Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with school

58 replies

Backofbeyond50 · 23/06/2021 01:22

Dd2 doesn't find school easy. She is ASD and suffers from anxiety. So much so that her attendance is low.
So in the last year she has received two detention slips for another child.
I let the first one go as she actually handled it quite well and got the detention cancelled with support from a friend. But the 2nd time has made me cross.
AIBU

OP posts:
Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 26/06/2021 20:23

Excuses for disablist practice should never be accepted

Bloodypunkrockers · 26/06/2021 20:23

@Blondie1984

Do you mean she has ASD? I suspect it isn’t who she is...
Glad someone else noticed that
donerwillbehere · 26/06/2021 20:36

I would speak to the school , definitely the SENCO as other MNs have said apply for an EHCP this will help your daughter whilst at school .
During exams your daughter is able to all sorts of concessions for instance extra time , scribe being another room . Also an EHCP is legal binding so the school has to abide by this . Maybe an assessment by SALT they could assess her understanding and processing of language and how to communicate.
There are some sites that you can look up

Ambitious about Autism is a good one . It is full of information and support .

Good Luck seek some support for you both .

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 26/06/2021 20:58

I emailed the school but have yet to have a response. We will see
EHCP in progress

OP posts:
0None0 · 27/06/2021 10:24

@Notwavingbutdrowing3

Excuses for disablist practice should never be accepted
Nothing disablist about it. It’s just GDPR. Get used to it
ObviousNameChage · 27/06/2021 11:15

@Backofbeyond50

I emailed the school but have yet to have a response. We will see EHCP in progress
Hopefully they reply soon.

What seems like a silly mistake,just get over it, won't be the same for a child with ASD and anxiety that already struggles with being in school. Also, they might not be equipped with the language and confidence to fight it, which will further affect their confidence and self esteem. Not to mention the effect of the trust and relationships they have with the school/teachers.

VeganVeal · 27/06/2021 12:13

Maybe the school might make a mistake on exam results and your DD got the wrong but better results of another child, swings and roundabouts really

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 12:19

Disablist practise, it's a human error.

I have 4 of the same name child in a class, 2 surnames are v similar too and next to each other on the register. It wouldn't take much for me to click the wrong thing, or admin person to give the detention to the wrong person. It's horribly unfortunate but not disablist!

What do you mean by presented with a slip? If she is not in school, how does the slip get to her?

Deadleaf29 · 27/06/2021 12:29

“What a load of fuss over a basic admin error. She just points out the mistake. Job done.”

The disabilist bit is where you just blithely say “she just points out the mistake” like OP is being ridiculous and it’s that simple for a child with anxieties around school and autism (you know, a social communication disorder).

It’s no doubt an honest mistake but OP is being perfectly reasonable to pull the school up on it, especially as it’s happened twice.

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 27/06/2021 16:33

Yeah actually the stress of sorting out the 1st error with a friend's help caused repercussions the next day with school attendance but yeah just a dimple admin error by two different members of staff.

OP posts:
Seashor · 27/06/2021 16:43

Work a day as a teacher and then you might be a little bit kinder towards the teacher who made an honest mistake. Honestly some of you need to give your heads a wobble. A MISTAKE was made no one died!

ObviousNameChage · 27/06/2021 16:50

@Seashor

Work a day as a teacher and then you might be a little bit kinder towards the teacher who made an honest mistake. Honestly some of you need to give your heads a wobble. A MISTAKE was made no one died!
The issue is that that mistake (by more than one teacher) can affect OP's DD in many significant ways. Since she's already anxious and struggling to go in, things like this won't help. That's why OP can't just let it go or just shrug her shoulders and move on. Yes mistakes happened, but they do need pointed out and steps taken to prevent this and restore trust with DD.

Any teacher worth their salt would actually understand this , apologise and try to do better.

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 17:01

If I had this come through to me as a teacher, I'd apologise to the student and get the detention cancelled. I understand ASD and anxiety makes it harder for dd to process what is a human error, but there's not much more I could do.

The DD doesn't even know about the second occurrence.

Original poster
Backofbeyond50 · 27/06/2021 18:17

Obviously I am not going to go mad at the school or the teachers. I sent a very polite EMAIL. Hopefully their response will be enough to reassure me that it won't happen again.
Personally I am always supportive of teachers but there are some other matters which make me feel a little let down by this school. Not for this thread though.

OP posts:
Hercisback · 27/06/2021 21:11

Nice to hear back. I can understand your frustration and I hope you get a reply from the school.

Sorry you feel let down by the school. Always worth a conversation with them about this, if you feel up to it. I hope your dd is able to be back in school soon.

0None0 · 27/06/2021 22:08

You don’t seem to be getting it. You are not going to be able to get any sort of guarantee that it won’t happen again. Unless you get yourself elected to Parliament and repeal the GDPR rules. How are teachers supposed to not see surnames, not use surnames, and yet miraculously know surnames? I have more than 300 students

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 22:09

This GDPR surname thing is bonkers and a complete misinterpretation of GDPR law. You can still use surnames!

0None0 · 27/06/2021 22:14

You can use surnames, but not in emails, not in written communication, not in planners, not in paper registers or records if any kind that aren’t left in a locked container on school
Premises So effectively, in day to day life, no, you can’t use surnames

greenlynx · 27/06/2021 22:18

YANBU to be cross, who wouldn’t? I would email straight away after the first mistake. My DD has additional needs and I know that for a child with additional needs to go and sort out something like this is a huge thing so he/she needs help from their parent. However I know for sure that my friend with 2 NT DC would email straight away as well. Why should your child sit someone else’s detention? It’s bonkers.

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 22:18

Your school is bonkers then!! Of course you can write a surname in an email or on your planner.

0None0 · 27/06/2021 22:26

@Hercisback

Your school is bonkers then!! Of course you can write a surname in an email or on your planner.
If you have full names including surnames written in your planner, and your planner is currently anywhere other than under lock and key on the school premises, then you have committed a very serious breach of GDPR @Hercisback, and laying yourself and your school open to prosecution and almost unlimited fines. UNLESS you can show you have made a written request to have the information at home with you, specifically for this weekend, and explained exactly why that is necessary, and had permission granted, also in writing
0None0 · 27/06/2021 22:26

I agree it’s stupid and bonkers, but it’s also the law, and if you are not following it, then you need to ask for training in this area

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 22:27

Pretty sure I haven't...!

Definitely someone over egging GDPR there.

Hercisback · 27/06/2021 22:35

We're allowed to take books home, planners are allowed to go home too. We're also allowed to remote access in from home.

Emails are fine with surnames on the school system.

0None0 · 28/06/2021 06:12

@Hercisback

We're allowed to take books home, planners are allowed to go home too. We're also allowed to remote access in from home.

Emails are fine with surnames on the school system.

Yes, you can take books and planners home, as long as they have no personal data in them, such as surnames etc.

No, not ‘overegging’ the GDPR. Except that GDPR itself is overegging.

Sounds like some teachers and/or schools have not taken in board the full implications of the act.

Swipe left for the next trending thread