Hi all,
So I'm a single mum to my two and a half year old daughter. Her father and me split at 24 weeks pregnant and he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with the baby. Anyway not long after she was born he started emailing me asking to see her. I ignored his contact for months, until I decided to give him a chance to be a part of our daughters life and for us to remain friendly. He lives two hours away from me and my daughter. There were a few occasions where he didn't turn up but other than that everything was going fine until He wanted to get back together and I said no absolutely not. I then started getting verbal abuse called a slag, shit mum etc.
Anyway, He had, at this point, 2 children to 2 other women he didn't see (I found this out during my pregnancy). I have since spoken to them and they told me he is physically absuive. He has a criminal record and used to lose his temper with his children. He was never physical towards me however he was emotionally abusive and he has a temper. That is evident. He fights in local pubs and clubs etc. So based on this information and based on him becoming aggressive towards me I decided to cut contact for good for my daughters sake. He's a big drinker and lives at home with his mum. Since I turned him down and decided to cut contact based on how aggressive he was getting with me and the information from his exes, he then got another girl pregnant. He is 37 she is 19. I feel for this girl a lot. However, he also does not see that child either for the reasons that 'he doesn't want to' but I feel it's more she probably doesn't want him to... he even has in his Facebook bio 3 of his children's names saying he can't wait to see them again one day. It's so cringe worthy. This other new child since my daughter he has said 'he doesn't care about' and says he only has 3 children. He's basically doing to her what he did to me when I was pregnant and it probably won't be long before he's harassing her to see that child and she's been abused for her choice.
So all in all he has four kids to four women. None of those children does he see. He took the second child's mother to court a few years back and was granted access at a support centre. He attended for two visits and stopped turning up. He hasn't seen the child since. He said that it wasn't his fault and it was the centres fault and plays victim to the fact he doesn't see that child...
I didn't know the majority of this when I met him otherwise I'd have stayed well clear, of course but nope I was blinded by what he wanted me to see and with me living 2 hours away I didn't know his history.
I since have a mortgage, I have changed jobs and have a stable job at a reputable company. I am only part time however but I am able to provide a stable home. He has not seen our daughter in over a year and I have not spoken to him since Christmas. Since then I have been getting the odd abusive email.
But recently he's been emailing me as he is blocked on all socials threatening to take me to court for access. A part of me thinks he is saying this to spark a reaction and to cause anxiety and fear. He also wants me to respond and I think he thinks that saying that will scare me into a response and singing to his tune. His ex girlfriend told me when he took her to court it wasn't about their child, it was about control and I feel he is doing the same again to me. I cannot see how he thinks court is a good idea for the sake of our daughter. He surely must know based on his history he doesn't have a leg to stand on? He doesn't even know our daughter. He saw her on a couple of occasions. He is a stranger. I just cannot see him being a father when he's had so many chances to be a good one.
He doesn't even know where I live. I mean what would the process even be? What would happen? He works but doesn't pay tax and claims benefits. I don't claim child maintenance from him. He isn't on the birth certificate. He mentioned getting a DNA test and said I'd admitted he is the child's father on a text... but I've never denied he is so I don't know what that is supposed to mean?!
I'm so confused. I can't see him parting with money as he needs it to pay his ridiculous car finance and his alcohol habits.
Has anybody got any experience with this?
I know 100% I am doing the right thing by not allowing him to see our daughter based on what I've been told, what I know from my own experience and even since me and my daughter he's done the same but to another girl. He really isn't a stable human. He can't even look after himself never mind a child.
I hope this makes sense I'm in a bit of a state writing this. I just can't see him taking me to court.
The last message he sent to me was asking me to go and hang myself and to leave our daughter in my will to him and that I'm a selfish shitty mother denying our daughter the opportunity to bond with a good dad. Apparently.