Being intimate

[Crazycakelady17]

This is a hard subject for me to discuss but I appreciate any replies on both sides as feel it could help me,
I have been married for 20 years we have 3 Dc 19-11 and one still born daughter,
I was raped and sexually abused by my father then my stepfather, I took my stepfather to court a few years ago it was awful
I have never been into sex I don’t get any pleasure from it and sometimes it causes me flashbacks etc
The only time I was interested was when trying for a baby, DH is very understanding but obviously it’s not healthy we haven’t been intimate for over 18 months I have many mental health diagnoses l,
DH has suggested we try for one last baby and I would love that but I just can’t bring myself to go through that as I feel he’s only suggested it because of the lack of intimacy, also I have anxiety with what happened with DD1 and I really don’t think my mental health could cope with another loss
We are both early 40s

I guess my question is do we go and try? Or do I continue with my therapy and medication. And address the sex issue down the line

OP I feel this is such a serious issue you should probably discuss it with the help of a family therapist with experience of the trauma you've been through. I hope you come to the best decision for all of you OP.

Honestly, suggesting you have a baby just to have sex is not really on and you don't seem to be in the right frame of mind to have another baby anyway.

I think concentrating on mending yourself is the right thing to do at the moment.

You need to speak properly with DH and discuss whether he really wants another baby.. or whether he does just miss the lack of intimacy.. either way they both need discussing properly and if you can overcome past trauma and have a sexual relationship, if not how to cope going forward with this with each other. He’s not entitled to sex just because you’re together/married/have children. But you also can’t make him, or expect him to stay if this is something that you can’t ever overcome.

Virtual hand hold for you; it sounds like a really mind-stressing situation.

I know we need to speak but he is of the thought we “ageeed” on four children I think we do have four but sadly one is no longer here
He wouldn’t pressure me or anything but if I’m honest I’m not ready I know it’s hard with my age we can’t wait about also the ages of our children it’s not ideal he wanted to a few years ago but I wasn’t ready and he was fine and supportive