To be ridiculously tearful after a holiday?

[IHTC]

We were away last week and returned on Saturday just gone. I have felt so so sad since we've been back, I could burst into tears and have to distract myself to prevent it actually happening.

Everytime we have a holiday I end up going through this for weeks and I wonder if for some people, a holiday just isn't healthy? I get so caught up in all the fun and love being around all of my family. Then we get back, reality hits and I feel so low.

Is this a thing that nobody talks about? Or am I just being ridiculous as let's be honest, we're very lucky to have had a holiday in the first place!

I used to feel like this - I remember being in a bad mood for a month once after a big family holiday. And it wasn’t even to anywhere special, just family all being around.

I realised that was what I missed, as it sounds like it might be the same for you. I missed being around extended family more often. Once I realised, I tried to bring then more into my current life, but geographically it was impossible. I ended up moving to be closer to them a few years ago.

It was the best thing I ever did. My baseline level of happiness is so much higher. Life really improved just because I identified something important to me and made the change to have it in my life more often.

I hope you work out what it is for you in your life and can make the change. It seemed like a really big thing to move and get a new job and possibly go down a job level to move and all that - but in reality I now think the time away was wasted time and wish I worked it out sooner :)

I get like that each time I’m going to see my parents and then come back home. Though I know WHY I’m feeling low and I just don’t to come back.

I suspect that there is something that is actually quite heavy for you happening at home.
You mention work and it could well be it. Or maybe it’s a few things coming in the top of each other. But I would take it as a sign that there is something making you deeply unhappy. You clearly usually manage to push it aside. But bottling things up is never healthy and id look at why a but more carefully

I get this too - I’m happy with my home life but of course holidays are generally routine and carefree.

I like the idea of @FishintheStream and will try it next time I’m away!

IHTC, I have never felt exactly how you feel but I did often find holidays quite stressful and was always glad to come home. I don't think how you are feeling is that unusual and it must be worse if you actually have awful experiences while you are away (you haven't said you have had awful experiences).

What husband and I found was it was easier to 'holiday' in this country (though we both enjoyed short breaks abroad at times), rent a cottage and just relax in our home from home.

Our children didn't care one way or the other, they enjoyed themselves regardless but I have to say I was insistent on some sort of holiday while they were still with us, just so they had something to say about it with their friends. We sometimes took a friend with us and once 'holidayed' near to where another friend and parents were staying, and did a few things together. They were successful holidays, but I was still glad to come home.

We're all different, op. There's no right or wrong about it.

I vividly remember crying on the plane on the way home from a weeks holiday with friends. I think it was just because we had such a great time and was having to go back to the old routine.

I cry when I see the big pile of washing that needs doing.

@Bluntness100

Is this less about the holiday and more about you are not happy with your life? It seems you’re crying becayse you don’t like your reality?

Yes. I used to get it bad when I came home from a holiday if I was returning to a shit relationship or if I was on my own and knowing I wouldn't see everyone for a while. It's a false, happy reality when you're there.

I know how you feel - we had an idyllic holiday in Cornwall a few years ago. It was peaceful, happy and restorative. I remember coming home and feeling so trapped, tearful and resigned to ongoing drudgery. It does ease after a few weeks as you get back to 'normal'.

I’ve had some amazing holidays but never cried afterwards. Do you live near your family and spend enough time with them normally? Ie will you miss them now the holiday is over?
You said your job might normally contribute to it but you’re on mat leave now - maybe it’s a conditioned response at this point? I think you need to do some introspection about what makes you feel so low about normal life.

Awww I get this too ☹️

I think I agree with others who said it's not about holidays but about real life. Holiday is lovely, we don't have to think about normal everyday stuff.
But most people know you can't live like that, so they enjoy the ime away from reality.
I love being on the holiday, and of course I feel sad to leave, but as soon as I get home, feel really happy to be home.

I've only felt like this once. We had been on holiday in a beautiful villa with every luxury and when I got home the difference between my tatty little flat (which I'd never thought of in that way before) and the beautiful villa was a real shock.

Nowadays the best bit of a holiday is coming home and sleeping in my own bed. I travel a lot (or I did before lockdowns) and I love to see the world but there is no place like home. I think it might be because I'm introverted so being outside the home can be an effort.

I feel like this and always have, about Christmas, holidays, birthdays etc.

I get like this too OP. I call it my post holiday comedown.

Maybe its the combination of being with wider family as well? So they can do some of the childcare,you have someone on tap to talk to /share problems with and so on . If you have just had a baby ,you may feel a bit hormonal too . Maybe as others have said here another job may help? Or a change of hours .Try to build some treats in as well .Maybe a meal out with your family , or some days out as the Summer is coming?

