To really miss being young

[Octopus37]

Sorry for brain dump. Think I might be having a bit of a midlife crisis. I'm 46 and going through the change, have just started HRT and I'm finding the progesterone part quite difficult, really dont feel great. Know its eary days and I need to give it time.

I have to boys ages 14 and 11 and a DH who works shifts. TBH, although I' self-employed, I'm retraining (again from home) and we dont get enough time together. He is older than me, nearly 53. Just feel so sad that life's just one big job list with so little fun. I see friends from time to time which is great, but cannot help but feel I should be able to have more fun with my husband. We are going out in the day on our own for his Birthday in a few days, but its a rare thing. Our boys have only just got to the age where they're old enough to be left for a bit. Also we dont have a full sexual relationship anymore, he had some problems following bereavement and we've never really got past it, although we are working on it when we have the time and then guess what life gets in the way.

My oldest Son has just got a girlfirend, she's moving away soon which is a massive shame, will do what I can to help him see her travel permitting. I just miss being that age so muchand the carefree romance you could have then, I know being a teenager itsnt all a bed of roses and it certainly was't for me.

Life just feels like drudgery and waiting for bad things to happen. My Dad has just been diagnosed with a lung diseaase (actual diagnosis three years ago but we have only just found out). Our relationship has been difficult and despite staying with us for two five weeks, he has no relationship with his Grandsons, cause of bad history, basically him putting his partner first.

Just feel that there is nothing much to look forward to, other than the odd day out or evening out with one of my friends (have good friends I know I'm lucky) and just feel sad. I'm aware that its probably hormones and also aware that its probably wrong to moan about being middle aged when one of my friends didn't ake it past 48.

I try to make an effort with my appearance, but I've never been pretty, Stylish and funky yes but not pretty. I look after my skin, try and do my make up nicely, wear nice clothes etc. I've recently lost a small amount of weight (trust me every pound is a triumph cause I'm crap at loosing weight), probably due to adjusting to taking hormones, but I'm still a doughy size 10/12. Would be just lovely to know that there are some good times to come and laughs to be had, rather than just drudgery and difficult situations. Can anyone relate.

God yes! I spotted a photo of myself that DH has kept of me from when we were students. Gosh I was a cute (and skinny) wee thing! My eyes were gorgeous. My dad used to say that I had a cheeky face and I though he was just being kind.

Like everything we don't miss it until it's gone.
You're still a young women with at least 20 healthy years, don't look back at 66 realising you've miss it again. Do something you love, try little things 5 things a week for a lift.

I think it depends on what life is like now and what your teens/twenties were like. If you are really busy now, it is understandable to hanker for the long summer hols as a teenager and no pressure. Do small nice things for yourself, maybe try and book a daytrip or a holiday away when you can.

I am 49 and have two tweens. I am grateful for my free time, I work nearly fulltime with some unpaid leave in the summer. I can leave dcs to go out briefly, so I can go for a walk, meet a friend without worrying about minding. Dh rarely goes anywhere either alone or as a couple, but doesn't understand that I like an odd trip out. When dcs were smaller, I felt depressed as I was always either working or minding them. I could rarely go out for an evening. I had to pretend to go to work and go shopping just to get some alone time. Also now I can get on with housework, keep on top of decluttering as dcs older and need less input when we are at home. I can take a rest until 9am on Sat and Sun inatead of gettong up at 7am with toddlers.

I am got 2 promotions in the last few years. I am not around the general grade women, showing off about their 3 day week , having housework up to date, nights out etc. The more senior people do not tend to show off about these things. A combination of me having more of a rest at weekends, more freedom and part time colleagues not rubbing it in about their free time means I am not cross and resentful, and feel much happier. Also I manage some of the show offs and they are a bit more wary of talking nonsense around me now.

When I was a teen/early 20s, I was anxious about exams, getting work so I didn't enjoy the time. There was some excitement about a first disco, but talking parents round to bringing and collecting me, made it stressful. I lived out the country with strict parents. I enjoyed college, lived in town with a relative and socialised, but exams ruined it a bit. If I could go back in time, the years 28 to 33 were lovely. I was working away, 3 foreign hols a year, a few friends and later met my dh.

Sone people lived in the suburbs, had freedom and a great gang of friends in their teenage years, for others the good times came later.

OP I feel you! Your comment that life feels like one long 'to do' list really struck a chord.

I think lockdown restrictions easing (god willing) plus time will improve matters. We have all had a bloody hard couple of years, so it's no surprise we're in a low mood. Plus peri/meno.

Fingers crossed for you, me and all of us that things improve soon. Just wanted to say I hear you!

@MadMadMadamMim

I love being older. I do not miss being young at all. I'm 56, post menopausal and size 18 (used to be a size 12). I've let my hair grow out white and had it chopped into a pixie cut.

And I don't care whether I look good or not. Other people's opinions are now pretty worthless to me. I am valued for my brain (finally) rather than my looks. Which is excellent, because my brain is and always was super smart and my looks were never anything much. It is such a relief not to have to be pretty and thin and worry about what people are thinking about me.

It's also pretty awesome to be able to say No thanks, I don't want to to activities I don't fancy. It's awesome to only have one teenager left at home and to have more time to myself. It's awesome to think we might finally - at some point in the future - afford to go abroad again. We have 5 kids and never managed a regular foreign holiday because we couldn't afford to. I do not care if I never see Centre Parcs again.

It's brilliant to find I quite like pottering around my garden or doing craft things. It's brilliant to find I still love my DH and enjoy his company.

I hated being a teenager. I was plain and insecure and jealous of the 'pretty' girls and the mean girls. I like being who I am now, and I'm enjoying this stage of my life.

Your post is inspiring.

I agree with you: I'm 10 years younger but I love being the age I am. And a large part of that is learning not to give a shit about other people's opinions: something that women in particular spend far too much time on.

I didn't hate being young but my youth was consumed with concern about the way other people saw me and its really liberating to get past that. Being young is massively over-rated.