How to motivate a bright teen disengaged with school

[camberwellred]

Hello. My 14yo (currently year 9) ds is a bright kid who flew in primary, enjoys competition, is academic, sporty and very social. However since starting his secondary school his love of learning has dulled, hugely. School reports are mediocre but okay. I have rarely seen him ignited by his work throughout this time.

Throughout the pandemic I wanted to ensure his mental health was the priority, he wasn't refusing the work and sat the whole day on class zooms, so from my perspective he seemed to be ticking along. However having contacted his form tutor/English teacher (English was his former strongest subject) following a behaviour incident yesterday (he was logged for wearing faded trousers which I'm struggling with...) and the fact they've cancelled the DofE for next year which he was actually keen on doing (even though the neighbouring school are currently doing theirs) she's just dropped in the fact he's been completely disengaged since the start of year 9 and has a complete lack of interest. It was quite strongly worded.

I feel a bit cross that this hasn't been addressed before now. I'm worried that he's about to begin his GCSE'S and take this through when he's capable of doing do well. I'm cross that ticking him off for his uniform in front of his form group about a pair of faded trousers is a priority right now and how that is in anyway helpful. And I'm cross that the dofE has been cancelled as he has never been picked int he lottery to go on any of the school trips and this would've been great.

I'm also however balancing communicating with him as hormones are rife and he will fly off the handle if he feels under threat. So it's balancing a bit of a wake up call for him alongside the guilt of just hoping he's doing ok amidst a crazy time where he'd spent large parts of this year like many other teens completely isolated... Any advice to ground me on what to do/how to behave/how to help motivate him would be warmly welcomed! TIA x

Hi op, my dc are much younger but I was just speaking to Sil who has said the exact same thing about my dn who is also 14yo. He seems to have no other issues in school such as bullying or friends, it's just that his grades have been dropping and seeming very disinterested. I think the online schooling and isolation had alot to do with it. I agree it's ridiculous to be picking petty issues over trousers. Hopefully you get more useful answers.

Thanks Zari29 I'm tempted to put a strongly worded email to the Head about the uniform issue. Post pandemic when many people are struggling with cash - why he has launched a week long crackdown on uniform is just beyond me. As if it's a priority for parents at this stage of the term to go and buy new uniform for a matter of a couple of weeks. Surely they should be happy the kids are actually just turning up and learning, unless i'm missing something!

DS was like this when he was in Y10 during the first lockdown. His motivation levels were low and we focussed on his mental health as a priority and he did minimal schoolwork. He has now finished Y11 and caught up under his own steam and is predicted grades 8-9 on everything bar one 6. I honestly think we wouldn't have approached this any differently if we could do it again.

Kids have missed out on huge aspects of their development during the lockdown, both at school and socially. Vital elements have been lost at a time when they are also struggling with hormones. It's been really hard for them and it's not a time to be focussing on academic achievement. They deserve praise just for getting through it and coming out the other side.

It's also worth mentioning that DS is now being assessed for the inattentive form of ADHD which became more evident during the lockdown and how he didn't cope with the lack of structure in his day. Because he is bright but was achieving, it didn't get picked up. So something to consider as it often applies to boys who are described as "bright but lazy".

BonnesVacances I'm so happy to hear your son has been recognised for the understanding and support he requires and that he has turned it around. I'll check out the ADHD thank you. I'm cross with the way the school seems to be handling it also...

The uniform obsession tends to be negatively correlated with the quality of the school management and teaching. It’s June, why is this the first you’re hearing of him being disengaged since the start of year 9?

I wouldn’t contact the school about the uniform, it could only fuel his disengagement. It does sound like a very minor infringement, but if he broke the policy, he needs to accept that.

The Duke of Edinburgh thing is also disappointing, but again comparing his school to another will also add to his disengagement. Are there conversations happening in your house where the school is criticised? This all affects a young persons opinion.

You could talk with your son gently and ask him how he feels he is getting on in school, and what he could to to improve his engagement.

Thanks MiddleParking I don't know why I'm being informed now at the end of the year, also it was only slipped in when I enquired as to how he was doing, so I'd like to follow this up and find out ...

Thanks DragonDoor We don't talk negatively about his school in front of him and will be very careful not to do so regarding the above issues also. I will do my best to carefully have a chat with him, which I try as and when it's needed to do, however his hormones have been off the chart and gets upset incredibly easily so even with returning attempts it doesn't seem to advance/filter through...