Bf not doing things he says he will

[Drumstick38]

He left school with few qualifications and has mainly worked in low-paid jobs since leaving school (He's 27 now)
He was saying that he wanted to better himself and go into HE or FE. Earlier this year he applied for a few courses at adult colleges. Within the last couple of weeks a few have given conditional offers or asked him to get in touch with them and he's just ignored them all. He doesn't seem to want to anymore, but then he's saying he's frustrated at being in low paid work and not having qualifications.

A couple of weeks ago his charger broke for his laptop. He's been using mine since, and i don't mind lending it him but it costs £10 for a new charger, i offered to pay it for him if it's an issue. He keeps saying yeah I'll get one, but never does, so just wants to keep borrowing mine.

Even stuff like saying he feels out of shape and wants to get fit. Then ask him to come to the gym with me and he never does. I can't force him but I try to motivate him and he rarely comes.

He is on medication for depression and I know he struggles sometimes. There's not a lot I can do without coming across as pushy etc. But not sure what I can do about this?
I presume the colleges are wanting to confirm places for Sept, but I don't want to see him in the same situation this time next year and complaining about being in low paid work.

Depression is the issue here. A fear of failing so it's easier not to try at all. A sort of paralysis that stops him acting. He could do with talking about it but people find it very difficult to articulate how they're feeling especially when they can't see where personality ends and illness begins. Maybe you've got to risk asking him more questions and encouraging him to talk about his feelings. (Many women now laughing humourlessly)

I was with you until you said he was depressed. You need to be more empathetic.

I would leave him. It shouldn’t be this hard. I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns into a cocklodger.

Run for the hills.

Do not have children with man.

Judge him by his actions, not by his words and admit that you can do better.

Sounds like you are on the road to no where with him. I sympathise with him as depression really is a struggle even with the small things but you don’t sound like a match, stop wasting each other’s time and move on.

How old are you and how long have you been together?

He's an adult, you're not responsible for him, don't fall into the trap of parenting him. It sounds like you are fundamentally incompatible.

Is he diagnosed and seeking treatment for depression?

Sorry, I've just seen he's on medication for depression. What else is he doing to aid his recovery?

Not quite sure how she is wasting his time?

He is your BF, not your child. Stop parenting him. His MH issues are his to manage with the help of professionals.

Relationships like this are draining.

I agree with PPs. I’d move on. This is who he is. In 10 years time he will still be complaining. Only he can sort it.

I assume you are around the same age as him. You need to focus on you and finding a relationship with an equal partner not someone who you treat like a child.

Read up about the rescuer role that many women take on. You won’t change him, all you’ll do is waste time and energy that is better spent on you and your future

Leave him, he’s a loser

I'd move on, too. He's depressed by his situation but he's not doing anything to help himself.

What was he like before he was on medication for depression? His education and early jobs seem to indicate he's always lacked motivation.

Perhaps he needs to go back to doctors to review his medication? If he refuses, not sure what else you can do. He will probably get worse.

There's not a lot I can do without coming across as pushy etc. But not sure what I can do about this?

It's not really for you to 'do something about' though - why do you feel like you are responsible? People moan about things- sometimes it's something that they can change, sometimes it's something they aren't ready to change, sometimes they just want a moan and aren't asking you to fix them. Do you think you are keener for him to make changes than he is?

I also think you should move on. Depression is tough but he sounds like hes not making an attempt.

Cant stand people that constantly complain about their situation but do nothing to help themselves

I’ve been with somebody that sounds very similar to your BF. He didn’t like his low paid job, wanted to do something else, but somehow never got around to it. He would spend his spare time trawling the Internet, but never anything productive. We bought lots of equipment for him to start doing his chosen projects: it was always, ‘Oh, if I had an X then I could do Y’ … We would buy the X, and it would never be used. We were together five years, and nothing changed. He signed up for courses, then never attended them. It was as if he was waiting for something to fall in his lap, for someone to basically bring an opportunity to him and say, ‘here you are’. He had no drive at all, which is fine, but the complaining about his situation never stopped. He had depression… I encouraged him to get help, and we tried every medication and extra help we could think of. I even ended up paying for half of it. Nothing made any difference. We split up 15 years ago, and he is still doing the same job, and as far as I am aware, is still not doing anything to him improve his situation. If you took the depression element away from your boyfriend, and what you have now is simply his personality, how would you feel about him? I think I stayed so long with my BF because I felt guilty due to the depression, and felt as though it was my job to help him. He needed to help himself as well, but wasn’t prepared to do anything. It was always, or I’d feel better if I had this, I’d feel better if I could do that… But he wasn’t prepared to do anything to help himself. I really do think you need to think about leaving this relationship. Nothing is going to change.