I’ve only ever that once when we got back from Disney world, I can’t explain why but I felt so down me and DH just randomly started crying, I didn’t feel back to normal for a good month. We went the next year but was a lot better when we got home. Can’t explain why and never really had it since.

OP you make an extremely valid point and it’s something I know I experience pretty much every time I come back from a holiday. We tend to visit the same place several times each year, we plan to relocate there one day. The life I have at home now is not the life I dream of nor the life I want to live long term but for my well-being I have learned to accept that I will be going back at some point and I will live there one day. This makes the following days after returning home much easier.

I sometimes feel sad coming home from a good day out (with friends whose lives are more together...) or time away from my life. It's partly because I don't like my house/the area and can't see that changing/ feeling of failure that I can't improve life.

It is only brief and passes though...

This makes me think of those folks you see crying and hugging the staff when they leave after their holiday. The staff are never crying in return. It’s so so uncomfortable to watch and something I can never understand.

With your situation though it seems you are not crying because your holiday is over, you’re crying because you’re back to real life. So there is an issue there.

I love holidays, but I’m also more than happy to come back. I think I’d examine what it is that’s making you so so unhappy that you cry at the thought of returning to it. Your phrase “reality hits” and you feel so low is very telling and its clearly not all about your job as you’re on maternity leave.

Do you feel supported in your day to day life? Do you have friends? A social life?

When I managed a travel agent we used to write to people when they returned to invite them to book their next break, it’s a thing.

I get sad on a Monday when DC go to school and DH to work!

@Shoxfordian

What don’t you like about your normal life?

This. If it's this upsetting, and the upset regularly goes on for weeks every time you come back from a holiday, then I think there's something wrong with your current life. Can you think about making some changes?

My ILs absolutely live from holiday to holiday -- they book a year or two years in advance, save like mad, go on diets, buy new holiday wardrobes and do genuinely seem to be in the state of mind of a small child longing for Christmas months in advance of leaving.

I would say that what they have in common (this is my PIL, two SILs and their husbands) is that their day to day lives are dull, and in the case of one SIL and both SILs' DHs, physically tough, in that they work very hard in low-paid manual jobs. I think their holidays give them something to look forward to.

This makes me think of those folks you see crying and hugging the staff when they leave after their holiday.

Seriously? Is this a thing? Like, the staff working on reception in the hotel, or something?

I'm the opposite, I enjoy being on holiday to a certain degree but TBH I look forward more to returning home than I do going on holiday.

I find the travel stressful, the planning and packing, remembering all the bits and bobs, being away from my home comforts, not knowing where to get taxis and shopping and so on. I also seem to bloat on holiday (all the snacks I guess!) so as time goes on I feel uncomfortable. I don't like sweating in the sun, strap marks, sand flies, sand everywhere, watching the kids like a hawk near the water all the time. On the surface I look like I'm totally cool with all this but it's not my natural habitat.

I hide it from DH and the kids but I am never more happy than touching down at home. I feel refreshed being back at home, as in I can't wait to get more organised, do better, tackle unfinished jobs, get back to "normal". I like my own stuff and my own environment best! I was the same as a kid so I haven't changed!

I do this but not just with holidays, it was my birthday yeasterday, i had a lovely day but today i just feel a bit deflated.
I think post holiday blues are fairly common. I always book 2 holidays a year atleast a year in advance so when we return we already have the next holiday booked to look forward to.

@Bluntness100

This makes me think of those folks you see crying and hugging the staff when they leave after their holiday. The staff are never crying in return. It’s so so uncomfortable to watch and something I can never understand.

With your situation though it seems you are not crying because your holiday is over, you’re crying because you’re back to real life. So there is an issue there.

I love holidays, but I’m also more than happy to come back. I think I’d examine what it is that’s making you so so unhappy that you cry at the thought of returning to it. Your phrase “reality hits” and you feel so low is very telling and its clearly not all about your job as you’re on maternity leave.

Do you feel supported in your day to day life? Do you have friends? A social life?

Yes, I hear of people who go back to the same holiday place year on year on year (nothing wrong with that BTW, I can appreciate the benefit in the familiarity) BUT they seem to think the staff are actual family and that the feeling is reciprocated.

Perhaps there is a certain warmth from staff for returning guests, but if you go there one or two weeks out of 52, and so do hundreds of others at the same time, then the staff must develop a professional distance even if they make the right noises. As in, I can't believe that staff feeling the same way back is common even if the holiday makers seem to believe it. Recognising returning guests warmly yes, but the holiday makers that talk about the staff as family and feel it's 100% reciprocated with the same level of emotional investment, probably not.