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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner changes his behaviour around female colleague

11 replies

Newmum1978 · 23/06/2021 13:13

I feel like my partner 37 (I am 34) seeks attention and validation from him female colleagues. I don't feel any jealousy when he's on nights out or from any of his female friends but this is bugging me.

He has headhunted only two members of staff who happen to be beautiful younger women. One of them aged 29 he gave a £60k salary to when he wasn't actively hiring for the role. I also overheard that her boyfriend felt threatened by my partner.

He was then meeting up with her and went to the gym two days in a row (he doesn't go, started grooming more than normal and got as dressed up as he would for our date night. He suffers from depression and seemed to have pulled out of it.

I just feel a little gutted that he hasn't made that effort in such a long time and it wasn't for me.

A similar thing happened last year when he was messaging the other women on whatsapp before she had started working for him. I had a feeling he had a crush on her and he started being really secretive about their relationship after that.

He's not cheated but it makes me feel uncomfortable - am I being unreasonable? He is really good to me aside from this.

OP posts:
hardboiledeggs · 23/06/2021 13:29

I'm really sorry but it looks like he is certainly trying to cheat on you. This isn't normal behaviour and to be honest I'm not sure what you can do about it. Speak to him about it, chances are how he reacts will help you decide what to do.

Sparklfairy · 23/06/2021 13:33

I wouldn't like this. Even if he hasnt/won't sleep with them, he's using these women as an ego boost and doesn't give a shit about how that might make you feel.

arethereanyleftatall · 23/06/2021 13:38

Men are only as faithful as their options.

You say he hasn't cheated, but from what you've written, it sounds like he would if the women were up for it.

OrangeRug · 23/06/2021 14:18

@arethereanyleftatall

Men are only as faithful as their options.

You say he hasn't cheated, but from what you've written, it sounds like he would if the women were up for it.

Yeah this; His behaviour is inappropriate and disrespectful.
BobMortimersPetOwl · 23/06/2021 14:44

I mean regardless of whether he's physically cheated, it's not great is it? I think its very easy for some people to get carried away with a bit of flattery, and wanting to impress but I've seen that lead to more time and time again.

Ultimately who he hires and on what salary isn't really your concern. But how he behaves around those people is. Have you spoken to him?

VladmirsPoutine · 23/06/2021 14:49

He's taken it too far methinks. It could be just a bit of flattery, a change of scenery, but whatever it is it is disrespectful to you. Have you actually spoken to him about how you feel?

As a note men can and will check out/in to relationships at a whims notice. As a PP said a lot of men are only as faithful as their circumstances and opportunities allow them.

cocoloco987 · 23/06/2021 15:03

He's not cheated but it makes me feel uncomfortable - am I being unreasonable? He is really good to me aside from this.

Are you sure? If he hasn't it certainly sounds like he wants to. YANBU

Shoxfordian · 23/06/2021 15:04

He’s not treating you like the most important woman in his life

Taikoo · 23/06/2021 15:10

Ditch him.
He'll never change.

Frownette · 23/06/2021 15:12

I wouldn't like that.

QueenBee52 · 23/06/2021 15:14

He's shopping ... how gross using his position to collect women 😳

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