Partners sleeping

[Thosepeskypirates]

Im probably BU here but it's really getting to me how my partner is so rubbish at staying awake. We had a new baby 5 days ago, I sleep either up or downstairs depending on where he is so he can get a decent sleep and function like a normal adult the next day with our other 2 children.
But it's really grating now that while he gets full nights he always ends up disappearing off to bed once or twice a day for an hour & a half nap. I've learnt to stay awake all day now with the baby awake 90% of the night but it's frustrating me he's acting like HE was the one breastfeeding all night! I don't mind doing the changes and stuff at nighttime but it I'm getting fed up now. He's quite large too (being honest and he knows it himself) and that's the reason he has awful energy levels but God help anyone if it's brought up.

Congrats on your new baby!
I'd honestly be telling him to piss off!
You need to be very straight with him and tell him he can't just be going to naps when he feels tired when your the one exhausted and left with 3 kids, whilst being up all night.

Does he get up on a morning with the other DC?

Two questions:

How in hell does he have the nerve to ask to go for a nap when it is you who has been up in the night?

When is he going to the doctor??? This is mental.

Actually three, how have you not killed him?

Does he stop you from going and having a sleep in the day too?

Thankyou!
He will get up around the same time as me but the first thing he pleads is I didn't sleep much..
Also to those 3 questions I don't know, usually he falls asleep on the sofa and he is an awful snorer so I get mad and tell him to go upstairs so he doesn't wake the baby downstairs and as for the doctor he just isn't interested!

He also doesn't stop me from sleeping, in the first couple of days I had a couple hours catch up but I actually prefer now to stay awake so when he goes back to work I'm not lagging. It's not like I don't want him to sleep because I choose not to, it's because I want him to be able to function like a normal adult! I was hoping in these two weeks we'd be going and doing things out together because this doesn't happen often but I guess it's affecting him differently.

Is he noisy when he sleeps? I am wondering if he has sleep apnea and so is getting poor quality sleep?

He should still be helping out of course!

Does he have sleep apnea OP? If he's genuinely so tired he needs a nap in the day then he needs to go to the doctor ASAP. If he refuses to go to the doctor then he needs to suck it up and give YOU a bloody nap in the day.

He's already been to see the Dr when I nagged him about the possibility of sleep apnoea, they just wrote it off. He has symptoms as listed on the NHS website, I even recorded him sleeping to show him how bad it was because when he snores his whole body violently shakes. Plus he will go quiet in the night for a few seconds and then suddenly come back from the dead so to speak, it's that loud.
He has got a full time job and I know he has energy drinks to get through everyday.
I'm just glad I'm not being completely unreasonable here!

I would get snoreLab on his phone and see how bad the sleep apnoea really is (if he does have it it's actually a serious problem and needs to be sorted). You could also do a private sleep study at home if you can afford it. Although quite possibly the problem would be solved if he lost weight.

Either way he needs to take some responsibility, either he's a lazy bastard who's taking naps while his wife is exhausted feeding all night or he's an irresponsible bastard who's refusing to sort his health out despite the fact it's impacting the entire family.

YANBU. If anyone should be napping during the day, it’s you. Both of mine were frequently keeping me up all night at that age

He needs to be referred to the sleep clinic. This is really important. He probably isn't safe to drive.

It does sound very much like sleep apnoea.

So in effect neither of you are sleeping at night to any extent.

I would, if he is able, contact his GP via e-consult. That way you get to say what you need to say without fielding return questions IYSWIM.

I say this because a GP could easily dismiss snoring & fatigue as overweight problems, overlooking the fact it could be more serious and help could be available.

My dad had sleep apnoea. For so many years he was told he snored so badly because he had a broken nose from rugby at school & it impeded the airflow. You need to be persistent.

Wow. Not so much sympathy for a woman who gave birth this very week! On Mumsnet, too!

Your husband needs a medical review and referral, without further delay. If he is reluctant (to some degree understandable due to trying and being brushed off) or apathetic (again partly understandable given his obvious exhaustion) I would lay it on the line that your relationship is in jeopardy and you are worried about his health and everyone's safety. If he is brushed off at the GP again make a formal complaint. Don't mention his weight again, if it makes him defensive, just concentrate on getting him referred, and let the professionals do that. You must be exhausted, but so is he. I would try to be understanding but firm - he is unreasonable if he refuses to seek help with your support. My understanding would then turn to anger, unfortunately.