To cancel my birthday dinner

[Birthdaysybother]

Wasn’t sure wether to put this here or relationships but here goes. Just told DH to cancel my birthday dinner next week as it just feels fake. We have not been getting on for the last 6months and have now lapsed into a civil politeness , sleeping in seperate rooms , barely conversing , watching tv in seperate rooms every night . I have tried to sort this and it always ends with a promise to make more effort by DH but nothing changes . I don’t think he would even suggest we go out for a coffee together normally but because it is my birthday I guess he feels like he should make an effort and has booked dinner for my birthday.
At first I was happy but now it feels just sad and fake like A pity dinner . We will go out it will probably be very polite and pleasant and then we will come back and retire to our seperate rooms and that will be it till the next family/social event requiring both our presence.
Truth is am gutted by this realisation and the state of my marriage . I have no alternative sadly so if I don’t go it will be a night watching tv by myself

You're, not being unreasonable and may I gently suggest you go and atay with a girlfriend or at least go out on your birthday?
If your marriage is in this state then you deserve to be with people who will make you laugh on your special day xx

@scottishnewbie. Thank you for your reply . I know you are right . It just hit me today with another weekend and doing our own thing how mad this is. I think I have just been ignoring the state of my marriage and it is only now with a birthday coming up which should be spent with people who like and want to spend time with you that I have realised how pathetic my life is.

Who else do you have around you?

Are you going to officially separate?

@EnfieldRes. I have adult children and a few friends who I had organised coffee and cake with on the day . Just obviously nothing organised for the evening. I don’t mind not doing anything on my birthday. To be honest I actually think this impending birthday has just caused me to focus how much I have got used to no attention and have just been ignoring the elephant in the room as we are operating as very polite housemates . I just feel gutted by the whole realisation. I guess I always knew it but have never really looked at it properly until now. To avoid feeling as rubbish as I do now probably!

Do something about it now that you've realised the severity of the situation.. and perhaps next year you won't still be in the same predicament.

When things were going south with my exh I told him we wouldn't be socialising or faking occasions together.. Eventually he got the jist.. He still didn't believe I was moving out until I actually did!!
Stay strong op...

I agree with PP.
If you're in a position to leave then I would seriously consider it. Then next birthday you could be in a completely different situation with someone who really values you hugs

Oh OP, your post made me sad. I really picked up on the loneliness you must be feeling within your relationship, and I can totally understand your feelings on the meal.
I hope you can leave your relationship in the near future.

I’m sorry you are in this situation.

What are the practicalities behind formally separating? And yes, I agree about looking to find a friend to spend the evening with instead.

Hope you have a enjoyable birthday.

Thanks for everyone’s kind words. You are right I need to move forward from this and make sure next year I am with people who want to be with me and care about me

In your shoes, I would either go with a friend or go out by myself to a really nice restaurant and take a good book with me. No point pretending on your birthday.

I think it sounds like cancelling is absolutely the right thing to do. And like it's a good step forwards to finding a happier future for yourself too.
Can you make evening plans for yourself though? If you're seeing people during the day then maybe take yourself off to a play or a film in the evening - I'm single and have treated myself on my birthday that way before if I'm not celebrating with friend or family on the day itself.

Isn't him planning dinner making an effort?