Borderline personality disorder. How do I keep my diagnosis private whilst conveying to colleague that I found her comment offensive?

[NimbleHippo]

I live with BPD, and it makes being me a rather horrible experience much of the time, and the stigma of the condition makes it many, many times worse. My best way of coping, I have found, is to keep all of my strange and frightening experiences firmly in the private domain: whereas work have sometimes expressed concerns, I've always made politely clear to work colleagues that my mental health is something I prefer to manage alone and with my loved ones - and Occupational Health has always been very sympathetic and supportive of that.

Today, though, a colleague (a retired MH nurse) made a "light-hearted" yet outrageously stereotyping and prejudiced remark about people with BPD that I found hugely upsetting. I want to tell her, but I don't want anyone at work to know my diagnosis, because to diagnose would inevitably lead to my contract "not being renewed". And yet at the same time, I do not not not want her ever to get away with saying that.

What to do?

Leave it?

Speak to your manager as they can deal with it without it getting personal. You don't need to disclose your diagnosis, you can keep it as simple as "xxxx said this and I found it very offensive and not a suitable 'joke' for in the workplace", manager can then have a private word with her about it.

Does telling someone you found their comment upsetting and unacceptable have to go hand in hand with admitting you have the condition?
I'm not saying you should say anything either way but I don't see why you should have to mention having the condition even if you choose to say something.

Are you able to tell her you found the comment offensive without divulging your diagnosis? Can you spin it that you are speaking up for everyone out there who has MH issues?

Could you try and say that you find her comments to be offensive and lacking understanding without having to say it is you with BPD? I mean, I can imagine being unhappy if say a colleague said something inappropriate about women or race or something so why not pull someone up about it in general terms?

At the moment, nothing. But I'd prepare a calm remark that I found her comments offensive and asking her not to repeat them in case the subject came up again.

I can see why you dont want to stay silent but confronting her prejudice risks her arguing back/defending her position. What would you do then? If you get drawn into an argument it may be that you find that even more upsetting and destabilizing - it would be very hard not to take her remarks personally and stay calm in those circumstances.

You don't have to tell anyone about your diagnosis in order to pull them up on anything

I'm not disabled for example or in an ethnic minority but that doesn't mean I wouldn't complain about ableist or racist comments at work.

I think you can tell her you found her comment offensive without disclosing your BPD diagnosis.
I am happy to call out 'jokes' I find offensive about other people eg I'm a WASP but I'll stand up to someone making a racist joke about a black person or a stereotype comment about Jewish people. I'm sure you could express your feelings in a similar way.

Of you don’t want people to know. Don’t tell them. Let it go and know she is a jerk.
You are an amazing person. Keep doing what you doing and remember, if you see shit on the pavement you walk around it, not through it.

"Of you don’t want people to know. Don’t tell them. Let it go and know she is a jerk.
You are an amazing person. Keep doing what you doing and remember, if you see shit on the pavement you walk around it, not through it."

I love your attitude! Thank you. I feel better already.