What time WIBU to call police as DS18 not home yet?

[SunglassesSeventy]

Not sure what to do.

DS18 hasn't come home yet after night out. He last messaged at midnight to say he was meeting a friend after his late work shift and that his phone was running out charge. He said 'so I may be back like 1.20' in his last message.

I'm trying to stay calm and force myself to think that the most likely scenario is that him and the friend have gone to sit in a park somewhere, but it's unlike him to be home so much later than he's told me, so I am also feeling worried.

Not sure what to do. Feels a bit silly to call police but how long do I wait?

I've no idea how my mum wasn't an anxious wreck, but she let me come and go as I pleased at night from such a young age. But we did live in a small, safe town.

I need to relax and trust that my DS will get home safely when drunk, like most teens have been doing for generations!

Delighted he’s home and that you were able to get to sleep.

Genuine question, though- what would you have expected the police to do if you had called them?

I have an 18 year old, well I have had a few and remember how nerve racking the first one was!

These days I just ask roughly what time they will be back, set my alarm for a couple of hours after and just check they're back then. They do tend to text me if they are going to be much later - or they decide they won't be back until morning which is a whole other worry, just to warn you

They know they can always ring me at any time if they have any difficulties and I will transfer money for taxis if they need to come home. (I make sure to keep a set amount reserved for this, I'm quite poor!)

You weren't seriously going to call the police an hour after the vague time an adult said they would be home? That's nuts.

I also bought them portable small power banks for phones which have actually been invaluable.

The ones that can't remember it off by heart, also have my mobile number on a strip of paper with them in case they lose their phones learnt that one the hard way) and have also made sure they have the number to cancel bank cards immediately if they are lost, especially now they are contactless ones.

Also, if they have your number but no charge on their phone, they can text you from a mate's phone to let you know.

@sneezypants

Agreed!!

What on earth would the police say when you rang them “an adult is just over an hour later than planned” ?!

Really? Can you even report an adult missing after such a tiny time frame?

Glad he's home safe OP

I once rang the police at 4am when my then boyfriend now dh hadn't come home as expected. We were in a city with a river and I was worried about him falling in drunk etc. The police were not at all dismissive and were able to check and tell me they had had no reports of accidents, assaults or similar with them or at the local hospital. It turned out he had decided to stay at a friend's without telling me. I'm sure they wouldn't have launched an investigation or anything but I still don't think it was ridiculous to have phoned them.

@PatriachtryChickenOlympicDinner You sound like a lovely mum x

Glad your DS is home safe..

reading this makes me feel terrible for what a shitty teenager i was to my parents. I would often tell them i was coming home at XX time and arrive sometime the next day. I hope my DC are better kids than i was!

As hard as it is, you need to trust them. I've laid awake many times waiting on my girls to get home, I sympathise, but as far as the police, it would need to be at least midday the next day before they would do anything because they know from experience young people fall asleep at a friends, meet a boy/girl and go back to theirs, and simply loose track of time. I would suggest he gets a small power back up thing so he can text you in the future if running late

@Callywalls thank you but I'm not really, I learnt things (like giving them power banks) the hard way so it's more fuck ups and experience than any innate talent at motherhood

Plus I was an awful teen myself, like PP I feel terrible about my poor parents now! Although in some ways a lack of mobiles made it easier as we weren't expected to keep in touch the way our DC are now, and things seemed a bit more laidback. My parents wouldn't have considered ringing the police after an hour and I wouldn't consider it myself, being honest I find it surprising people would consider it.

One thing I am more "uptight" about though is my DDs getting public transport/taxis home. I prefer it when they text to say they are on the way back at that point, then I know to expect them and that I should worry more when they don't turn up then.

It's so much easier when they're not at home anymore tbh - ignorance is bliss as they say! (Plus there is less out of focus Snapchat pics of selfies and blurry cocktails at 2.36am

(If I didn't feel so sad for my DC I would have enjoyed the "respite" from worry when the bars were closed and they couldn't socialise)