To be nervous of living alone?

[Lacey94]

Been my dream for years to live alone and have my own place whether it was rented or bought. Lots of house shares, lodging, living with parents over the years (no really long term relationships so never lived with a partner and currently single). I have finally bought my own house, a lovely place and I am so very excited for all the independence and decorating etc. I’m also a bit scared though. I have depression and though it’s all good now im very happy and content, in the past loneliness has exacerbated it, when I’ve lived far away from family or friends or lived abroad and not known many/anyone. The house is near my friends and family which is good but im still so nervous of being lonely - spending days without seeing or talking to anyone in person, if friends/family are busy.. I’ve read that if you feel like that you should make plans with someone but doing that and then getting a no just makes me feel more lonely, than if I hadn’t suggested it. I’m very good at spending time alone and do lots on my own which I’m happy with when it’s mixed up with also seeing friends and family but it’s just the thought that if I had a quiet weekend with no plans (which I often do - not in a bad way - but whe living with others at least you see them) that I won’t speak to or see another person for the whole weekend. My current job is also from home, so not much interaction there though I’m in the process of going into something which would be much more interactive and i think that will help

I just hate that this dread is making such an exciting thing of having my own home feel more scary. Am I being unreasonable for being so worried?

I really like living alone, I’ve lived alone since 16 and never lived with a partner.

Do you like animals? Pets are great company. If you have a dog you'll always have other neighbours with dogs or dog walkers to chat to whilst out on walks. Gets you out every day too. If that's too much responsibility cats can be very loving too.

Thanks, forgot to mention I have a dog! Who definitely makes it easier

I live alone now, and though I wouldn’t say I have depression, I’ve definitely got very blue in the past when spending lots of time on my own.
It’s different though, your place is your castle and actually I really love being here on my own. I’d suggest making set plans for doing something on a regular basis - I’ve started going walking with friends every month, it seems to stave off the feeling that you’ve got no plans.
Would you consider a pet, particularly if you work from home? I have a dog and so HAVE to go out every day with her. And it’s amazing how social the majority of dog owners are!

Finally, have you realised what a brilliant thing you’re doing? I realised a while ago that out of everyone I knew, virtually none of them had ever lived alone. I think it used to seem like a thing everyone did, but not anymore. Lots of people are in house shares or unhappy relationships because they can’t afford to live on their own, you should be very proud of what you’ve achieved.

Could you have a few family members or friends to just drop in on for a quick cuppa?

That can really break up the day.

Normally I have a book club, yoga class, swim one morning which are not with a friend but are with people. We'll be able to do things like that again soon I'm sure.

Also, sometimes just a chat on the phone or even coming on here can connect you enough to feel okay again.

Lastly, you'll get used to living on your own. You feel it more at the start, but you adjust and sometimes sigh with relief to be back in your own home again

When I had my first child my DH worked away so I felt lonely a lot.
The one thing I did was to get out every day, be that to the local shop, a walk around, to the supermarket or local shopping centre.
Smile at people - but don’t look like a loony ! - and make small talk if they talk to you.

I lived on my own between ages 27 and 34. I am pretty good in my own company but yes I must admit there were some weekends when I had no plans and would find myself needing some human interaction. Quite easy to get though, I would go to the gym or just head out to the shops, I was living in London at the time so would alternate which area I would go to. I would round off the day by getting something nice in for dinner. Job done.

@Lacey94 Congratulations on having got your own house 😊 thats great!! I know it’s easier said than done but try and change your mindset on it - you have your own home - a space that is all yours to do what you want with 😊 it’ll be your own little safe haven 😊 it’s great that you’re near family and friends so you can pop and see them and you’ll be able to invite them to yours 😊 and great that you have a dog for company too.

How would you feel about joining some kind of club or class in your area? Even one night a week or one weekend morning so that you always know you have that coming up for some interaction? 😊

Hi op, I'm similar to you. I've never had a LTR and I recently moved in to my very own place that I saved hard for..I have to say, i suffer a bit with anxiety and very mild depression but since living on my own it isn't as bad. Because when i lived in random house shares I didn't always necessarily have a lot of things in common with them and I spent more time in my room than the communal areas. So having my own place I feel much more at home.

I'm quite a busy person by nature, I work Monday to Friday, fairly long hours, and spend my weekends staying with people elsewhere in the country, or seeing friends locally. When I do have weekends with not a lot on, things I find helpful are...

1. Swimming / gym
2. Popping to the local shops, even if I don't need a lot. Just browsing.
3. Coffee shops. As you're chatting to the people working there / can people watch and it gets you out of the house.

I try to still get up at a decent time as i find lounging around all day makes me feel worse.

Oh also, I may also think of a nice meal to cook on a weekend that takes a bit more prep. Can pop out to buy ingredients and then spend the afternoon cooking. That wastes time.

But try not to worry too much if people are busy. Get the radio on for background noise. Face time people, watch TV, bake, go for a walk.

Enjoy it 🙂