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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you in what ways / how therapy has changed your life?

24 replies

Blinketyblink · 21/06/2021 22:46

Just that really! I am due to start seeing a therapist soon, which is quite a commitment because of the expense / time and I am looking for some positive stories about how therapy has impacted you and changed things for the better! Also - if you could say what kind you had that would be interesting too.

This probs doesn't include couples counselling as I'll be attending as an individual.

Thank you! Smile

OP posts:
Blinketyblink · 22/06/2021 12:34

bump

OP posts:
LlamaGiles · 22/06/2021 12:46

I had counselling because I was really struggling with my relationship with my parents. They are loving but they have never been able to be what I need when I am struggling. At the time I was going through infertility and desperate for support and all they could say was it wasn't god's plan and we don't all get what we want in life. I was so angry I could barely speak to them.

Counselling helped me accept that my parents are the people they are, they are doing their best, responding in the only way they know how, a lot of it informed by their own upbringings. To see they are humans with flaws and yet there were many positives in my upbringing. I have a much better relationship with them now as I know what I can and can't expect and that it's not personal it's just who they are. There was a lot of insight and balance that I've been able to use in other relationships too.

LlamaGiles · 22/06/2021 12:47

Forgot to add, it was integrated counselling.

CoffeeKoffee · 22/06/2021 12:47

I had really poor attachment style & was always looking for love/attention/affection from crappy people in the wrong way. Now I have a sense of worth & have far better relationships

Sarahseyes · 22/06/2021 12:48

I had therapy through NHS specifically for OCD. I’d had a few therapists before who never really got me anywhere.
This therapist was amazing. I owe my life to her. I’m not healed but she made me understand my inner value, has made me realise I’ll be ok, and has vastly helped improve my ocd and my outlook on life.

The worst part is that you can’t be friends with your therapist but if we’d met another way, I genuinely believe we’d have got on like a house on fire.

Most important thing I think is finding someone who gets you.

Keepemguessing · 22/06/2021 12:53

Like CoffeeKoffee I had a poor attachment style. I kept ending up in terrible relationships and had very low self esteem.

I am now in a healthy relationship and make much better decisions in my life. I now put myself first and I'm happy.

Chiffandbip · 22/06/2021 14:45

I have had a few bouts of therapy over my lifetime and all of them have helped me navigate the ups and downs of life and to grow my boundaries and self esteem.
My current therapist is amazing abs I feel like going to her every fortnight is my superpower!

applesandoranges221 · 22/06/2021 17:27

My dad collapsed and died, very suddenly of a heart attack ( funnily enough, 5 years ago tomorrow). An amazing therapist picked me back up and helped me carry on.

Eekay · 22/06/2021 17:40

So far, therapy has been very hard. I was warned, because of my level of trauma, that things "would get worse before they get better" and glibly agreed to do it as I'd been told how important it was.
I didn't realise HOW bad it would get, or I'd have a run a mile tbh.
However I utterly trust my psychologist. Almost every session has provided a light bulb moment, I have soooo much more understanding of my reactions, feelings, and reasons behind my life decisions and the actions of others.
So I'm going to keep going, because however painful, it's also been illuminating, educative, supportive and sympathetic. I've been going a year and I understand so much about myself. I just thought I was a fruitcake previously.
I think I got very lucky with a hugely experienced and wise psychologist and I truly believe her that the emotional pain right now is going to be worth it as eventually I'll make sense of so much more, and be able to live without the trauma that's been ruling my life.
Sorry, long bloody post but I feel strongly that my therapy is really going to have very significant results.
So I would definitely go for it. You deserve to take care of yourself and potentially live more happily

  • but I do think finding the "right" person for you is really crucial.
Very best of luck to you.
PigeonStreet37 · 22/06/2021 17:46

Helped me to change the narrative of my past traumatic experiences so I am kind to myself and state the facts instead. Suggested lots of tools too.

LoveMySituation · 22/06/2021 18:02

@Sarahseyes Can I ask what type of therapy you had, and how you got it on the NHS? I've only ever been offered CBT for OCD, which didn't work, and as I live in the sticks, everything was difficult travel wise. Your therapist sounds amazing. She doesn't happen to be in the North West does she?

donaldbump · 22/06/2021 18:02

I have seen a few but didn’t really see how it helped until the most recent time. She’s amazing. Kind, incredibly insightful and knowledgeable. She’s made me feel stronger in myself and given me lots of helpful ways to help deal with the challenges that life throws. I find it very hard though and it often is. It makes me feel very vulnerable but it’s hugely eye opening. I felt I needed someone who wouldn’t just sit there. I needed someone who was quite dynamic but also supportive. Mine does mind/body work which I love.

