AIBU to be worried / concerned about my non academic child.

[Concerned2021]

Hi bare with me, I am not a helicopter mum or a competitive one. I love my children to pieces.
I wasn’t worried previously as I though DC2 was still young and there was time to catch up but knew she was never going to be academic as such which was fine. Now I am starting to feel a bit concerned because it’s starting to have an impact on her emotions etc.

She is year3 she can not yet read or write. Her maths is better and she enjoys maths but is still behind in maths just not as far.
She is sweet and kind. She is funny but is very passive.
She doesn’t seem to have a “thing “ she was expressing to me last night after school refusing for weeks that she doesn’t feel good anything at school and she isn’t like her friends.
She can take information in for example her comprehension of books is good if we read them she just can’t physically read them.
She is reading some sight words now and also decoding some words but she can’t implant special friends or any of that.
Writing she can’t spell independently and struggles to write more than a few words.
She is ok at knowledge in a sense so if she has learned something she would remember etc but just can’t write it down.

I’m getting more worried the older she gets. Am I being ridiculous I suppose I’m more concerned that she is worrying about it and hates school all of a sudden.

At this point is there time to catch up with reading etc or does the later it get the harder it gets.

Has school noticed/talked to you about this? Have they arranged dyslexia assessment for her to ensure it’s not that? Have they put in place a strategy for helping her?

So prior to this month we literallt just had she is fine. Then we had an appointment with a sen OT who said she has global development delay.
She has speech delay which she sees salt for still.
However School still say there is no learning difficulties despite reports.

You're not being ridiculous at all, you sound like a really lovely thoughtful mum. I agree that dyslexia occurred to me reading your post. If she's not dyslexic, it still sounds as if she ought to be getting some extra help if possible at school, or some pointers from school about what they think is happening.

There definitely is time to catch up - my brother wasn't reading at her age (not until quite a bit later) and he was very much told by school he was 'just not bright'. He caught up fine in the end, but I know it took a lot of work and I think school should have been more supportive.

Well there are clearly learning difficulties if she is Y3 and can’t read and write. Have the school put in place any catch up or interventions?

If she can take knowledge in, but not write it down, it sounds like dyslexia to me..... I would get her checked for that first. Good luck.

YANBU to be concerned and I think your dd has a right to some answers about why stuff that comes easily to other children is harder for her. I suggest you push school for a educational psychologist to assess her and also investigate some assessment for dyslexia.

In the meantime, what does she enjoy a d what is she good at (not academic stuff)? Sport, good with animals, music, art, baking? I'd look to encourage her interest and abilities in those areas - we all need areas of our lives in which we feel confident and competent.

Cross post. WTF? School say there's no issue despite the report? That's not on at all. I'd be really angry.

Also cross post. Agree - wtf? Push back on school (start w senco). Is the gap be her and her peers widening ? That should ring warning bells.

Are private assessments a possibility?

I think you are right to be concerned for your daughter's progress. It is unusual to reach Y3 without being able to read or write. Could you have her assessed outside of the school process if you are unhappy with their lack of support for this? I would do that if so.

I use a book called - Word Hornet.
Iv 2 dyslexic children. You can.work through it with child doing 10 mins a day. It's great for getting their confidence and deciding words.

www.wordwasp.com/

So she has plans in place at school from salt etc but they are loosely followed. We went to a development centre as I suspected she is autistic but they wouldn’t assess her after they send a seperate salt to her school to speak to teachers.
Then we eventually got referee to OT who said she presents with global development delay and body issues ( low muscle tone ,hyperbolity etc )
She can’t dress her self, eat with cutlery.
when I ask school they said “ she’s fine educational wise but reports she is behind in most areas but has the ability.

I should add the reason they decided not to do assessment for autism etc was because she has a “ mixed profile “
But did amy eye contact and although passive and doesn’t initiate conversation does like having friends at school and joins in play.

I think you should give the school a kick up the backside. However, my eldest has dyslexia and ADHD. I was terrified of her going to seniors because she could barely read. She struggled and ended up in a unit. The scheme were they get work experience was the making of her. At around 19 she found her thing. She is now a manager within a private social care company. Her employer supports her dyslexia.

My youngest was in a SEN school. LDs, S&L difficulties and global delay. She had a passion for cooking. Her Chef qualifications have taken longer. The college put her in a separate unit for an additional two years after leaving school. She is now working in a role she likes and has made friends.
There's many such stories from the young people who she's been in education with. They might not be high earners, but they've found their fit.

I'd get her checked for visual stress. It's a neurological condition which makes reading really difficult because words and letters move around or there are halos around words on the page. It can co-exist with dyslexia or I have it without dyslexia.

I’d be very concerned that the school aren’t doing more to help here 😞

Op it's sad indictment of our society when the mum of a year 3 is made to feel pushy or competitive for asking why her child can't read or write.

Op, here school sounds absolutely shit

You need to start balls rolling, asking awkward questions and getting going on what's happening to help read.

Maybe she doesn't get phonics, try flash card first 100 frequency words and then site books like Peter and Jane.
Try that for a few weeks and see how that goes.

Although getting there school to sit up and do something may work you probably also need to get more interventions.. Like tutors.

Mine has two, an hour a week each, no homework or anything just weekly work on various things. To have that bespoke targeted approach has been amazing.

I'd also be looking at the council and getting the ball rolling re an ehcp...

The school are really letting her down here.
What support is she getting if she has global development delay? Does she have an EHCP and any extra help in school?

If global development delay is suspected surely your GP is the one to consult with a view to a paediatric referral? From what you say this is much more that ‘not academic’? That’s not to say she can’t be a perfectly happy and successful person but she deserves to get the correct support and to get that she needs specialist diagnosis.

The school are letting your daughter down big time. I assume she failed the phonics screening test at the end of foundation? That should have been a trigger for extra support. I would suggest you look into the process for applying for EHCP yourself.

What do the speech and language therapists
say? By year 3 they should be able to tell if it’s a speech delay or disorder, and she might need extra input.

Now obviously i knows virtually nothing about your daughter but speech disorders are incredibly common and really really under diagnosed, and as she has a delay would this be worth looking into more? It’s really closely linked to literacy challenges.

She sounds like she is quite behind if she’s not reading by year 3. Have you looked into an EHCP?

The school sound awful. I have a ds in year 3. He is a free reader but can't write anything legible and struggles with anything academic. He has been diagnosed with moderate learning difficulties and has an ehcp.