Is this normal?

[Blueberrycheesecake1]

Toddler and 5 month old. I spend 70% of the day stressed either worrying about naps or about entertaining toddler. I'm with them alone most of the time 7 days a week. I love them to bits but find it so stressful and often close to tears by end of afternoon if it's been a challenging day. They are actually quite good too behaviour and not terrible sleep wise. Am I being pathetic??

No, it's hard work at that point, but it doesn't last so stay positive. Is nursery for toddler a couple of days a week an option to give you a break?

Sounds pretty normal tbh.

Thanks.. just feels like I am an anxious mess. With moments of great joy followed by high stress when the baby gets tired just when toddler has a meltdown.

Toddler was at nursery 3x a week but it was so traumatic sending them in (crying, running away) that we've changed but only starting in sept. I felt bad doing it when on mat leave. But now they have a tired grumpy mummy instead!

Oh gosh, it's so normal. But I don't mean that to diminish it in any way - I also found it incredibly stressful. Mine are 1.5 and nearly 4 now, so out the other side to some degree, but 5 months with a babe can be so hard - they've stopped just falling asleep in your arms, but they haven't quite learned how to nap independently yet (well my youngest definitely hadn't). My only words of wisdom are that juggling two definitely gets easier as time passes. It's uncomfortable and so hard at times when it's relatively new. Embrace tv for your toddler (or whatever works) whenever you need to put time into napping the baby. I gave myself a really hard time for relying on the tv, but 1.5 years in, I still can't think of any other way it would've worked! And try and really focus on staying calm and positive, and know that this time really really will pass. You can do it x

Thank you so so much for your kind words. Yes I feel terrible about screen time. When we come home first I get asked is can we have videos. I did find it easier when the baby would just sleep in pram while we went to the park. Thank you once again, @yknaps your message resonates and means so much!

Nope spent lots of time anxious and crying until mine started school

That's normal unfortunately

Try to chill more and try to have a little bit of time for yourself (I eat lunch by myself watching some Netflix while keeping an eye on the kids/baby monitor)

Your toddler should have some alone play time. Do you do toy rotation? It keeps them more interested.

@idontlikealdi

Sounds pretty normal tbh.

Really? I could not disagree more.

That shouldn't be normal.

OP is it your first baby? First babies can be tough, it's difficult to know if you're doing the right thing.
Do you suffer from anxiety generally?
Does anxiety effect you in other ways?

@grey12

That's normal unfortunately

Try to chill more and try to have a little bit of time for yourself (I eat lunch by myself watching some Netflix while keeping an eye on the kids/baby monitor)

Your toddler should have some alone play time. Do you do toy rotation? It keeps them more interested.

Normal to be close to tears every afternoon?

Why do people think this is normal?

That's so sad

It was normal for me too on Mat leave with a baby and toddler. So lonely, everyone else was at work, DH worked long hours and started working away regularly when youngest was newborn. The days were so, so long.

It does get better. Will all be worth it.

Totally normal OP! I have a 3.5yo and a 1.5yo and its getting easier now the little one can walk independently and can be trusted to not put everything in his mouth. And my two definitely don't behave or sleep well!!

Things I found helpful:
Wearing the baby in a sling a lot
Going out every day, even if you don't feel like it
Set expectations for doing activities etc reaaaalllly low
Feed them! All the time! Breadsticks are your friend.
Accept that your home is going to be quite messy for the next few years, despite your best efforts
There will be times where you're all crying, it's fine.
It will get easier it will get easier it will get easier

@Blueberrycheesecake1

Thank you so so much for your kind words. Yes I feel terrible about screen time. When we come home first I get asked is can we have videos. I did find it easier when the baby would just sleep in pram while we went to the park. Thank you once again, *@yknaps* your message resonates and means so much!

You are absolutely welcome. Try deep breaths, tv-sponsored alone time or whatever the heck works for moments when it's feeling too much at the end of the day. You're trying your best, and learning as you go. It will continue to change. My non-napping baby is now a shouty toddler, so - less stressful in some ways but more intense (and noisy!) in others. Good luck.

It's normal to find it hard and sometimes exhausting at those ages they are relentless, but I wouldn't say it's normal to be close to tears on a daily basis OP. Might be worth having a chat to your GP about how you are feeling.

No you're not. I found one toddler hard. Believe it or not (I know this sounds mental) you may look back fondly on this time. Maybe it's rose tinted specs but I miss my teenager being little and I felt like you loads. I found that finding a like minded mum to hang out with helped. I was really lucky in that my cousin had a a baby the same time or I would have found it a lot harder. Hang in there. It does get easier 💐

Children are dickheads. They're wonderful, lovely, inspirational, beautiful dickheads.
This is OK. It's their job.

When they're older you will forget about the dickheadness.

My 6yo is mostly an angel. My nearly 2yo is a dickhead (sometimes).

Please don't feel bad. The young years are really tough. (Yeah I know, I've got the older years still to come!) By about 4pm every day I'm counting down the hours until bathtime.

Life gets easier.

Same here 6 month old and toddler, I think I would die if my toddler wasn't in nursery, parents also help out e it's hard work you deserve a medal I know a few other mums who didn't use a nursery and I take my hat off to them.

I pray for synchronised naps but toddler stopped napping at about 18 months 😂

I think you're amazing doing it 7 days a week. I only have both one day a week on my own and find it so hard.

It has got easier since the baby turned 7 months though and naps are more regular and last longer. Definitely less stressful in the day.

Hang on in there!

very normal, very exhausting.

does your toddler ever entertain themselves?
it's a good idea to start training children to do independent play as early as possible.

It can happen, but no it's not normal. Not to be harsh but that doesn't sound enjoyable at all. I have 3 under 4, it does get fraught and crazy but I never feel close to tears. They are loved, fed, mostly happy and content. Disaster naps and bored toddlers who meltdown over a sandwich cut the wrong way is normal however. Parents have to try to forget it and move on!

Yes, completely normal, but I know that doesn't help!

I was the same on maternity leave - had a 2 year old and a newborn & I spent almost all day feeling stressed and like I wanted to scream.

As awful as it sounds, I put the eldest in to nursery 3 days a week as soon as possible. It helped massively.

I don't think it's normal to be close to tears every day. I had two under two, I know it's tough, mine never ever fucking slept and I was permanently exhausted. I googled one day to see how long it would take me to die of sleep deprivation.. I definitely cried once or twice .but I wasn't nearly in tears daily. I think perhaps you need to talk to someone in real life about how you're feeling, GP maybe? Can you get more family support?

It is REALLY hard. Try to be kind to yourself & get little breaks where you can. Being outside always helped me feel slightly more sane.

Thanks everyone will message tonight. Very appreciated. Today is better as partner at home unusually!