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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Taking the whole family everywhere

60 replies

Ilikegreenshoes · 19/06/2021 03:54

I bring my middle child to karate every Saturday morning. It's a fairly full class with limited seating for anyone watching.

AIBU to find it extremely annoying when some families turn up all together every week (mum, dad and a child or two) taking up heaps of space?

I just don't get the appeal. The other kids are bored and distracting, parents are up and down, in and out and there are adults sitting on the floor while children take up the seats.

I understand everyone coming down for the first lesson to watch or whatever, but this is every single week!

Just having a moan really, it's given me the hump this morning (I'm one of the ones on the floor today!)

OP posts:

Watermelon221 · 19/06/2021 07:48

And also, why would a mum (it’s usually the mum) need to take her 2-3 toddlers to watch their older sibling in a class activity at the weekend, when their dad is at home? Said siblings are usually disruptive through boredom and surely would be happier doing something with dad...

MsTSwift · 19/06/2021 07:59

I judge an act as selfish if everyone did the same the whole system breaks down. Especially at the moment too surprised they allowed to stay

Chemenger · 19/06/2021 08:00

@prettyvisitor

Yes it's very annoying, as is whole families going to the supermarket and treating it like an adventure playground.

Yesterday in the supermarket there was a family with three smallish children, all running around with those baskets on wheels, mum with the trolley and dad tagging along. This despite the “Shop on your own” notice at the door. They were causing chaos.

drspouse · 19/06/2021 08:01

Again, @Watermelon221, likely he "can't look after them".
I guess it's quite nice that all the football dads can look after the siblings at DD class!

DeathStare · 19/06/2021 08:02

Single parents often have no choice but to bring all the kids

Sceptre86 · 19/06/2021 08:03

I work on a Saturday. My dd goes to a dance class, dh takes her and ds too as he has nowhere to leave ds. He then taken ds to football and dd goes along with. The classes are 20 minutes after one another and there isn't enough time to go home inbetween so even if I am off work I can't take care of one. I don't drive, no spurious reasons I have been learning but due to the pandemic there is a backlog and test dates are not coming up. If there was a one adult to one child ratio then neither child would be able to go to their classes.

As for going out shopping as a family, we sometimes do.

PostmanPatandhiscat · 19/06/2021 08:09

I work in a store and whole families come to the till together . I mean not just Mum Dad and child . Sometimes there can be 7 or 8 people standing there and as soon as the one person is about to pay , the majority of them wander off to the waiting area

Or parents who moan at us if their child sees what THEY have just bought whilst their child , along with another adult or 3 , are standing there and rather than ask the other adult to take the children outside , (or not bring them at all maybe )we are expected to play hide and seek with bags before their child can see the items !!

RaspberryCoulis · 19/06/2021 08:09

I have three children, at one stage the older two were doing swimming at a school pool, lesson was only 30 minutes so it wasn't worth going home and coming back again. Nowhere to sit and have a coffee as it was a school. No option but to take my youngest too, he was about 2 and a fecking nightmare. Saw the pool and started yelling "Bath! Bath!" as he clearly wanted to go in too.

If it was dry I would take him out to run round the school pitch and try to tire him out. There's no way I would have taken DH too.

BiscoffAddict · 19/06/2021 08:18

Oh this does my head in as well. I remember seeing whole families in the supermarket when we were in the middle of lockdown and they were advising people only one family member a time inside. As a child going shopping with my DM was the most boring thing ever!

nellyburt · 19/06/2021 08:21

Irritates me too. I’m off to ballet today with dd. Alone, because I’m not afraid of my own company, controlled or controlling.

newnortherner111 · 19/06/2021 08:22

Lucky you to be in a country where the government has acted promptly re the pandemic, and not have the incompetent Mr Johnson.

I'm sympathetic if childcare reasons means a child not taking part has to sit and watch, saddened if it is to avoid harm to a child, but otherwise YANBU. Boredom from a child watching is a recipe for disruption.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 19/06/2021 08:36

It does seem odd and annoying if you’re confident, independent and in a healthy relationship. As @mathanxiety so aptly put tho there are lots of reasons why women especially sometimes don’t have the freedom or confidence to leave other kids at home with a partner or go to places solo. It can be quite low ebb but this sort of dynamic is rife.

