To have reached out to ex step sister?

[Opal93]

Ok this is a complicated one so bear with me… my mum and dad had a very toxic relationship and split when I was 11 because my mum had an affair. Shortly after her boyfriend moved in and I was miserable with them. My dad moved on and met a lovely girlfriend and I got on brilliant with her daughter. I unfortunately couldn’t live with them because they lived 3 hours away and it was too far from my school but my dad promised if I finished school I could move in with him. But when I was 16 we were all absolutely blindsided when it came out my mum and dad were having an affair with each other behind their new parents back, resulting in a huge fallout and them getting back together, suddenly putting on a united front and acting like the past 5 years never happened. I was forbidden from contacting my dads ex or her daughter. Back to the present, 12 years later and my DH and I have just booked a holiday to Rome. The last time I was in rome was with my dad, his ex and her daughter and I have lovely memories of it. I looked her up on SM and she has a private account. I sent a brief message saying “hope you don’t mind me reaching out, I’ve always wondered how you and your mum are over the years, hope you’s are keeping well” type thing. But now I wonder if I shouldn’t have done it? I’d love to get in touch, after all we got on great and what happened was through no fault of any of ours, but what if she thinks it’s weird after all this time? Was I BU to message ?

I think it’s a nice message. It certainly wasn’t your fault your dad was horrid to her and her mum. She might not want to have a meaningful relationship with you now but hopefully she’ll at least exchange pleasantries.

Just out of interest, did your mum and dad then stay together the second time around?

AmyandPhilipfan, my dad died about a year after and my mum got back into a relationship with the man she had an affair with. She and I are very low contact now

I wouldn’t have personally sent a message no

I think its a nice thing to do. If she doesn't like it, she can just delete it, can't she? But, maybe she missed you as well and would be pleased to hear from you.

Fingers crossed, OP. I hope this works out right for you!

I think it is fine. You were both kids in the situation and now adults

I think its a lovely think to do . Often kids are the ones messes up in their parents relationships and you both may find comfort

I think it's fine, just a nice polite message. You were completely innocent in the situation so it's not like you're acting out of turn. She may not wish to respond, or to only acknowledge briefly. Try not to take it personally if so.