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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with MIL's comments?

54 replies

inpixiehollow · 22/06/2021 17:45

So me and my partner have a daughter who is almost one and are due another baby in November. Me and OH weren't fussed about the baby's sex at all but found our we're expecting a baby boy. We've had lovely reactions off everybody except MIL who keeps rubbing me up the wrong way with the sort of comments she is making.
I should add that my partner is her only child and she is the typical overbearing, pandering to OH type of MIL.
So firstly she said something to the effect of "ooh I can finally have trainsets again!" the first time I just thought it was a bit weird but upon the 3rd time of her saying it my partner replied "daughter would have trainsets too!" And she said "yes but it's different" Hmm
Another time visiting our house she saw some clothes hanging up that we had bought for baby. She said "It's lovely to see little boys clothes!" Which doesn't seem too bizarre but she basically gave me a dressing down about our daughters wardrobe and how "she has too many clothes". She also put on Facebook "how wonderful it will be to have a mini-partners name"
I'm starting to feel like there is going to be favouritism especially when the baby is born and also wish she would acknowledge the baby will be his own self. AIBU to get annoyed? I don't mind her being excited but it already feels like my daughter isn't good enough.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 22/06/2021 20:29

I’d wait and see, if she blatantly plays favourites with one child, keep both your DC’s contact with her to a minimum.

If she’s normal and treats both your dc the same let her crack on.

KindergartenKop · 22/06/2021 20:31

I bet he'll look just like you Wink

Gilly12345 · 22/06/2021 20:40

She sounds weird, I would give her a wide berth and not ask for any favours/babysitting ever, this seems like favouritism with an unborn child. Good luck as I think you are going to need it.

saraclara · 22/06/2021 20:51

She's had one child. A boy. So she's excited that there's going to be another boy in the family. I had daughters. When my first grandchild arrived, and it was a girl, I was bowled over by nostalgia and the feelings I had about reliving (in a good way! I'm not a ' taking over' type grandma!) having a little girl around. Obviously I'd have been thrilled about a boy too, but I imagine I said things along the lines of the things that this MIL said. It's just excitement and love coming together.

Remoulade · 22/06/2021 21:21

@NakedAttraction

MILs really can’t win with this. Display excitement and you’re favouring one sex over the other. Stay neutral and you’re accused of not caring or showing any interest.
How about you just display excitement for the baby and not for the sex at all? There's really no need for the excited boy comments.
purpletoadstool · 22/06/2021 21:26

My MIL had all boys and is really uninterested in her 3 boy Grandchildren. She dotes on the 2 girls, spends crazy money on them, brags about them. They all have their own weird.

saraclara · 22/06/2021 22:02

They all have their own weird.

And some of us are normal.

With any luck, one day you'll be a MIL or a grandmother. Do feel free to come back and tell us how you're weird.

sotiredofthislonelylife · 22/06/2021 22:06

@saraclara

They all have their own weird.

And some of us are normal.

With any luck, one day you'll be a MIL or a grandmother. Do feel free to come back and tell us how you're weird.

Well said!
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/06/2021 22:12

I'd be mildly irritated at the 'now we can have trains' comment but those kind of things are easy to challenge with a direct comment 'oh I'm sure we will get sister some anyway and he will play with them when they're older' or 'ha ha ha no one thinks there are girls and boys toys anymore grandma!' Or whatever your relationship is with her. I don't agree with it but plenty of people have a preference for a certain sex based on what they think the child will enjoy (normally aligned to what they snjoy) However I'd wait and see what she is like with your daughter and see if she does actually treat them differently before getting too pissed off as that's the important thing. Is she a good grandparent to your daughter?

Sillawithans · 22/06/2021 22:27

Crikey, you can't stand her can you. I'm mammy and my children will more than likely call me that forever. Where I'm from grown men refer to their parents as mammy and daddy, not weird at all.
I feel sorry for this lady. You don't sound nice at all.

Laiste · 22/06/2021 22:28

My X MIL was bitter as hell about daughters. She had 3 sons (her eldest is my XH) and before i had any kids it was all ''oh i wish i'd had a daughter. We tried 3 times and then FIL said enough was enough'' ect.

I went on to have 3 DDs (each 2 years apart) and with each one she got more snippy. She said all sorts of horrible things to me over the years. Thanking god she had boys. Oh how glad she was to not have had any girls. Who wants loads of girls, ect. All this was out of the blue at different times Confused The one i remember most was when she said ''oh never mind at least it's healthy'' when told about DD3 being born Hmm

Cow.

