Wedding invites

[Starling57]

Ok, long story but I’ll try to shorten it.
Basically I have a sister who, to put it politely, I have a strained relationship with. Her daughter fell out with mine about 3 years ago and was quite nasty about it. My daughter has a son who my niece has never acknowledged. I have another sister who I get on with, no problems. My daughter is getting married and the invitations are about to go out. Do we invite my sister? There’s no way we want her daughter there. We know it’s going to cause a fuss but considering what’s happened over the past few years I’m hoping deep down other family members will understand. Any thoughts? Thank you.

Does your daughter want to invite her? If not then I wouldn't push her to. Weddings and funerals heighten emotions and I wouldn't want to risk a blow-up.

No, she definitely doesn’t want my niece there and isn’t fussed about my sister either.
Yes, exactly. My daughter has been through enough with her wedding plans over the past twelve months so I don’t want anymore hassle for her.

Invite her only, then the ball is in her court

Are your parents still alive? If so then I'd invite your dsis at least.

Unless you want to go permanently nc but to invite one dsis and not the other would be a rather difficult situation and drag everyone into the saga.

Well ultimately it's your daughter's choice but I'd invite both aunts and their partners and then only the cousins she's close to
If 1st sis asks why her daughter isn't invited, point put they're not close and surely she wouldn't want to come any way

If she doesn’t want to invite them then she doesn’t invite them, what does she want to do?

Why would your daughter invite someone to her wedding that she doesn’t get on with? Madness. And it’s her wedding so there’s no “we” about it.

I’m sure your parents know things are strained. Papering over the cracks for a day is stupid and unnecessary. You and your parents probably had your own weddings and could decide the guest lists for those.

Your daughter needs to be left alone to invite the people she wants at her wedding.

If she doesn't want to invite her aunt or her cousin, let that be her choice. If she wants to invite her aunt but not her cousin, her aunt will have to accept that or not come either.

Nobody else has the right to hassle her about this. As you say, the past year or so has been hard enough on people planning weddings. That includes the wider family. If they host a wedding or have a party, they can invite whoever they like, but they need to respect your daughter's choice.

How big a wedding is it? If the numbers are relatively low then she should only invite people she really wants. If it’s a bigger wedding then it might be a nice gesture to invite her aunt but ultimately it’s her choice.

Are you in contact with this sister at all? If not then don't invite her. If you do have some contact then I'd say invite her. The cousin doesn't have to be invited at all. We only invited a handful of cousins each, despite having loads. We wouldn't be in contact with most of them as they are different ages, live in different countries so we wouldn't even know them that well. Whatever your dd decides then I'd say support her decision.

What does ‘never acknowledged’ mean? What has your niece actually done?

If your Daughter isn't fussed about her aunt and you have a strained relationship with that sister. Just don't.

I get on great with one sister and we both have a difficult relationship with our other sister. My lovely dsis daughter (my fabulous niece) is getting married and due to family pressure the "unpleasant" sister has been invited.

I'll be on avoid mode all day as will most of the family - the withering passive aggressive desperation's to try and get a rise out of people, so she can play victim (repeated history of this). She will insult guests, be a frightful snob and do it with a thin lipped smile. Urgh, I'm just praying she doesn't do or say anything too bad this time.

Ps you are not my sister are you? The nice one that is

Thanks so much for your replies. I do have a little contact with my sister. Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, that sort of thing. Our relationship has never been great. My Mum thinks the world of her which has caused much upset for my other sister and me. My parents are divorced, with my Dad now having a new wife who is lovely. So it’s all a bit complicated. My niece brought my daughter into an argument, blaming her for something she didn’t do. It’s quite ridiculous but my niece told lie after lie about my daughter and played the victim. I’m sorry I can’t go into too much detail - you never know who is reading these things do you?!
My daughter has stated she doesn’t want them there and if I wanted my sister there she’d be ok with that. My other sister has kept out of all this, refuses to take sides etc and I really admire her for that. She has a partner and two sons that will all be invited.
Thanks again for your replies - it really does help xx