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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that bringing your morning coffee to church is a bit inappropriate?

399 replies

NannyPlumsSnarkyWand · 20/06/2021 09:43

I'm pretty sure I'm just being a judgy old gimmer - thought a Sunday morning AIBU thrashing would be in order.

Just passed a group of school mums as they were coming back from church. They were all carrying portable coffee flasks and sipping from them.

I mean, yes I understand the need for coffee in the morning, but part of me thought - is there really such a pressing need to bring your coffee to a formal church service? Can you really not go a whole hour (less actually) without coffee? And then there's something just a bit odd about it. You're going to church, not the theatre, I don't know - my experience of church services is formal. It would have been seen as inappropriate to bring coffee - you have your tea and coffee after the service - but then as I say, maybe I'm just an old gimmer. Is this normal at church now?

So just to caveat this - no, it doesn't occupy a great deal of my thoughts; yes, I do have other more important things to worry about; yes I do have friends; no, I'm not judging their worth as people based on whether they drink coffee during the service or not, I just had a passing thought and wondered what others thought.

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 15:54

@Looneytune253

This is why the church is dying a long slow death. Outdated, too uppity opinions on what other people should or shouldn't be doing. Church has to move with the times. No wonder young people don't regularly attend if they're worried about getting judged left right and centre!!
Is that what you're getting from this thread? I think you need to read the whole thread.

I'm getting that it's largely the non religious types on here getting uppity and judgmental about what happens in church. Most of the church goers seem perfectly happy with a laid back approach to their meetings.

knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 16:03

@NannyPlumsSnarkyWand

As I said, no judgment from me, not really.

It's based on the fact that I would feel slightly awkward sitting and drinking coffee in a service, as if I weren't being respectful enough - more of an "audience member" than an actively worshipping participant. But I can see from many (but not all) of the responses that lots of people wouldn't feel that way. But then I am an old gimmer. That's why I was asking - I was just interested what people thought.

For all those suggesting that they might have "filled their cups after the service, rather than drinking during the service" I would be interested to know then that had that not been the case, had they been drinking coffee through the service, would your opinion change?

I mean, yes WWJD - quite! - had the preaching taken place in the synagogue of Capernaum while holding a flat white in a non-disposable cup who knows where Christianity might be today!

No, my opinion wouldn't change if they had been drinking during the service.

Church services are often not like respectfully watching a play. Everyone can participate at various points and if you have lots of children, it's noisy and a bit chaotic. There are often formal bits and very relaxed parts of the meeting. Even in C of E meetings there is frequently a part when you get out of your seat and talk to other people. Having a quick drink of any sort doesn't disturb the meeting. I can't imagine the women you saw were sitting around in a circle with their coffee cups and having a good old chin wag while the vicar was preaching.

knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 16:05

Are you a Christian op?

How old are you? (you mentioned old gimmer)

Regular church goer?

deathbypostitnote · 20/06/2021 16:07

Your complete lack of knowledge about what modern day church services are like seems to indicate that you don't attend, OP. Surely the most basic prerequisite to behaving appropriately at church is to turn up?

deathbypostitnote · 20/06/2021 16:09

By the way, I have been to a church where mothers with babies in arms sat on sofas drinking something or other during the service and eating donuts. It didn't seem inappropriate, at least not to me. More like a family gathering.

willowtree1234 · 20/06/2021 16:17

Clergy spouse here, and I haven't read the whole thread, but YABU, OP. I wish people came to church as they are, with coffee cups if that makes them more comfortable! While I like traditional services as opposed to 'happy clappy' style ones, I dislike the stuffiness, judgmental attitudes and exclusivity of many more traditional churches. I wish there were more school mums with coffee cups at ours, more young people and more diversity. I don't believe that people have to come in their 'Sunday best' and maintain a reverential silence at all times. I think if people felt that they could come literally as they are more people might attend church.

And church coffee afterwards can be quite miserable and dominated by church cliques. I don't go, usually.

Original poster
NannyPlumsSnarkyWand · 20/06/2021 16:25

Lots of assumptions in this thread, some might be true, some less so - for example that I have never attended church, that the mums drinking coffee were attending church for genuine purposes (rather than school admission), that they themselves weren't a mum clique, that the church is stuffy and frowns on informality (in fact they run a separate family friendly service too and as I mentioned upthread it is wonderfully chaotic and noisy and both chaos and noise and biscuit eating during the service is welcome).

Some of those assumptions might be true, others less so. But it has been an interesting discussion, thank you all!

