To wonder if I have what it takes to be a foster carer?

[Onthewaytoparadise]

It's something that I've thought about on and off for a couple of years, but I've just never had the confidence to go through with it. The process itself is what scares me more than anything, interviews etc. I'm not the best at explaining myself and I worry I might look like an idiot when I answer their questions or talk to them.

For context, I have a back ground in child care. I'm 26 now but have worked with kids since leaving school. I've worked in a number of different settings - schools, playgroups, nurseries and as a nanny. I love kids, I have so much patience for them (wish I was the same with adults ). I live alone and have done for around 4 years now, it's lonely at times. I use to have my friends kids over all the time pre covid, but as I work full time it's become harder. I use to love just having a movie night with them, going to the beach for a walk, going for an ice cream. I don't drink apart from the odd one at Christmas and I've never touched drugs. I'm a home bird at heart. I love just pottering at home.

I know I'm a caring person who can offer a safe/clean/warm home, and I think I'm very responsible but does it take more?
I've done a lot of research about this and found a lot of carers give up after the first year due to many different reasons, one of being not enough support from the council/agency.

Bumping

I’d give it a go if I were you. It sounds like you’d be great at it.
I have no idea of the procedure and rules though.

There's a fostering section here, you might like to ask @MNHQ move your post there

Oh thank you very much @OutLikeLight , I had no idea

I became a short break foster carer when I was 25, very similar background to you. I loved it, I only stopped 12 years later when I had (adopted) my own child. Support from the local authority varies, sometimes it was brilliant, sometimes not so much - depending on which sw I had/budgets/politics!

I’d def recommend it. I had kids whose family/main carers needed a break. They stayed with me regularly anything from a couple of hours to a few weeks. It might be something to seriously consider as a starting point - and you can continue working. Then, if you love it (as I did) you could do more. Most places call it ‘respite’ but that phrase makes my teeth itch

The approval process was really easy - most of the people on the training group were couples who were a lot older than me (at the time!!) and had birth children. But no issues being taken seriously by SW as a young, single carer.

If I went back I’d definitely do it all again

Sounds like you have the good makings of a foster carer.

My only advice would be, and this is based on my experience of working therapeutically with looked after children, children in care need more than the normal level of parenting. Most children in care have experienced some form of trauma and this can present itself in many ways. Sure, you’re able to happily and confidently look after other people’s children for a set time... but can you emotionally commit to looking after children who have high emotional needs. Waking up in the night, nightmares, angry behaviours, detached from you, hateful towards you at times. Not saying all children in care present that way, but there is a lot of emotional work to do. Lots of meetings, extra activities, 24/7 job.

I have all the admiration for foster carers and would hope one day I could be one too, but its not as simple as just taking a child out for a nice day out.
Best of luck to you

I was a foster parent. Go for it. The children need you.
If the children are not the most important part of this then don't do it. Most children in foster care have had bad parenting or other problems. They need someone who accepts them and cares about them.

I've thought of doing something similar OP, i'm moving into a flat with ane xtra bedroom and work from home. I don't have a background in childcare but have grown up looking after my own siblings.

There is no harm in approaching your local council for more information. They will be more than happy to chat to you about the process and what's involved.

Have a think too about if you would prefer to have babies or teens or anything in between, long term short term, there are loads of different options even care leavers looking for a spare room to skip in and someone to help them with their washing!

There are lots of different types of foster carer eg respite (regular or occasional), temporary, long term, emergency. And there is a national shortage of foster carers. If you go through an agency eg barnardos, I believe you get paid more, better support, but perhaps children with more complex needs. If you go through local authority, I believe you get paid less, and caring for children with less complex needs

Suggest you discuss with social work. Our LA host regular info sessions. But I don't think full time fostering is compatible with full time work

You also get mother and baby placements

I work in fostering for a local authority. Yours will almost certainly do information events about fostering, I'd suggest going along to one of those first and you can ask questions and also hear what other people ask, get a realistic idea of expectations. You can always start the process of applying and see what they think. The assessment process is quite indepth but not scary. Based on what you've written, you sound like you could be a good candidate. No one knows exactly what to expect from the start, so don't worry about that. The key is are you curious, reflective, committed?

The only thing I would say is working full time as a single carer may be next to impossible - younger children you'd need to be at home and a lot of older ones may have problems with school etc that mean you need to be able to be flexible. There's also regular meetings that tend to take place in working hours, and family time sessions may be daytime too. However on the flip side generally you can't rely on fostering income and shouldn't base it on that as there will be gaps between placements. I do have carers who claim UC in between though, so I'd suggest heading to an info evening and asking about your specific circumstances.

Finally, I'd personally suggest fostering directly for a local authority rather than an agency. Agencies make profit which just doesn't sit right. We always try to place 'in-house' first so you might expect gaps between placements to be shorter too.

Lots of helpful responses, thank you! It's great to get some advice/information, I'll take all the help I can get. I've filled out the registration form and sent it off, just to get the ball rolling so I will see what happens next. I don't want to get my hopes up. I'm nervous/scared/excited all at the same time.

My only advice would be, and this is based on my experience of working therapeutically with looked after children, children in care need more than the normal level of parenting. Most children in care have experienced some form of trauma and this can present itself in many ways. Sure, you’re able to happily and confidently look after other people’s children for a set time... but can you emotionally commit to looking after children who have high emotional needs. Waking up in the night, nightmares, angry behaviours, detached from you, hateful towards you at times. Not saying all children in care present that way, but there is a lot of emotional work to do. Lots of meetings, extra activities, 24/7 job.

This is so true. A family member fosters "looked after" children for varying amounts of time and up to age 16. Some of these children are so emotionally damaged, I don't know how she copes. She's a special soul who "gets" them and offers unconditional and amazing care but I worry about her because she also mentors and supports other fosterers and I fear absorbing so much stress and unhappiness over the years will affect her in the long term.

She's paid well though.