NakedNugget · 22/06/2021 22:30

Why are so many MILs bat shit crazy?!

3scape · 22/06/2021 22:41

My ex MIL proudly told me she was glad she had 2 boys as she never wanted girls (she had 3 sister's I am thinking it's connected). She has only 4 granddaughters (this delights a very petty part of my brain). To be fair she's clearly interested in them and quite doting. To the point that she feels it's Important she teach my two how to be "proper" girls as clearly I'm not Hmm.
With her it's definitely sexism. She thinks boys are better and she genuinely assumes I love my son (not with ex) more than my daughters. I'm just glad I don't have to live in her head.

IJustLikeBiscuitsOK · 22/06/2021 22:53

I'd do what @MatildaTheCat suggested!

NakedAttraction · 22/06/2021 22:56

@NakedNugget

Why are so many MILs bat shit crazy?!
And why are so many DiLs rude and unkind about their MILs?
RoseAndGeranium · 22/06/2021 23:04

Ugh. My MiL was transparently delighted that I’d produced a male heir to carry on the family name. I found it completely infuriating. She also emailed obsessively when I was overdue as though I was deliberately keeping the baby from her. MiLs can be hard work.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 22/06/2021 23:04

You so clearly dislike her -- just go NC now and save yourself the trouble of trying to get along with her.
She might as well start getting used to not having any family now. If she only raised one DS, then she knows nothing about children and any advice she might give would be worthless.
Just surround your newborn with your wonderful family members. One less grandmother is not important

I don’t even know if this is sarcasm. That’s the kind of place mn is

poshme · 22/06/2021 23:10

My mother nearly died in childbirth with me.
First thing her MIL said to her in the hospital afterwards?
'Never mind you can have a boy next time'

Original poster
inpixiehollow · 22/06/2021 23:17

If my partner actually called her 'mummy' that would be fine but he doesn't.. he calls her mum. It's not that "I can't stand her" as you put it either its just strange me you would sign a card to an adult like that when thats not even what they call you but thats besides the point of the post i guess.

OP posts:
thatsnotgoingtowork2 · 22/06/2021 23:22

I don't have a problem with the things she has said so far, really. A bit annoying, yes, but easily down to excitement.

NakedAttraction · 22/06/2021 23:25

but thats besides the point of the post i guess.

Exactly. That’s why it’s so clear you don’t really like her. Because you’ve added things that are nothing to do with the point of your issue in an attempt to show that she’s crazy.

I have really fond memories of my Mum taking me to see the ballet when I was young. I hope DD will like to go one day, relive those nice memories. Does that make me a horrible person?

Ihavehadenoughalready · 22/06/2021 23:27

I had someone tell me while pregnant with the third how glad I must be to be having a son since I had two daughters.

I said no, I was glad to be having a healthy baby and would have been glad to have three girls as well, that girls were just as special, and boys weren't better than girls.

I felt I had to stick up for our gender!

My girls had train sets and construction sets and tool sets. Her comment about train sets was ridiculous.

Ofallthethings · 22/06/2021 23:37

I don't think this is that bad, she's just excited. Alright so it's a bit old fashioned that she thinks only boys can have train sets, but there's nothing malicious in her comments. I think you don't like her so anything she says winds you up a bit. I can be like that as well. But try and keep it in perspective.

Rightthen24 · 22/06/2021 23:38

Your being redculous OP! My mum has always signed her cards from Mummy because that's who she is! Just because she has one child doesn't mean shes overbearing, you sound like your being precious and frankly rediculous! She's excited, be kind to one and other of tell her how you feel and stop being passive aggressive.

Original poster
inpixiehollow · 22/06/2021 23:41

@NakedAttraction

but thats besides the point of the post i guess.

Exactly. That’s why it’s so clear you don’t really like her. Because you’ve added things that are nothing to do with the point of your issue in an attempt to show that she’s crazy.

I have really fond memories of my Mum taking me to see the ballet when I was young. I hope DD will like to go one day, relive those nice memories. Does that make me a horrible person?

I added that when people were replying saying she is being weird - because imo she is definitely weird towards my OH sometimes and he would say the same himself so I don't think I'm speaking out of turn saying that. Of course I don't mind her wanting to do things with her grandchildren but what I won't tolerate is her playing favourites with my children. At the moment it definitely feels it could go that way but I guess remains to be seen how she is once baby is here.
OP posts: