To move DD (yr 10) into private and even consider repeating a year

[tommyketchup]

DD has been on steady decline wrt school work since the start of year 9 and then lockdown was a complete disaster (she did literally nothing when we weren't at home which as key workers wasn't much) and is now on course to fail her GCSE's having previously been a bright if not particularly diligent student. Year 7 & 8 she was predicted 6 & 7's with a couple of 8's, this slipped to 5/6's possible few 7's by the end of year 9 and now she'll be lucky to get 5's in even her best subjects.

When we realised how bad it had got (with hindsight too late) we tried to work with her current school to get her re-engaged but frankly, they have been shit and we are now seriously considering moving her out of her current school into private either for year 11 or possibly to repeat year 10.

The idea of moving schools won't phase her but I don't think going down a year will go down so well . The school we have in mind has a place and is willing to discuss repeating a year but we need to decided ASAP. It's not particularly academic (which is fine) but will have far higher expectations in terms of workload & class engagement plus is one of the top performers in her sporting passion so an amazing opportunity in that respect but clearly very late in her academic career to consider a move. Due to her sport, she mixes with a lot of private school children anyway and has always been a bit 'they are so lucky woe poor me' and is very competitive and driven in this area so private school is definitely something I've always thought she'd suit but has never been on the cards financially until now.

Are we mad? Is it even worth it if she's only going into year 11? Has anyone else ever moved this late or put their child down a year? Help - we need to decide in the next 2 weeks as they are closing for the summer soon.

Highly doubt a private school will take your dd if she is failing y10 as they are all.about results. Get a tutor 3 times per week. Also 5s are a grade c so why you worrying

I definitely would go for it, including repeating y10 as going straight into y11 at a new school would be much tougher. The alternative of staying put is not going to go well, and whilst this plan isn't a perfect solution it is the best you have got.

I’ll go against the grain here and say I wouldn’t do it.

My reasons are, that being predicted 5s isn’t failing. A 5 is a high C low B. It may not be the stellar grades you were hoping she would achieve, but hey, she didn’t put the effort in, but actually still has time to improve them if she gets her head down and works.

My second being, if she’s not going to get her head down and work now, then I very much doubt she will thank you for making her repeat a year. It could really damage her self esteem and make her push back harder.

If she likes the idea of private and is capable of getting higher grades with a bit more effort. Why not get her a tutor for now and make a deal that if she gets her arse in gear does well at GCSE, she can go private for 6th form. It might motivate her to try harder without making her feel like a failure.

I would.

Op, your dd has to be on board with any steps taken.
Private schooling or holding her back one year is ineffective if your dd doesn’t engage with her studies . She has to want to do well

She has to want to repeat the year. Otherwise it will be a waste of money. Also she needs to develop her self-motivation and drive. She can’t be babied through everything. If she doesn’t develop these skills, she’ll come unstuck at some point, whether it’s now or at uni, work etc.

I'd be uneasy about her dropping back a year, unless she is a summer born / gravitates towards younger ones socially etc. Socially she's going to feel like a fish out of water. Also her sport will be categorised by age, I imagine, so that could be challenging too.

I don't think you should underestimate how difficult socially it will be to repeat a year in year 10. It's worth bearing in mind, particularly when all her peers are applying for uni.

Ok well a rather opportune slow car journey home (captive audience and all that!) tells me DD would have absolutely no qualms about moving schools but not a cat in hells chance of getting her to repeat year 10 so it looks like we might be too late to move now. She is a January birthday anyway and definitely not young for her year so I'm not overly surprised at her reaction and in truth did wonder how it would work socially/emotionally etc.
I'm just so cross with myself for letting it get this far and having blind faith that her current school would sort it out.

And to the poster who said 5's aren't a fail, no they're not but she'll be damn lucky to get any 5's plus she is capable of so so much more

but the new group would be her peers. We often have kids repeat y10 and really it is fine. However, I also had two kids start in Y11 this year and they worked hard, learnt the style of qs etc that differed from the specs they'd done before and were fine. I doubt she'd do LESS well by moving than by carrying on in her present way.

She sounds lazy and unmotivated - private school is unlikely to fix her attitude.

It's your decision on whether she repeats year 10, not hers.

Does she have ideas on what she wants to do after GCSEs?

Certainly where we are, private senior schools are only interested in candidates who are exceptional academically or already very able sportsmen or women. I’d say she’d also perhaps struggle to settle socially and academically given the high academic expectations of some schools.

Firstly get to the bottom of her lack of engagement. Far better to move her to another school, save your money and tutor her heavily outside of school if she’s motivated.

@HugeAckmansWife

but the new group would be her peers. We often have kids repeat y10 and really it is fine. However, I also had two kids start in Y11 this year and they worked hard, learnt the style of qs etc that differed from the specs they'd done before and were fine. I doubt she'd do LESS well by moving than by carrying on in her present way.

They wouldn't be her peers!

Tutors OP!

Do what you can year 11 tutors etc.
Private sixth form

There is no point moving her to a new school for y11. They effectively have 1 teaching term left and will not be able to perform miracles. Move her for y10 if she is willing and committed to really work hard.

I left my high school due to being bullied, and repeated the year in my new school as it had badly affected my grades. I went from getting D's to A's and did really well academically. It's been such a horrible, difficult year for poor kids and teens - its not surprising some are now really unmotivated and fed up. I would definitely look at moving my child in your shoes...is there anything you can do to help motivate her to redo the year and try again - perhaps some kind of reward that she would love, so it doesn't feel like a punishment..?

Should have said, I was the same age as your DD so re-did a year of my gcse's. It definitely worked for me x

@Imapotato

I’ll go against the grain here and say I wouldn’t do it.

My reasons are, that being predicted 5s isn’t failing. A 5 is a high C low B. It may not be the stellar grades you were hoping she would achieve, but hey, she didn’t put the effort in, but actually still has time to improve them if she gets her head down and works.

My second being, if she’s not going to get her head down and work now, then I very much doubt she will thank you for making her repeat a year. It could really damage her self esteem and make her push back harder.

If she likes the idea of private and is capable of getting higher grades with a bit more effort. Why not get her a tutor for now and make a deal that if she gets her arse in gear does well at GCSE, she can go private for 6th form. It might motivate her to try harder without making her feel like a failure.

^^ I think there’s a lot of wisdom in this.

I think I would but I'd also try and address the reasons why she is so disengaged with it. In another year she would be expected to do a lot more self study. Was it completely the schools fault that her grades are slipping? Is she going to commit to work harder and engage more if you move her? If she cant be arsed to do any work then private school might be a giant waste of money

I think I would just take more interest myself and try and get her grades up. Buy revision guides, test her, work with her, help her plan. They've got more than a year to go. Having been to private school myself, it isn't a magic guarantee, you still have to work hard. What makes you think she'll work harder in a different school?

Yes that's exactly what she is @PuffinMcHuffin lazy & unmotivated and whilst I agree private school per se isn't the key to success, I'm hoping all the elements of private that aren't part of her current school might make a difference: smaller class size so less chance of going unnoticed/being over looked; more accountability for things like lack of or poor homework; parental communication - we literally get nothing from school except a yearly report and yearly data. They offer lots of help and it's all very softly softly which is great for many but someone like my daughter who just isn't bothered, I want mandatory not optional. Another big plus is a longer day and when she's home along she really does do sweet FA! So rather than home and watching YouTube from 4pm until I get home at 6:30 ready for a daily argument about homework , she won't be back until gone 6 having done most of it at school.

I'm completely sold on the idea (I would have done it without even asking her if we were able in year 9) but need to speak to the school again tomorrow and see what they say.

@tommyketchup - do you have strategies for productivity and motivation?

They are very good to learn early - happy to DM you some things that may help if you would like?

Was there any trigger to the change in her motivation prior to the pandemic. Year 9 is a difficult year for some people - it does really sort out who is a self starter and motivated.

If I could afford it then all 3 of mine would be in private. Do it x

@PuffinMcHuffin no I dont and that would be amazing if you would dm me. To be honest I'm at a total loss as when there's nobody there to force her I feel completely powerless. Unfortunately the trigger is most likely when I went back to work full time as I was no longer there to see what she was up to & supervise homework. Dh was never pushed at home & is luckily naturally bright so thinks if she doesn't want to do it we can't make her.

Move and repeat. As a former English teacher I would say it’s very difficult to make up a lost year 10. A private school is likely to make a big difference to her work ethic for the reasons you stated. Is the sporting opportunity enough of a carrot for her?