OP posts:
behindhereyes · 20/06/2021 16:31

I'm in the US and it's very much the thing to bring a coffee into church and happily drink it through the service. So much so that some churches even have a coffee shop in them, selling fancy lattes and mochas etc!

itsgettingwierd · 20/06/2021 16:32

You usually get a coffee after the service - and a biscuit if you're lucky!

I imagine that isn't happening now due to covid and numbers so it doesn't seem odd to me someone would take a coffee.

knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 16:32

I don't understand why you're being so mysterious and cryptic about it all. Anyway I've said my piece and I'm off.

GintyMcGinty · 20/06/2021 16:33

Did they drink it during the service?

That would be off.

Was it in a bag to drink on the way home?

Don't see what the problem is.

coogee · 20/06/2021 16:33

This is why the church is dying a long slow death. Outdated, too uppity opinions on what other people should or shouldn't be doing. Church has to move with the times. No wonder young people don't regularly attend if they're worried about getting judged left right and centre!!

I presume that you are referring to the outdated, too uppity opinions of non-churchgoers who are judging right, left, and centre?

PurBal · 20/06/2021 16:40

YABU. I attend a high Anglo Catholic (perceived as "formal") Church. I probably wouldn't take coffee but I tend to fast before the Eucharist anyway. If coffee gets your goat I hope you're not the kind of person who thinks church isn't for children... everyone is welcome in church "formal" or otherwise, jeans and wellies or suits and ties. If you want to text during the service, feel free. It's a living, breathing church. Some "informal" churches I have attended have croissants and coffee before the service to eat and drink during worship.

babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 20/06/2021 16:41

Before covid, our church started serving teas and coffees before the service so that shock horror people could enjoy their drinks during the service. What on earth would Jesus say. Oh hang on, he'd probably turn it into wine wouldn't he?

TellmewhoIam · 20/06/2021 16:42

No probs with them sipping after RC communion. But...WTAF attending for 'genuine reasons' rather than school admission? Once they're there, the Holy Spirit might move! That is kind of the point. Continuous conversion of heart. Anyway I'm off to seek snacks as this thread makes me miss ecumenical custard creams.

babyguffingtonstrikesagain · 20/06/2021 16:44

Oh and what's the deal with not eating or drinking an hour before communion? Never heard that one before. Does God not forgive your sins if you have a full stomach?

willowtree1234 · 20/06/2021 16:44

the mums drinking coffee were attending church for genuine purposes (rather than school admission)

What is a 'genuine purpose' for coming to church? I'm not sure my purposes are always 'genuine' - I often go because it's expected. It's nice if all sorts of people just turn up, 'genuine' or not!

PurBal · 20/06/2021 16:48

@babyguffingtonstrikesagain

Oh and what's the deal with not eating or drinking an hour before communion? Never heard that one before. Does God not forgive your sins if you have a full stomach?
It's definitely a choice within CofE. I choose to fast so that I can prepare myself spiritually before the service. It's a private devotion.
Etulosba · 20/06/2021 16:55

One of our services is called Cafe Church. Needless to say, drinking tea and coffee is not frowned upon.

Egg and chips might be pushing it though.

HerRoyalNotness · 20/06/2021 16:56

I know a bloke who would pop across the road to get a snack partway through the service Grin

HelloDulling · 20/06/2021 17:00

I would find drinking coffee during a service very inappropriate, but arranging to go for a walk and a coffee with friends after the service seems like a nice thing to do, and the thermal mugs make that an easy thing to do.

knittingaddict · 20/06/2021 17:03

Do you go to church HelloDulling?

InFiveMins · 20/06/2021 17:13

I voted YANBU because I can see where you are coming from and agree that they can wait until they get home to have a coffee. However, I probably wouldn't even think twice about it and it's hardly shocking behaviour or bad manners to be drinking a hot drink.

Redwinestillfine · 20/06/2021 17:39

@babyguffingtonstrikesagain

Oh and what's the deal with not eating or drinking an hour before communion? Never heard that one before. Does God not forgive your sins if you have a full stomach?
Transubstantiation. It's showing respect by fasting (only for an hour, hardly a big ask)
GoldenOmber · 20/06/2021 17:43

@babyguffingtonstrikesagain

Oh and what's the deal with not eating or drinking an hour before communion? Never heard that one before. Does God not forgive your sins if you have a full stomach?
Depends on your denomination? It’s a thing in Catholic churches and (some?) CofE, not sure about others. And no, it’s not about God not forgiving you if you have a full stomach (Hmm) - fasting is a part of religious observance in a lot of religions. If you think an hour before communion is shocking, wait until you hear about Lent!