a card or present, or even a card from DS. For some reason I still feel like a spoilt brat for expecting something..

Thank you! You're not a spoilt brat at all. My DH works weekends too. He wants to delay to when we're on holiday in July. I just can't be arsed saving my birthday to celebrate when it's convenient for him. I don't even need much I would just like him at home to order the takeaway or cook me a meal instead of me having to do it myself and to watch a movie with instead of watching telly alone when DD goes to bed.

Pint of crayfish, my favourite film, dr who blu rays, that’s me sorted for this year.

My exh made me homeless the day before my 30th. Then my parents sent me 10 in a card. But for my 21st they sent me abroad for a week with presents/party etc.

I'm dreading my 40th.

I have never liked mine much either. Nothing special happened when I was a child, except for one occasion when I was about 6. I was in s convalescent home after being ill with pneumonia. I remember being amazed that the staff threw a party and I had a birthday cake. I think maybe that lead to me disliking my birthday because I knew how it could be, but never was. As an adult, I felt a bit uncomfortable on my birthday. This changed in recent years, as I have learned to not have unrealistic expectations/ideas of what other’s birthdays are like.

My 21st ruined birthdays for years, today I buy what I want, dh tried to get me interested in a bikers jacket, after this weeks doings, I’m not having just don’t want it I’m buying more Dr who blu rays instead.

This is an old thread. But it's my birthday today, and it's resonated. I've always felt stressed on my birthday, even as a young teenager (divorced parents and an absentee Dad, no money growing up, birthday near halloween so it was always sidelined, although it's nowhere near as bad as Christmas babies I know, amongst other things). The awful is a tiny part of me, wants the works on my birthday, and the larger part of me just wants it not to happen. It's a complicated feeling. I also have a 5 year old and a 2 year old who are just grasping the idea of birthdays. I always go all out on theirs. Anyways, to anybody having a birthday, Happy Birthday xx