Does anyone feel the way I'm feeling about retirement and just wanting their life back?

[lardylegs123]

It's a way off yet, as I'm only 47. I'm single, and raise my children pretty much single-handedly. Their father is good (we are divorced), but is a Disney dad, who doesn't really get involved with the nitty-gritty of parenting. Never makes a packed lunch, never does any laundry, never did a day's homeschooling during the lockdowns, etc. His choice. He has always been very work focused and is a good provider at least.
I work 4 1/2 days a week. My job has its challenges but sometimes feels easier than home!
I am a good mum. I am kind and nurturing, and am always there to help my kids in any way I can, talk to them, support them, love them, care for them.
However I don't feel like I'm living the life I should be. I'd choose things differently in another life, and have no dependents. Sorry, I know how awful that sounds. I am worn out, resentful, lonely and fed up. I dream of living abroad by the sea on my own - cliched, or what?!
My youngest is 12 years old. I sometimes wonder when it would be decent for me to start my new life elsewhere. Maybe when she is 20? Or is that too young?
Perhaps I am looking at this fantasy life with rose-coloured specs, and that all I'd feel is purposeless and lonely! I really don't know. Maybe I should stop watching episodes of Place in the Sun
I've never particularly relished responsibility, even though I have always done the right thing. Ex has the children every second weekend. We are civil, but not amicable enough that I could request more time. And in any case, a week off wouldn't change my view. I just want my life back, selfish as that sounds.
I love my children and would do anything for them, but can anyone else relate?
Eldest is now 20 and I feel like I've been doing this forever.

Well I am about to move to a place by the sea on my own - my children are in their 30s and I have lived on my own for the last 10 years, but they are still miffed I am moving further away. You will get there one day!

I can relate.

What i suggest is you write down a bullet point for what you want.

Then take each bullet point and unpick it as to what it is that attracts you about it. You want to live abroad- does this mean you want more travel / more adventure etc.

See if you can work out what it is specifically you are after and then either incorporate more of this in your current life, or start to see the steps you need to take to live out your preferred life.

If it is impossible for you to pack up and move, then it may be that you can insert elements into your current life that will provide some sense of satisfaction.

Thanks and all the best to you

@BlueLobelia

Very good idea. I really, really miss holidays abroad, with the kids.
Or city breaks without!
A holiday fix would do me good, but sadly ours has been cancelled.

Im mid(ish) 50's children early 20's 1. it does get easier and 2. a year ago I decided to change how I worked I had a very stressful demanding job it was starting to have serious impact on my physical and mental health. Firstly I chucked it in then moved home I live by the sea surrounded by a simply stunning landscape (the key is in the username). I still work in the same field but in a much less demanding role and only on a temporary basis, Im very lucky there's loads of work I decide when I work and for how long and even where. Im marginally less well off but I'm a million times happier I now no longer figuratively and literally bring work home with me everyday and most importantly much much healthier. 10 years ago I would never in a million years thought I'd be where I am, (I barely knew Scotland having only been to Edinburgh and Lock Ness). I like you had dreamed of living a different life to the one I was living but never thought it would happen I was ambitious and was busy climbing the greasy pole
What I'm trying to say is that you can change your lot in life at any time in your life at present this may not be the right time to do it but there is nothing to say that in 10 years time you can't, I accept for some it will always be easier than for other but nothing is impossible.
I once saw a poster on a wall "limits only exist in your mind". Good luck

I absolutely relate. I have an 18yo and a 12yo and adore them, but have this whole alternative life in my head that I really hope to live one day.
No advice, just solidarity.

I totally relate. I'm a bit older than you and DS is 17. Been a LP for years. DS hasn't even stayed over with his DF for the past 2 years, and prior to that it was definitely the Disney Dad experience - I can count on one finger the times he washed an article of DS' clothing for e.g..

It really is starting to feel like a new chapter is around the corner and I have started making plans.

Hang on in there! No harm in starting to research ideas and visit locations you might want to settle in future. Small steps like PP have said

Thanks everyone.
You're lovely.

I’ve been clear with my two that when the youngest turns 18, me and their dad are selling up, moving and changing our working patterns. I think lockdown has shown us the benefits of slowing down - growing food in the garden, creative hobbies, cooking etc. Can’t wait! (It’s 10 years away )....

The years will fly by. At the end of the day 20 is an adult, but I would wantto see my Dcs settled. Do you think their Dad is a big part of why you feel this way?

Watching with interest as everything you've said is relatable to me. No advice sorry, I've come on to read the suggestions.

Hope you're okay OP.