Worried About Nursery Comments

[Namechangedlady]

Shamelessly posting here for traffic, sorry!

I spoke with my sons nursery today who have said they are a bit concerned by his unusual repetitive behaviours. They said he regularly goes around in circles and also sometimes pushes his head along the floor. The main concern they had was he walks along a beam backwards and forwards a lot, apparently the other children normally stand at the end of the beam and wobble a bit but he just walks back along it.

They didn't say why they were concerned, just that they would monitor it over the next few weeks and try to distract him when he does it.

I am confused, he does do this at home, it wouldn't have occurred to me this is was issue. I assumed he just enjoyed the motion or whatever.

I'm annoyed they wouldn't tell me why they are concerned. Has anyone else had a child do things like this and be okay? What are the insinuating with these comments?

My son is 14 months

I assume they're screening for developmental differences OP (e.g. ASD). The problem is at 14 months unusual behaviours can be early warning signs for issues or can just disappear as the DC grows out of them. How is his language? Eye contact? Other development? If this is just an isolated issue I really wouldn't worry.

I agree with the previous comment. Sounds like they’ve picked up on some unusual behaviour and are wanting to observe a bit longer to see if it’s just a quirk or something else that might need more assessment.

Could you email them and maybe say you have been thinking about their comments and ask them to explain why/why they are concerned about specifically?

I remember being similarly confused about nursery veiled comments (a bit older though) and pushing aside concerns.

My son got diagnosed as autistic a couple of years ago as a teenager.

Would have been helpful to have had diagnosis earlier.

Doesn't mean your child is ASD but I would talk to nursery frankly and get an assessment at an appropriate age.

@SaltAndVinegarSandwiches

I assume they're screening for developmental differences OP (e.g. ASD). The problem is at 14 months unusual behaviours can be early warning signs for issues or can just disappear as the DC grows out of them. How is his language? Eye contact? Other development? If this is just an isolated issue I really wouldn't worry.

Thank you!

His eye contact is reqlly good, he responds to his name straight away. I have done some googling and he responds to social queues, he will smile back at me etc. He isn't really speaking yet, he does babble a lot and say 'mum mum mum' but I don't think he means me (however much I like to pretend ha)

One thing he has always done is twirl his hands around. I have always called it happy hands as he seems to do it when he is happy/eating. Now I am reading this might also actually be a concerning sign

Keep an eye on him OP, and as previous poster says, push for an assessment if concerns continue

Thank you @namechangecosguilty and @totallyrandomname I think I will take your advice and email them asking for more clarification on their concerns.

Obviously if he is ASD it's not an issue but I just don't really like how they said it in such a 'undercover' way. I did ask about autism and they were quick to say that's not what they are suggesting. Feel a bit weird about the conversation really.

This does sound familiar.

I wish I'd pushed for more clarity.
My husband always played it down so I doubted myself - turns out he's probably autistic too or at least it's prevalent in his family!!

I do wish I'd known earlier just to get more help and understand the difficulties.

It may yet be something and nothing in your case though so it's best not to be hypervigilant.

Unless it's causing actual issues try to enjoy your baby and just keep communication going with nursery etc.

My son is amazing and I admire him so much.

@Namechangedlady

Thank you *@namechangecosguilty and @totallyrandomname* I think I will take your advice and email them asking for more clarification on their concerns.

Obviously if he is ASD it's not an issue but I just don't really like how they said it in such a 'undercover' way. I did ask about autism and they were quick to say that's not what they are suggesting. Feel a bit weird about the conversation really.

It’s hard for nursery workers, because they’re not qualified to diagnose someone with autism, and they know this. So they can’t exactly say “yes it looks like this”. But they’ve done the right thing by raising the behaviour with you, so you can take investigations further.

He’s only 14 months, so try not to worry too much. Yes his behaviour patterns are something to watch but that’s all. He’s far too young to be diagnosed with anything, that’s why the nursery were coy, they were just alerting you,

@Namechangedlady teachers/nursery staff have to take this approach as they are not qualified to diagnose conditions such as ASD, ADHD etc. They could land themselves in a LOT of hot water if you were to approach the management team and state "X thinks my son has ASD".

Every nursery and school I've worked in have taken this approach with parents. It basically alerts parents that staff feel there is an issue that potentially needs investigating by another professional (who IS qualified to diagnose).

It’s good that they are monitoring him and on the ball really
Just continue what your doing and see what things come up in the future I know this is easier said than done
My Ds1 showed early signs for ASD very rigid not communicating with adults but he was just quiet he’s 19 now just got a overall first for his first year of uni and is still quiet and reflective
Just enjoy him and it’s good that nursery are so aware it’s a good thing although stressful

The nursery can’t come out even if they are really sure someone is showing signs of something and say Your child has it. Development or behaviour things can be nothing or really serious. Often takes years to get anywhere if signs are minor. They are doing you a huge favour in flagging up something that could well be nothing But might mean something a few years down the line.

He might well grown out of it by the time he’s seen by anyone with the right skills. And there are so many things it could be you can’t really say see this list of 10 scary things yeah we think he might have one! It’s hard to know how parents will react and how concerned they will take. All they can say is we have this and this is what we are going to do. They have probably been warned about suggesting labels like autism to parents.

Thank you all, yes I do understand I just wish that was more what they said. Like we would reccomened getting him checked out by a professional.

He is still so young, will have to see how we go for a while. I will get him checked if that is what the nursery reccomened. He is such a happy little boy, I feel really guilty that I never thought there was a reason for concern and have let him carry on with these actions without realising they were issues. I just don't want to do the wrong thing by him.

Thank you all for your comments, I really appreciate you responding

And yes I am grateful they said something, I am so new to all of this I didn't really expect them to say anything like this and feel really out of my depth. It will all be fine, I'm sure

It could just be that your son just really likes the sensory input/ challenge on the beam, rather than ASD. At 14 months it's too soon to tell but it's good that they're keeping an eye out.

Whether he has ASD or not he's still the same little boy so if he's a happy chap you're doing everything right!

You sound like a loving, caring and responsible parent

My twins are both autistic and at 14 months I had no idea at all. They both interacted quite well etc. There were a few signs (no pointing, a few repetitive movements emerging) but then they got to 18 months and had quite significant skill regressions. Any developing speech stopped, eye contact went away, stopped playing with toys etc. The flapping hands was one of the first things I noticed for DT1 but I thought it was just how he expressed excitement.

I think it’s a good idea to keep an eye on these things, although a lot can change in the next few months so just be mindful and see how things progress.

And there’s no reason to try and stop him doing those things - if they are stimming behaviours then there’s nothing wrong with that, unless of course they are hurting someone or themselves in which case you may need to try redirecting him. DT1 still jumps and flaps when happy - no need to do anything about it!