Waterfallgirl · 19/06/2021 09:08

@GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas

It does seem odd and annoying if you’re confident, independent and in a healthy relationship. As *@mathanxiety* so aptly put tho there are lots of reasons why women especially sometimes don’t have the freedom or confidence to leave other kids at home with a partner or go to places solo. It can be quite low ebb but this sort of dynamic is rife.

I agree with this it is very sad.

But you also have the mum takes all 3 kids to a party ( dad stays home because he cannot looks after his own children) and mum expects them all to have party tea and party bag and also take part in any activity. That used to really annoy me.

We also had one family when my dc were in primary who would bring both maternal grandparents to everything. Not just plays and things ( fairly common) but every parents evening, extra meeting about school such as quick meeting about maths club, or a parents meeting about a residential trip going through the (boring) details of how many pairs of pants to bring. Often walking the grand kids to school with mum and collecting them with mum.... they lived in the same road so it’s not like they never saw them. Family are English so no language or translation issue, children doing ok at school etc Mum well enough with busy part time job in school hrs ( ie not unwell to need support) So 4 adults there every time they had an interaction with school.... whole lives enmeshed together .....strange.

Stickyjamhands · 19/06/2021 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Ilikegreenshoes · 19/06/2021 09:21

Single adult on their own with multiple children I wouldn't question, to be fair, as I have no idea of their circumstances. (Though I would still feel irritated if their kids were hogging the seats while adults had to sit on the floor!)

And for the record, we are a loving and close family who do enjoy each other's company!

OP posts:

LemonRoses · 19/06/2021 09:22

I often used to have to take all three to all activities as my husband was working. They often started straight after school or the children had follow on sessions.
At weekends, our son would be at rugby training and we’d walk up after Church with the girls to watch the match. They were very happy with a lemonade and chatting to friends whose brothers were also playing. The fact there were many families there created a nice buzz and it felt like a ‘real game’. All very sociable.
Swimming was a Friday after school. We walked to the pool as the first lesson was about 4:30 and there wasn’t time to go home and back. They then had follow on lessons for the others. No option but to go to sports centre together. They played with other siblings whilst the mothers chatted in the cafeteria/reception area over a coffee.
Some people have no choice.

SamMil · 19/06/2021 09:25

During Covid, it's annoying as it limits space.

The rest of the time, I don't think this would bother me, especially on a weekend. Families have limited time together and maybe both parents want to watch their child?

enjoyingscience · 19/06/2021 09:31

Agree. I used to work in an out of hours GP surgery, and there were so many families would bring both parents, all the kids, and often a grandparent or two. The consulting rooms were only for two, so they couldn’t all go in, but the waiting room would be heaving.

Total madness, and the most efficient way to make sure that instead of having one poorly child, you’d have a house full, as the place was absolutely looping with germs. Same families often required patient transport, so taking up seven or eight seats in a transport for one patient.

PipedownSue · 19/06/2021 09:40

In my DDs there's a family where both mum and dad do every drop off and pick up together and they're always late! I think if there were two of us to help the kids get ready in the morning we would be on time every day!

enjoyingscience · 19/06/2021 09:43

Urgh, that reminds me of the family in my sons nursery who used to turn up as a family to all birthday parties. You’d get the usual ‘is it ok if sibling of friend comes along too’ text, which of course is fine if other parent is not around or whatever, and then all four of them would rock up. Total CFs.

Nofruitta · 19/06/2021 09:49

Live and let live.

drspouse · 19/06/2021 10:07

@enjoyingscience surely patient transport would just say no to extra family members on transport??

enjoyingscience · 19/06/2021 10:09

@drspouse, probably (hopefully!) now they would, but not then (this was 15 years ago). The drivers used to moan about it, but would still bring them all in.

Hallyup6 · 19/06/2021 10:23

Are you sure the other children don't have their own class before or after the session? I used to have two children with consecutive swimming lessons so I'd have to sit with one of them while the other had her lesson, then swap.

It is irritating though. There's a couple who both come to pick up their 4 year old twins from nursery and I always wonder why one adult can't cope with two children.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 19/06/2021 10:26

YANBU one parent could watch the class and the other could go for a walk with the other kids/go to the park/get a coffee etc. If they really do all have to be there the kids could sit on the floor and let the other parents have the seats.

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