To ignore my ex calling on father's day when we never hear from him any other day

[Peppapigforlife]

Just that really? I would have bet money that after his latest disappearance he would spontaneously appear today, and lo and behold, there was a missed call. He doesn't live in this country so he can't just show up luckily. He just wants some recognition and to feel good about himself but if you were (or have been) in a similar position would you message something about why you're not answering the phone or just ignore it completely. DD is only just two and knows nothing of his existence.

If it was an older child I would've given them the choice. But in the circumstances no YANBU I don't think.

I'd block him, frankly, if he lives in another country.

He can pursue you for contact through the courts and pay maintenance if he's that bothered. Otherwise I'd cease facilitating any way of him getting in touch as you say his latest disappearance.

He sounds a waste of time.

So he's all sentimental because it's Fathers' Day, even though he's a rubbish father? Does he do the same for your child's birthday and for Christmas? Does he pay child support?

Hard one. You need to give your dd the opportunity to "bond" with him (sorry I can't think of a more suitable word offered by one phone call once a year).

Yes, he is an arsehole. Yes, you have every right to be angry at him. But fastforward 15 years, she may want to develop a relationship with him. And she doesn't need to hear about how you stopped phone calls on fathers day. Also it may kick start his interest in fathership. Another thing, a certain type of man can get defensive about this and use it as an excuse/weapon.

I would allow it. On my terms with strict monitoring for future developments. Sorry, you got lumbered with a useless dad where you have to put in more emotional and mental energy. But I feel you need to emotionally support your kids the best you can. Thank god you are up to it.

Fuck ‘em.

If your child wanted to send him a Father’s Day card they could have done so. If your child wanted to talk to him, I am sure you’d facilitate that. But he wants to play Daddy today?
Into the sea with him.

No he doesn't pay child support and it was her birthday recently and he didn't even say anything. I don't think he wants a relationship with her because I have called him many times in the past for face time with her and he's not interested. He just wants to be able to tell the people around him he spoke to his daughter today so he can look good. I don't want her being used for his own ulterior motives.

I've messaged him saying if he wants contact a judge can arrange it and that he can't just call when it suits him.

I agree with @Peacelillyhippy you need to leave it to your DD to realise he is a waste of space and tell him where to go as he's her father.

She is more likely to tell him to piss off before she hits secondary school if you allow her to have contact with him.

2 year olds are useless on the phone and barely a half decent video call, I wouldn't let him just call to make him feel good about himself.

Children are not to be used to make you feel better about yourself, I remember my ex badgering me to have our 2 year old video call on his birthday, they had a massive tantrum I ended up putting him on and got a great message after how shit it was.

Now have court ordered contact so much better