To feel sad I never had a baby shower

[Changedname655]

I feel sad I never had any moments of my life celebrated. I didn’t have anyone throw me a baby shower or even celebrate the fact I was getting married. I am youngest of 3 sisters and felt by the time my turn came to anything no one was bothered. Even my wedding prep no one was excited and I did everything on my own like dress shopping and cake choosing.

Obviously my DH was with me for cake choosing but there was no excitement like on my sisters when we all went. They were always too busy with kids n life but never during that time too busy to post pictures on social media of nights out. Funnily enough they managed to find childcare to go on nights out but never when I needed them for anything.

I’ve always been shy and reserved so don’t have many close friends who would actually organise baby showers etc. I have friends I go for coffee with and play dates but I really wish my family would step up. They play no part in my kids life whereas I would step in during summer holidays and look after their kids when I was younger.

Is it just my family who are this rubbish? I remember anytime I dressed up my sisters would joke and laugh at me. Cos of them I am so insecure. They would say it must be hard for me to have such beautiful sisters when I’m so ugly. I know I should let things go but I feel really sad sometimes when I see other siblings and how lovely they are. I can’t watch say “yes to dress” as I get upset when all family are there wedding dress shopping. I chose my dress on my own. I wish things were different.

That’s so sad. I didn’t have a baby shower, but they weren’t really something that happened back then and I too went wedding dress shopping on my own or with a friend.

It’s hard, but you have to accept they don’t deserve you spending time fretting. You’re a mother yourself now and have to move on from the disappointment in your family by building strong friendships with people who stand by you and affirm your loveliness. It will be your family who lose out, but that is their choice.
The plus side is you get free choice and can decide what family events you opt into or out of.

YANBU to be sad about the bigger picture of never being celebrated, but bad move to focus on the baby shower. I've never known anyone who had one and although some people obviously feel they're a thing, it still has a whiff of grabby commerciality and me me me-ness in the UK (assuming that's where you are). I'm right down the other end of the scale and actively dislike a lot of fuss, total no-frills wedding, none of the rituals, dress shopping etc. so I wouldn't feel sad about not having that either. However I'd want to feel on a day to day basis that my family loved me and I was important to them. Is that memory of your sisters being mean from early childhood or are they still horrible to you? Do you parents know/defend you/join in? If it's this much bigger thing and you're suffering from a toxic family putting you down then that's awful and I hope your new family with your DH and DC is very different and you can find the love and appreciation that you need with them and screw the others.

Your thread title is a misnomer as your sadness is about a lot more than a baby shower.

Your sisters sound self absorbed and frankly, nasty. Do you have parents alive and around?

Quite a few people have a family of origin who are not nice and who are best not to be around.

The only thing you can do in this situation is to build firm friendships and other relationships such as that with your husband. These will be your support and means of enjoyment in the future .

** Your thread title is a misnomer as your sadness is about a lot more than a baby shower.

Your sisters sound self absorbed and frankly, nasty.**

^This. I feel sad for you OP. It is horrible and so disappointing

Your sisters sound nasty.

I'd accept your family are how they are and focus more on furthering the relationships you have with friends. It's better to use your energy on something that could have some potential rather than waste it on something you know in your heart does not

Your sisters are horrible but the rest of it is fairly normal. I organised my own hen party, low key brunch followed by drinks, didn't have a baby shower wouldn't want one, went dress shopping with my mum and on one occasion also MIL which was interesting as we have very different tastes, it wouldn't have occurred to me for anyone else to be involved in cake tasting and wedding planning other than DH. I think this is about confidence, I know what I like and what I want, I don't need (or really want) the opinions of others, but growing up with sisters like yours will have affected that. Best thing you can do is have no expectation of them and either keep them at a distance or no contact. You'll find as your confidence grows you don't need their approval or involvement anyway.

I bought my wedding dress on my own, and I still think it's the best thing to do. No silly family or friends putting my favourite dress down.
You should watch "Yes to the dress". Most families manage to make things worse for the bride, rather than better. And then, the same dress they put down seems perfect with the veil. FFS.
They're only there to make good TV. Don't compare your life to TV shows.

Are you much younger than them? It is natural that there is less excitement for the 3rd wedding and 3rd child, but it is sad if there is no excitement at all. You do deserve more from your family.

But you have your own family now, and if your extended family doesn't contribute to your happiness, then be less involved with them. Concentrate on your nuclear family and those you're happy with.

TV isn’t always real life for many. I only know one person who had a baby shower and I don’t know anyone who took their whole family shopping for a wedding dress.

I’d focus on the important things rather than parties and celebrations. A wedding is about the vows, the rest is set dressing and purely optional.

No my parents don’t get involved. They’ve actually never made a secret that I was unwanted as they desperately wanted a son. My sisters have thrown this fact at me all my life that I’m unwanted.

I’ve had therapy for years and the bottom line is I feel unwanted and unworthy and I am drawn to people that make me feel the same way as that’s what I’ve known all my life. Therapy hasn’t helped to be honest. I feel okay whilst having the sessions then drift back to normal over time.

My marriage with DH is not great. He’s very cold and unloving. His main focus in life is work. At least I have love from my Kids who actually adore me!

I don’t want to carry on feeling sorry for myself I want to be happy and make friends. I find it hard getting past the acquaintance relationship and into something deeper. I always feel I am bothering people by texting or arranging to meet up. When friends go make the effort with me I tend to push them away as I think no one really want to be around me.

Hi OP - you deserve so much more from your family. I agree, the thread title is misleading as this is about so much more than a baby shower.
You can’t change what’s in the past but you can change what happens from here on. Are you able to take steps to redefine your relationships with them/ limit contact etc ?

You think they’d be more excited as you’re the last time they get to do these celebrations really (at least, for another generation). Sorry OP :(

For what is worth, OP, a big hug.
I'm glad you have great children.

You're certainly worthy of love and friendship.

Sorry that you're feeling so low OP. Your sisters sound very extreme in their nastiness if they're calling you ugly etc.

My marriage with DH is not great. He’s very cold and unloving. His main focus in life is work.

Was he loving before you got married?

I’m so sorry OP. Your family sound horrible. You deserve to have loving relationships in your life. There are lots of people who have difficult relationships with their biological families for various reasons and who find love and support by nurturing bonds with ‘found families’ of very close friends. I hope you are able to find something similar.