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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU that DH still hasn't organised weekend away

10 replies

ejhhhhh · 19/06/2021 21:30

This is partly just another vent post about a useless OH, and sort of a genuine AIBU to see if others have a different perspective. I was 40 in November, and with restrictions being what they were at the time we couldn't do much. Me and DH had a nice posh takeaway, and made noises about doing something else when restrictions were lifted. I'd really like a night away somewhere on our own, I'm not a party kind of person, and as we have grandparents who could provide childcare it wouldn't be too difficult to organise. But as is typical of my DH, nothing has actually materialised since restrictions have been lifted, and we have no plans to do anything, despite me asking about it a few times. We haven't done anything as a couple without the kids in nearly a year, despite offers of childcare, opportunity is not the issue. Not a meal out, trip to the pub, nada. I feel like if we are going to have a weekend away, or do anything as a couple, I'm going to need to organise it, but I'm really pee'd off that I have to. Topputthis into context, my DH is terrible with birthdays. He's always late giving gifts, so the fact that he did organise anything at all for my birthday is something to be grateful for. My OH is generally great with the kids and he does his fare share of housework and childcare, but he's terrible at organising anything. I organise so much, pretty much everything in our lives that has to be organised, like kids activities, schools admin etc, and I just can't be arsed organising this too. But then I read so many horror stories on here about completely awful OHs, and my OH isn't like that at all, so maybe I should just let this slide? I've booked a nice spa day for myself when I know I won't need to have the kids, so that's something I suppose. It just makes me feel sad that he's not done anything yet for my 40th, and that he may well not plan anything. AIBU for feeling upset about this?

OP posts:
Veterinari · 19/06/2021 21:39

What does your DH say when you ask him?

ejhhhhh · 19/06/2021 21:52

He does say that he intends to organise something, I don't think he's intentionally avoiding doing so. But without a deadline to work to, he's likely to take months and months to organise anything, if he does at all, at least based on past experience! I fully expect to be 41 before anything happens.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 19/06/2021 22:04

@ejhhhhh

He does say that he intends to organise something, I don't think he's intentionally avoiding doing so. But without a deadline to work to, he's likely to take months and months to organise anything, if he does at all, at least based on past experience! I fully expect to be 41 before anything happens.
Have you pointed out to him that it would be nice to have a break in the summer? Maybe set him a deadline?

'I was just thinking, could you book my birthday weekend in July or August please as I'd like some sunshine/to make sure I get it in case there's another lockdown'

dreamingbohemian · 19/06/2021 22:11

Can you set him a deadline?

Can you start simple by asking him to organise a night out? It's weird that you haven't done anything yourselves in a year

I know a lot of people say this kind of thing s no big deal but it would make me feel really unloved so Yanbu

ejhhhhh · 19/06/2021 22:11

Yep, I've pretty much said that, although as the deadline isn't real, like an actual event that can't be moved (he's arranged things like friends stag do's before when he's had to before the wedding) I'm not sure that's going to happen. Many moons ago, about three years before marriage and kids we were going to go on a long weekend to New York, organised by him (I didn't have the funds for that kind of thing at the time). Our kids are now 5 and 8, we never went to New York. Unless it HAS to happen, it doesn't happen with my OH!

OP posts:
OverByYer · 19/06/2021 22:13

My DH is the same . Pretty good all around but every trip/ holiday is down to me to sort out. It does really grate in me

ejhhhhh · 19/06/2021 22:19

Yes that's exactly it OverByYer, everything we do is organised by me. If we have a holiday or a family day out, I initiate the organising. Even if he does get involved with it eventually, without me starting the process it wouldn't happen. He does plenty with his friends when they've done the organising, and we do loads with his family, again when they've organised something. I guess we haven't done much as a couple because I'm just sick of being responsible for it all.

OP posts:
Lulalu · 19/06/2021 22:27

Tell him you are giving him a week. Otherwise, you will organise something yourself and take a friend. He has until Friday 25th to book something appropriate.

Hotcuppatea · 19/06/2021 22:31

I know how you feel. I'm going through a very similar thing with my DH. I honestly don't know how to stop feeling resentment about it. And now that things are starting to open up, we are going out to celebrate other people's birthdays and big days which makes me even madder. My milestone birthday has just been swept aside.

OverByYer · 19/06/2021 22:39

We both have a big birthday later this year and I know if I don’t organise something. We will end up doing nothing.
I do resent the fact that when it comes to holidays he simply has to ‘ turn up’.
I would stop taking the lead but then it would mean we go nowhere

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