Would you want to know?

[haveagohero]

Sorry, I don't know where to put this, so have gone for here.

It's come to my attention that someone very well respected in the local community is - what I would say - an addicted coke user. Think needing it daily. He is into his dealer for 4 figures in arrears, and is begging friends daily for cash jobs just to feed his habit.

I feel terrible for his wife and children. She has no idea the extent of the debt or his habit, and I feel that she should know. Not least because they could lose what they have through his debts.

If I had to ask a question, as the wife would you want to know, and would someone be unreasonable about giving her the heads up? If the info came to light, he would lose his business and credibility overnight. It's weighing heavily on me, after stumbling across the details unwittingly

Is she a friend of yours? Do you know her? I think she would thank you for telling her. I would find it hard to forgive a friend who didn't tell me I was sinking into debt.

How do you know this, though?

Absolutely I would!

How can you be sure that she doesn’t already no?

As a wife, if you knew this, wouldn't you have lost your shit about it? She doesn't know, I am sure of that. I pulled into a pub car park to make a phone call and overheard too much. I wouldn't say she's a friend, but she isn't a stranger either

Yes. Tell her 100% so she can save herself and her children. Heaven forbid his dealer comes after them???
I would want to know regardless of whether you were a complete stranger

How can she not know if he is using every day?

Absolutely! He could he putting his children in danger in so many ways and I’d feel a huge responsibility to make sure she knew so that she could keep them safe.

I would want to know. She needs a chance to protect herself and the dc.

Yes tell her, but expect to be in a ‘shoot the messenger’ situation.
She may not believe you or may take her anger and frustration out on you.

She might do coke too? I think you should keep what you think you heard to yourself.

@haveagohero

As a wife, if you knew this, wouldn't you have lost your shit about it? She doesn't know, I am sure of that. I pulled into a pub car park to make a phone call and overheard too much. I wouldn't say she's a friend, but she isn't a stranger either

What makes you sure they're not dealing with this behind closed doors?

How well do you know her? Do you ever spend time together?

I would want to know. If you are going to tell her I would be wary of your approach, depending on your relationship with her.

Just to add there are a lot of people I know who fit into the bracket of "not my friend and not a stranger". I don't think I would feel comfortable telling them this.

She might already know.

I'm also worried about the the debt being called in. I think that's my main worry here

I'd keep out of it I think. But be there too support her when the shit hits the fan.
She may find the fact of you knowing about it worse that the actual bad deeds themselves.
If she knew you knew she'd constantly be worried about the secret getting out.

@MrsFin I know you are right. Equally, they could lose everything and I would feel somewhat responsible for her plight. I would want to know. Regardless

I would want to know.

Addicts like this, with good 'official' credit scores, can take out secured and unsecured loans, max out credit cards and borrow money left right and centre - and they will.

This lady needs to know before her house is taken away from her,

Absolutely stay out of it. You overheard a conversation in a pub car park and now you're considering wading hip deep into a semi-strangers business. No way.

I would definitely want to know.

Overhearing something in the car park is just not enough evidence.
It is not worth the fall out. He could very nasty and turn on you and yours.
The wife will has some clue of something at the very least. You have no idea if she uses too.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
If he's in this deep then you stay away and think of your own family

[quote haveagohero]@MrsFin I know you are right. Equally, they could lose everything and I would feel somewhat responsible for her plight. I would want to know. Regardless[/quote]
Also you are not going being able to prevent any of what may happen happening.
The responsibility is nothing to do with you.
People get killed over drug debts and if you have heard something that you are that concerned about then I would anonymously call the police and pass that info on to them and let them do the telling

Hands down I'd want to know.