AIBU to not acknowledge Father's Day?

[blaisealex]

My DF wasn't around when I was growing up. In March I contacted him and we spoke for the first time in over twenty years.

He answered questions I had. We also arranged to meet. My idea. We met. It went well. We then arranged to meet again. Both meets were my idea.

I decided not to send him a message arranging a third meet up. I wanted to leave it to him as I had arranged the first two. The last time we met was the end of April. I haven't had anything since then. He hasn't message or arranged to meet again. And I don't feel like I want to do it as it has so far been me doing all the messaging and arranging. I want him to put some effort in rather than it all being me.

Surely, if he wanted to meet again or stay in contact he would message me?

So, considering this, AIBU not to send him a Father's Day message? I don't feel we have the kind of relationship to do this. Though, he did send me a message on my Birthday back in March after we first starting speaking. He also bought my DC an Easter Egg on our first meet up.

I also wonder if perhaps the reason he hasn't messaged is that he feels like he doesn't want to push me and he wants to leave it to me to decide what I want to do and drive the relationship but equally I feel like maybe he just isn't interested.

I think you could send a Happy Father’s Day message without making any further comment about meeting up. You could still leave that in his camp whilst acknowledging the day.

Sounds like it's all very initial stages and communication protocols haven't been well established enough to make assumptions.

By not acknowledging Father's Day you appear to be making a stand/point on your relationship, something he more than likely won't even be aware of. I'd imagine he would feel intrusive to expect recognition today given your history.

Establish better communication and don't get into meaningless point scoring that I suspect will make you unhappy only.

I'd acknowledge father's day.

I'd then try again in a few weeks time.... See if he's still interested... As you say, he may be thinking he doesn't want to push it too much at all?

I understand leaving the next meeting for him to make contact. So far he hasn’t acted as your father beyond conception so YANBU not to send him Father’s Day greetings.

For me, the point of father's day is to say thanks to your dad for being there for you, helping you, etc. Doesn't sound like he's done anything of the kind, so in your case I wouldn't send a message.

Maybe send a message today. The Easter egg was a nice gesture.

Then in a few weeks say that you’re not sure if you’re being pushy and if he feels obliged to meet you when it wouldn’t come naturally for him to instigate the meeting so you’ll leave things for him to arrange if he would like, and take no offence if he doesn’t get round to it.

@AlmostAlwyn

For me, the point of father's day is to say thanks to your dad for being there for you, helping you, etc. Doesn't sound like he's done anything of the kind, so in your case I wouldn't send a message.

See, this is what I'm veering towards. We've met up twice since I made contact with him after twenty years of absence from him. I just feel as though acknowledging Father's Day wouldn't be appropriate.

I don't think you should message him. He seems indifferent as to whether he sees you or not -doesn't sound deserving of congratulations for being a good father.