Blinketyblink · 22/06/2021 18:52

Some really interesting responses - thank you!

OP posts:
Francescaisstressed · 22/06/2021 18:54

Started therapy a month ago.
I find it quite hard as I am nervous/shy and often find it difficult to speak about myself and end up crying but ultimately every day after it's like a weight off my shoulders.
She always makes me think differently and definitely look at myself in a different way.

Tired453 · 22/06/2021 20:56

Watching with interest. I am heading to therapy soon.

bluejelly · 22/06/2021 20:58

I had a horrible phobia which she totally cured in 6 sessions. Life-changing

bluejelly · 22/06/2021 21:00

Previously a counsellor also gave me the courage to leave an abusive man.
Therapy is ace Smile

Verbena87 · 22/06/2021 21:01

I did person-centred psychotherapy after intense secondary trauma and it made me stop wishing I was dead and start believing I was valuable and life was worth living again. Retrospectively I think it may have literally been life saving.

And more recently I had cbt for anxiety which has helped equip me with strategies to deal with overwhelm (plus an amazing lightbulb moment about the previous trauma which has had a massive positive impact on how I think about myself).

So yeah, go for it!

ChesterWardrobe · 22/06/2021 21:02

I had therapy (psychoanalytic psychotherapy) for a long time. It helped me to be in a relationship and then eventually helped me to leave a relationship.
It had a huge positive impact on my life and I am so glad that I had the opportunity.

It’s really important to find the ‘right’ one. But it’s hard to know they’re right until you find them! I saw a few women therapists and then had a realisation that it might be more helpful to see a man and that’s when the work really started.

Marv1nGay3 · 22/06/2021 21:04

I have found DBT really good in helping me build distress tolerance skills to cope with my D15 who has anorexia and other MH issues. I tried Cbt and did not find it helpful at all.

georgarina · 22/06/2021 21:22

I grew up with severe trauma and abuse, then moved with the other side of my family who then treated me like I was somehow damaged/crazy due to my upbringing, and acted like I was incapable of doing anything myself. Then on top of that I had PTSD from a deeply traumatic incident - which again I was blamed for.

After all that I was unable to work, unable to form relationships, alternated between dissociation and panic attacks, didn't trust my own emotions, and didn't feel like a person at all.

After four years of psychodynamic therapy I'm now in a career, stable, with friends, and connected to the world - a good parent with a happy home. I can have relationships and set boundaries, and I know what happened to me is not 'me' - I was only affected by my experiences.

It's a big commitment and you have to do the work and be prepared to challenge your point of view. But the change in my experience has been unbelievable.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 22/06/2021 21:28

I started seeing a counsellor after a bad breakup that left me devastated. I was also sexually abused as a child and have some deeply held beliefs that it was my fault. Counsellor of course doesn't think so.

It's the best decision I ever made and I absolutely struck gold when I set up that first session.

Its probably the safest, most stable and healthy relationship I've ever had and has fulfilled a lot of roles in my life.

At some stages he has been a persistent voice that I can't ignore, telling me what I don't want to hear, a solid shove in the right direction and the bringer of the tough love.

At other times he has been the comforting presence sitting across from me in silence.

Sometimes the only person I can bear to talk to and sometimes the one I lash out at but always my biggest cheerleader.

I wouldn't say therapy changes your life, it's more that it helps you to change your life. Your therapist or counsellors role is to support you in doing so.

Keepemguessing · 23/06/2021 09:14

I had pyschodynamic therapy and, like someone said upthread, it's hard work. I had to face parts of myself that I'd hope I'd buried.

But it's the single best thing I ever did for myself. I had a traumatic childhood and relationships and had no sense of my own worth. Now I know that I am loved and I am lovable. The difference is night and day.

Livinglavidalockdown · 23/06/2021 09:27

I wouldn't say therapy changes your life, it's more that it helps you to change your life. Your therapist or counsellors role is to support you in doing so.

I think this a key point to remember when engaging in therapy. The right therapist for you can support you with understanding yourself and support you to develop effective coping tools and strategies, but unless you action them, you're unlikely to see much positive change.

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