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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour Being Pushy About Hedges

27 replies

ChangChang · 22/06/2021 15:38

Moved into my house in January- previous owners did very little upkeep of house or garden and been spending every spare hour getting jobs done inside & out. Approached next door neighbour about removing the hedges in our garden, as they border their garden on one side (but my side of the fence IYSWIM). He was pleased to see something done with them as previous owner just left them to run wild. Huge amount of material to get rid of. Hired slips on consecutive weekends and cleared half the hedges so far. Massive amount of work. Haven’t been able to continue for the last few weeks due to poor weather and work commitments - now neighbour is complaining about the hedges and insisting they are removed immediately. Explained that I am a working single mum with limited time and resources, and that it’s obviously something I’m working on but it will take time. AIBU to do this under my own steam, or should I prioritise? Trying to get the interior up to scratch for my children as well - feeling overwhelmed and a bit miffed that he’s suddenly so pushy :(

OP posts:

FuckyouCovid21 · 22/06/2021 15:46

He's waited this long, he can wait a bit longer. Tell him what you've said here and if he doesn't drop it, tell him he's welcome to crack on and have a go himself.

Dick

Deadleaf29 · 22/06/2021 15:46

Tell him you’ll sort it out when you’re good and ready and in the meantime he is of course within his rights to erect a boundary on his own land should he choose to. Your garden is none of his business. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to prioritise your children and indoor environment. And in any case it’s bird nesting season so depending on the hedge you shouldn’t be ripping them out anyway.

MustardRose · 22/06/2021 15:47

Put a note through the door explaining that as you are a lone working parent with limited time and resources, you will be continuing with the work as soon as you can. In the meantime, you would be pleased to accept any help with removing the hedge, should they wish to do so.

FuckyouCovid21 · 22/06/2021 15:47

Ah I see you've already told him what you've said here. But yeah, tell him it will be done when it's done and then the rest of my previous post!

SarahAndQuack · 22/06/2021 15:47

It's illegal to disturb protected nesting birds - are you sure you should be removing hedges right now?

He sounds absurdly pushy. If you really do think there's nothing nesting there, next time he mentions it, smile brightly and thank him for the offer of help.

NeedNewKnees · 22/06/2021 15:48

He can get knotted. You'll do it at your own pace according to your time, finances, availability and priorities.

LongTimeMammaBear · 22/06/2021 15:49

You can always invite him to help you. Extra pair of hands will certainly speed along the process

megletthesecond · 22/06/2021 15:49

You mustn't cut them now as it's nesting season anyway. Ignore him.

And take photos of the things in case he tries to take matters into his own hands.

thefirstmrsrochester · 22/06/2021 15:54

Tell him to shove it, it will get done when it gets done. He doesn’t get to dictate to you and if you capitulate to his demands now, he’ll be insufferable and unreasonable about many other things in the future. Folk have hedges for good reasons, and blocking out an arsehole ndn is one of these reasons.

HappyRaven · 22/06/2021 16:01

Don't remove any more hedge. Leave the rest for nature. Hedges shouldn't be touched until August at the earliest anyway.

BraveBraveMouse · 22/06/2021 16:04

Maybe he was part.of the reason.previous owners let hedges grow. Currently considering bamboo here because of inconsiderate neighbour.

justanotherneighinparadise · 22/06/2021 16:04

Dont let them bully you. Just stuck to your guns and take no shit from them.

Gliblet · 22/06/2021 16:05

You should absolutely prioritise - and he shouldn't be one of your priorities.

Think about what your family needs, think about what you can reasonably do, and if he pesters you ask him if he'd prefer you to take his old neighbour's approach instead of the reasonable and sensible approach you've been taking so far?

SmokeyDevil · 22/06/2021 16:07

Tell him to crack on by himself and remove the hedges if he's that bothered. He's going to get worse if you don't tell him to back off. Soon you'll be getting told where you can put your bins.

Cattitudes · 22/06/2021 16:12

Tell him that he is welcome to trim any branches which hang over the fence and that he doesn't need to offer them back to you. Just work at your pace in your garden. You might want to consider keeping some of that hedge though so he can't bother you.

TacoSunday · 22/06/2021 16:14

What right does he have to dictate what you do with your hedges and when?! Sounds like he’s intimidating you. It would make me less likely to do it quickly tbh. It’s a bit like when someone drives up your arse, it makes you drive even more slowly.

Wrotten · 22/06/2021 16:17

The hedges would be the bottom of my list now...

BlankTimes · 22/06/2021 16:18

Do NOT let him into your garden to destroy your hedge.

He will automatically assume you need his "help" and "advice" on everything you do in your garden.
Don't let that situation even start.

It's nesting bird season so you should not be dealing with hedges right now.
It's your hedge, not his, he has no say in what you do with it as it's on your land.

BrilliantBetty · 22/06/2021 16:25

Have I misread. You've taken half the hedge down that was your partition. Does that mean there is no fence or hedge across part of the boundary? In which case YABU and should pop some fences up where there's a gap.

Otherwise, YANBU at all.. do it in your own sweet time. You could suggest he does it if he's that keen on getting them down!! You have plenty on your plate. He's being an arse, surely can gage how much you have on your plate given previous resident never did anything.

namechange30455 · 22/06/2021 16:28

You shouldn't be cutting hedges down at this time of year anyway due to nesting birds!

skodadoda · 22/06/2021 16:32

He will automatically assume you need his "help" and "advice" on everything you do in your garden.
Don't let that situation even start

I agree. This sounds like the start of a bullying situation, especially as you are on your own. Nip it in the bud.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 22/06/2021 16:38

Yes not a good time to remove a hedge (nesting birds)
Probably too late now but skips are expensive (round here anyway) it may have been easier and cheaper to pay a gardening firm in to remove and shred the waste.

Darkstar4855 · 22/06/2021 17:12

YANBU as long as the hedge is only on your land. He is free to erect his own fence or similar on his side of the boundary if he is unhappy with progress.

GabriellaMontez · 22/06/2021 17:18

What exactly is his problem? Appearance? Obstruction? I would laugh and tell him it could take you years to finish this job.

When someone moves into a new place it's often a long term project. He's nuts.

Original poster

ChangChang · 22/06/2021 22:38

Thanks all for your comments. I wasn’t aware of the situation with nesting birds (never had a garden before!) so pleased we did the first hedges before it would have disturbed them.
Good to know I’m not being unreasonable or inconsiderate - really think he’s got unreasonable expectations given all of your points above!
Feel a bit more confident sticking up for myself with him now - so thanks again!
(Just to clarify, hedges are definitely on my land, there is a fence between which belongs to me. He has climbing plants that were / are supported by the hedges (think he grew them up to hide the hedges), but don’t believe it’s my responsibility to support his plants either!

OP posts:

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