Sex education

[TiddlesUpATree]

Please help wise women of Mumsnet. DS had a lesson on puberty today and has been asking how exactly the sperm and egg get together. His teacher said he wasn't prepared to answer and if they want to know they should ask parents. Does anyone know of good books/videos to explain this difficult topic in an age appropriate fashion to a 9 year old? I should know this but though we had some time yet.
AIBU to ask for guidance on this.

No help with books but you ought to speak to the school about this. If they teach sex education then they need to be prepared to answer questions that naturally come up rather than this half-arsed approach.

www.amazon.co.uk/Boys-Guide-Growing-Up/dp/1526360179/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&hasWorkingJavascript=1&keywords=sex+education+for+boys&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1624460335&sr=8-1
This is a great book we have the girl version I also bought this for my 8 year old nephew

He's nine. Just tell him the facts. The man's penis goes in the women's vagina, and the sperm swim around until they meet an egg. Just keep answering his questions factually.

More helpfully, the Robie Harris books are good - theres a serious of them, getting more explicit as you go through the series (they have an age recommendation on the cover).

If you do get them you may wish to get an older second hand one, as apparently the newer ones have a lot of pseudoscience about boys being born in girls body's and vice versa.

You don't need a book, you need to tell him the facts and take him to watch near a few fields with a ram or bull in amongst the females. Then you need to check whether he was actually told this by the school.

There's a good book by Dr Ranj, all nice and factual also covers other stuff in terms of the wider world ie social media, etc. My 9 year old has read parts by himself and we've discussed others.

@ChainJane

No help with books but you ought to speak to the school about this. If they teach sex education then they need to be prepared to answer questions that naturally come up rather than this half-arsed approach.

This. Why on earth are they not prepared for all kinds of questions after a sex ed lesson (especially with nine year olds?!)

Also agree with PP that giving a factual and anatomical explanation is better. If he’s old enough to ask, he’s old enough to get an answer!

I've got an usborne book on where babies come from and puberty, but I've also discussed all this with them since they were quite young. Just make sure any books are about biological facts and not gender identity bollocks.

Erm.. just tell him? He's plenty old enough, my child was much younger.

You don't have to give him the ins and outs so to speak, just the facts.

There is nothing shameful or difficult to understand about sex.

Some girls start their periods at this age for goodness sake.

I also think the teacher is really out of order and I'd want to speak to the school about their approach. It's really not good enough and has been handled badly. Almost promoting that there is something shameful or embarrassing about procreation.

@ChainJane

No help with books but you ought to speak to the school about this. If they teach sex education then they need to be prepared to answer questions that naturally come up rather than this half-arsed approach.

Schools will have their own curriculum as set out in their RSE policy. Specific things are covered in specific years and questions about those things addressed in specific years.

For example, our Y4 children (8 to 9) learn about basic changes and periods (as some start that early). They don't learn about sex so if a question about sex came up, the teacher would say something along the lines of: "That's something you'll cover in Y6 or you can ask your parents in the meantime."

This isn't half-arsed: it's topics broken down by age in a way that's appropriate.

Thanks all. Want to give him the facts and no gender bollocks but he's very inquisitive and teacher telling him to ask us has made him more curious. Will order one of the books mentioned and answer directly.

Honestly I don't expect people to take the same approach as me but I've been honest with my daughter. She turned 10 yesterday and has been full of questions from a young age as she's obsessed with babies and pregnancy and she's also incredibly switched on, so it became important to just be honest. I used it as an opportunity to teach her about consent, online grooming, even the ethics of sex work and that sex isn't just for procreation and that it can be fun, her needs matter too ect and that she'll know when she's ready for sex and all that stuff. I'm sure plenty of people will say it's too much for her to know but honestly she feels empowered having the information, and it's nothing she doesn't hear on the playground at school but this way she understands what's being said and she's never afraid to ask me questions. Going through puberty herself she knows what to expect and why it's happening. If anything our bond is wonderful because she trusts me to be honest and to not react negatively. Long may that continue because my parents weren't like that at all and I got myself in some stupid situations and even asked my mum to go on birth control in her work so I knew she couldn't shout at me or get upset for it.

For example, our Y4 children (8 to 9) learn about basic changes and periods (as some start that early). They don't learn about sex so if a question about sex came up, the teacher would say something along the lines of: "That's something you'll cover in Y6 or you can ask your parents in the meantime."

Yes this. The teacher is not ‘out of order’. The school does not have a ‘half-arsed approach’.

He is teaching a lesson on puberty which is now statutory for younger children (partly because early onset puberty is more common now).
Sex education about the act of sex itself is not statutory (in primary school - I don’t know about secondary school). Parents have the right to remove their child from sex education. Some parents at my school do exercise this right and would have every right to complain if I just told them the facts of life in year 3 or 4. I would be in serious trouble!

Therefore the teacher did exactly the right thing.

His teacher said he wasn't prepared to answer and if they want to know they should ask parents

But it's in the KS2 science curriculum, the kids need to know about internal fertilisation of sperm and egg, so he absolutely should've answered the question, and it's pretty pointless delaying a few weeks when this is normally taught in year 5 anyway?

sirfred
The reference in the Year Five curriculum is:
describe the life process of reproduction in some plants and animals

That does not mean they will necessarily cover internal sperm/egg reproduction, particularly if that is in the school's RSE policy for Year Six.

Also, a 9 year old at this point in the year is likely Year Four. Only youngest in Year Five will be 9 now.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mummy-Laid-Egg-Picture-Books/dp/0099299119?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 This is the book I had 25 years ago

I wish things had been like today in the 1950s. My parents were too embarrassed to even mention the word s e x and the only school attempt was a grainy black and white film about amoebas in a Nissan hut. Not surprising I believed babies were born by the mother's belly button opening wide enough for the baby to be plucked from the womb by a midwife.

I think it's out of order not to answer kids' questions directly. It's a very straight forward question. I wonder if parents might have complained if the children went home with this new knowledge and the parents hadn't been forewarned. I guess it's different having responsibility for only your own child.

Google Betty bus. They have puberty resources for parents and teachers about puberty, periods etc