To refuse to ever see my racist uncle again?

[arithanaggerton]

He's in his 60s and has always been racist and backwards. Correcting him or shutting him down when he makes disgusting comments gets you nowhere because he says "PC gone mad" or "Well you're a different generation". I am sick to bloody death of him.

He never married or had kids. He has never even had a proper partner until recently. He has a girlfriend of a similar age of a few years. I had them both as friends on Facebook for a while but deleted them ages ago. My mum has just sent me a horrified text of a post on the partner's page. She is knitting Golliwogs and selling trying to sell them. They don't agree that it's racist and thinks it's all just a bit of fun bla bla bla crap.
I fucking hate them both and don't want to see him ever again, even if it means avoiding family events. He lives right round the corner from my mum and when I round he often pops in. If I ever see him again I think I will honestly lose my shit. The girlfriend's adult DC are already no contact with them both.

I ask because my mum is upset and while she agrees it's racist she says that the fact that he genuinely doesn't think it is means he's harmless. She's upset I've said I won't be seeing him every again.

YANBU. He sounds horrible and toxic.

“Genuinely doesn’t think it”
Bull shit.

YANBU OP

@Brunandcroissant

He's been worse since meeting the girlfriend, I think it's because he feels even better about his opinions since finding somebody like-minded.

Nobody would touch him with a bargepole for literally decades.

I wouldn't have anything to do with him or his girlfriend.

I'd also tell my mother that if he appears when I visit there I'm leaving.

Please at least tell him why you will not see him again. Either directly or via his girlfriend.

I wouldn't want to see him again but you should tell him why.

If he keeps on persisting, having been told that people find his views and statements offensive, it doesn't matter that he doesn't think it's racist. He has a right (sadly) to state his opinion, you have a right to react to his continuing statements of opinion, by refusing to tacitly endorse them, by your continued presence.

Why is she choosing to create new versions of a toy that most people find offensive? That seems deliberately provocative to me.

I feel your pain massively OP- I recently had a massive, game- changing row with my parents. For years we have managed to remain cordial by strictly sticking to platitudes, but this time I had the temerity to call them out on a racist comment, and all hell broke loose. Some of the stuff my dad came out with profoundly shocked me- he’s far, far worse than I thought.

At this time I have no plans to see them again- I haven’t made any long term decisions on what I’m going to do in the future though. It’s worth saying that we hadn’t been close prior to this- I think they’ve always been low level emotionally abusive/ narcissistic- so I suppose the racism has been a bit of a final straw.

But then it doesn’t sound like you’re particularly close to your uncle, either. I don’t see why you should have to see him if you don’t want to- I’ve never seen the point of forcing yourself to see people you have nothing in common with just because you share genes.

Your mother doesn't get a say in whether you see him again or not. So tell her you won't attend any gatherings if he's there. And yes, tell him that you, like his gf's dc, are cutting them out of your life due to their vile behaviour. Then block them.