Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Aibu or is this a bit weird/wrong

24 replies

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 14:14

Before we tried for dd I had to wait 3 years for partner to be ready waited the 3 years then it took 3 years to conceive, once she was born we decided we would try for another when dd was one, things happened and it got delayed on his side ie his choice not mine etc this was almost 3 years ago now! fast forward to January this year and I said to him if we're not trying by June then I will consider leaving the relationship as he is clearly future faking me and knew from the start I wanted more than one child ( I'm 33 so not exactly really young ) so today I said to him shall we try now ? To which he said we would be trying for a baby in July I laughed and said so your going to make me wait 8 days to start trying then he said " yes I said July " I laughed again because it seems silly he'd make me wait an extra week when I've already waited years and his reply was " if your going to be like that then yes I will make you wait the week " it's given me major ick I've been with him for 11 years so not a new relationship either a

OP posts:

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 23/06/2021 14:21

He probably feels that you are forcing his hand so is trying to assert some control in the situation.

Neither of you come off particularly well here.

Another baby with an unwilling partner isn't going to end well.

You'll resent him if you don't have a baby he will resent you if you do.

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 14:25

Fwiw he keeps telling me he definitely wants more kids

OP posts:

NakedNugget · 23/06/2021 14:26

I don't blame you for being annoyed. He's being ridiculous. Not surprised you've got the ick.

I'm surprised more women don't go down the clinic/donor route and do it alone because men are mostly useless

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 14:38

He also said " if your going to be like that you can forget it all "
When I've said okay just forget it it's obviously not what you want he's come back with obviously I don't want to forget it 🙄

OP posts:

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 23/06/2021 14:45

Is he unhappy with the idea of sex being seen only as 'trying for a baby'?

Some people find it really pressurising or a turn off if sex seems scheduled or for the end goal of conception rather than fun, or love or just horniness.

Trying to understand if his comment initially about waiting the week was because he wanted to feel like you just wanted sex with him, not that you wanted him to impregnate you.

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 14:47

No don't think it's about the sex at all xx

OP posts:

starfishmummy · 23/06/2021 14:50

Apart from the fact that this is about a potential baby you both sound like a pair of kids.

SharkAttack1972 · 23/06/2021 14:59

Do u worry that when he does say yes to trying, he will not " finish the job' so u do not get pregnant? I think he is future faking, sorry.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 23/06/2021 15:01

Yes that sounds ridiculous. It's not like you can just have sex at any random time of the month and get pregnant. At most there's a week with a chance of conceiving. Has he said why he wants to wait a week?

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 15:01

@starfishmummy how am I acting like a kid ?

@SharkAttack1972 I think your right xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 15:01

@SaltAndVinegarSandwiches I asked why and he said " I said July and that's when I want to try "

OP posts:

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 23/06/2021 15:03

It sounds very much like everything has to be on his terms. (Obviously you're not going to try for a baby before both are ready but since a week makes no difference that's clearly not the issue here and it sounds like he's calling the shots rather than having a conversation).

Mountaingoatling · 23/06/2021 15:10

To be fair I wouldn't want to extend my family with someone who issued ultimatums and couldn't compromise. Three years from meeting to trying to conceive a child isn't overly long. It's quite fast. What has he done wrong other than have a different opinion to you? I'm confused.

EllaBlaire · 23/06/2021 15:35

He probably feels that you’re not that interested in being in a relationship with him, you just want his sperm… that’s how it reads to me anyway.

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 15:51

@Mountaingoatling three years ? I've been with this bloke 11 years! It's him who is stopping us try for a baby he won't even propose because it's got to be when he decides!

OP posts:

Mountaingoatling · 23/06/2021 15:53

[quote Gymhairdontcare]@Mountaingoatling three years ? I've been with this bloke 11 years! It's him who is stopping us try for a baby he won't even propose because it's got to be when he decides! [/quote]
I'm sorry i confused some of the numbers in your original post.

3scape · 23/06/2021 16:05

You say 11 years.

You said 3 years to wait. 3 years to try and conceive and 3 years since (9). So you first wanted a child at 22 (?) Which was quite young.

You're still young enough and one week isn't really here or there.

It sounds very bitter though. I was very focused on my two children and didn't really take in what my ex was capable of. Do you really think he's going to take to the stress of a baby again? Of two children? It sounds as though something is broken in the way you communicate.

LemonRoses · 23/06/2021 16:09

So sad. A child is meant to be the fulfillment of a relationship, with a shared commitment to raising the infant jointly in a loving environment. A baby is never going to work well as a bartering tool or battering ram.

Chikapu · 23/06/2021 16:17

Why are you so desperate to have another child with this man? It sounds like everything has to be on his terms or he isn't playing. Deeply unattractive.

TallFriendlyGinger · 23/06/2021 16:21

It doesn't sound like he wants more kids and it's not like you can force him to try. Sounds a bit immature saying he's given you the ick because he wants to wait a week.

JaffaRaf · 23/06/2021 16:22

You issued an ultimatum so he was petty in response, sounds like a very tit for tat argument really. You’ve both acknowledged you want more children though and 33 isn’t old to be thinking about a second, maybe giving it more time isn’t such a bad thing seen as he sounds pretty immature.

Flippittyflopperty · 23/06/2021 16:22

Sounds like he needs to have the final say to be the big man. How unattractive.

Original poster

Gymhairdontcare · 23/06/2021 16:50

When we got together I didn't straight away ask for a baby it was a couple of years in!

OP posts:

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 23/06/2021 17:36

Surely it depends on when your fertile window is rather than the date in the calendar.

If you're fertile today/tomorrow then i can understand not wanting to wait.

If you're not fertile until (for example) 10th July, you may as well wait until then to start trying to conceive anyway, or am I missing something?

Flip