Am I wrong here?

[Isjohnnyfivealive]

I don't want to go into too much detail, but I'm really struggling with this decision and want to know if I'm wrong or not for sticking to my guns.

I have two dc with my ex 10 & 8, he's not been the greatest dad in and out of their lives, sees them when he feels like it and they've never had an overnight stay with them.
He now has another dc who they have never met, she is around 1 years old and he wants them to meet tomorrow.

Here's the problem I have, he has spoken to my dc twice about their sibling so they have no bond nor are they really interested in her, I have no problem with them meeting and getting to know their sibling, but I do however have major issues with her mum. Who has over the last 3 years been constantly nasty towards me and my dc through text, email and social media. She has stalked me and my family, sending everyone nasty messages.
Neither myself or my dc have met her and I have point blank refused to allow them to be anywhere near her, which has caused a massive argument between me and the ex.

I'm now feeling like I'm taking an opportunity away from my dc, because of one person and I don't know what to do.

A one year old won't get anything out a meeting with two older children that she won't see again for months.

Your children won't get anything out of meeting with a woman who stalks them and their mother.

I'd say he could bring the child round for half an hour. His new partner won't tolerate that so it won't happen anyway. I'd say that if she came anywhere near the house that I'd get a restraining order out against her.

I have suggested he take them all out on they're own maybe to the park, somewhere on neutral ground, but obviously the weather isn't great.

What do you mean you’re taking the opp away? Are you saying no to the meeting?

It’s good for them to meet their sibling, and to build a relationship as soon as possible with her. So as she ages she’s part of their family.

I’d also add and I mean this gently, it’s not your decision. He is their father and entitled to do as he pleases in his time with them.

I'm saying no to the meeting if her mother is there, not to them meeting their sibling.

Do your DC want to meet their sister?

If yes then YABU to 'block' this from happening but YANBU to want it to happen in a way which protects your DC from exposure to someone who has been abusive to you/them

I absolutely agree with you that he is entitled to that, however my issue is purely with a woman who clearly hates the fact my dc exist and I as their mum am not willing to allow my dc to be put in a situation where they feel uncomfortable around two people they have never met, in a situation that is going to be hard enough as it is, with their dad who really has no balls and I feel will have a go at them if they don't react the way he wants.

@BramStoker They're really not that interested, I've asked them if they want to meet their sister and all I get back are shrugs and told they don't know or no they dont care.

I've honestly tried to get them interested, but I think because they've never met her or not been spoken to about her then they feel as though shes not apart of their lives.

I don't think your conditions on the meeting are unreasonable at all - why should your children be around this vile woman who has been abusive towards you!

Is it possible though that your kids are being very vague and disinterested about their baby sibling because they don't want to upset YOU by being in any way interested?

No I dont think they are.
I've never really let them know what's going on and have always been positive about their sister, when she was born I encouraged them to go out and buy her something, which is still sitting in my cupboard as her mum said she doesn't want it when I text ex to let him know they got her something,
Again they don't know I still have it.

I say this kindly but please don’t ask the children what they want, they will feel conflicted and it causes them stress.
They should have a relationship with their sibling and unfortunately you can’t control the hows and whys.
I would make sure that it is all agreed on the proviso that everybody is civil and action will be taken to any threats.