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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Meeting Nanny

14 replies

HobNob80 · 17/06/2021 16:25

Hello,

Before I start, please note I am just asking and not at all reluctant to reimburse. I just wanted some opinions.

I am meeting a potential nanny tomorrow who I have found via one of the websites.

We agreed we would meet for a coffee first so we could speak face to face, and she was eager to do this soon as she is looking for something asap. She doesn't live far from me, so we originally agreed to meet half way, but then she said she is happy to come closer to me as I need to get back quickly for my twins who my husband will be looking after before he starts work. This is very kind of her as i didn't ask.

I will of course purchase whatever she would like to eat ./ drink. Should I also offer to pay for her time / travel - or is this just a mutual meeting and chat.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 17/06/2021 16:27

Paying for refreshments is nice
I wouldn’t expect to be paid for my time or travel going to an interview of any sort - that’s part of job hunting

Aprilx · 17/06/2021 16:29

I haven’t had travel costs reimburse since I was a student going for interviews for first job. I would expect (as you say) that you would pay for any food or drink.

OlivesTree · 17/06/2021 16:30

As long as you are within the same city, I wouldn’t reimburse.

TwoLeftElbows · 17/06/2021 16:35

If it's not far I don"t think you need to pay for time or travel. I'd offer cake though!

Twinmammaplusone · 17/06/2021 16:36

Just pay for the coffee. If/ when she does settling in sessions at your house you will need to pay for her time.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 17/06/2021 16:39

You should buy the coffee, and I'd offer her a cake/snack too, but there's no need to pay for her travel or time unless you ask her for a more formal trial with the children.

Don't forget to get and check references when you hire a nanny! Good luck.

motogogo · 17/06/2021 16:53

I would suggest paying for coffee & cake, if same city no to travel, if another Tuen offer to reimburse the train fare if expensive

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2021 17:06

You say she doesn’t live far from you so no need be pay travel

Tho what do you class as far as also said would originally meet half way

Why would you do that if a few miles

Def pay for refreshments. Ask her what she would like

If you do settling in days /play with twins then pay her fir time

Original poster
HobNob80 · 17/06/2021 17:47

Thanks All, yes of course I will offer any food / cake along with coffee, and reimburse if she comes to the house to spend time with babies, I do class that as working

She lives about 15 / 20 minute drive, and she offered to come to the high street close to me which is probably an additional 5 - 10 minute drive for her, so I appreciate that as it makes a difference to me in the morning as I need to get back to my twins and husband needs to log into work, also eliminates risk any delays for me in case of traffic etc. I do think the effort on her part is very kind and I appreciate it - so i want to do the right thing as i already like her!

@Blondeshavemorefun '"Ask her what she would like'" of course I am going to ask her what she would like , why would I just pick. Thank you for stating the obvious and reminding me why I dont post on mumsnet.
In regard to your accusing tone for your question: "Why would you do that if a few miles'. Please read my first paragraph. No one is doing anything bad here !

Everyone else, thank you !

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2021 18:05

My reply was well meaning

As in don’t let the nanny go up and get her own drink

Trust me it happens at interviews!!

Usually the nanny would go to the famillies house hence Why I asked how far away if meeting in the middle

Original poster
HobNob80 · 17/06/2021 18:24

Thanks - no, of course I won't let her go up. With Covid, and in general, we thought it be best to meet first before coming to visit home. I genuinely do really like her so far and want to treat fairly. From what I have seen in my search, good nannies are in demand, and it's both ways, so I want her to see us as being fair too and choose our family if it comes to that! She will potentially after all be looking after the most important little people in my life.

These are my first (and last !) babies, and my first hiring of a nanny. Slightly off topic, based on some of the responses above, if we both get on, would it make sense to have a settling in period? It is a night nanny I am looking for, in which case should I arrange on settling in during day time. Appreciate any suggestions, especially from any nannies here or anyone who has a nanny

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity, thank you, yes I hadn't asked for references over phone / text yet, but will ask when we meet.

Thank you

OP posts:
ScottishNewbie · 17/06/2021 18:46

Hi!

I was a professional, qualified nanny for a long time.
Definitely don't need to pay for her travel or time for the interview, or even the coffee really, but it will be appreciated.
It's also normal for once she gets the job you to offer a small contribution to her travel. E.g 50p per mile. This would go in the contract. Some people don't do this and that's also fine, but she may ask so be prepared.

A settling in period of three months is normal, almost like a probation period. Please do have a contract!
You're likely to have teething problems and three months is a great amount of time for you both to settle in, find each other's rhythm and the children to build a rapport with her.
As you're looking for a night nanny, things are slightly different so you could make the probation shorter if you wished. A lot of her job will be solo and with sleeping children.

My biggest tip is don't be overly nice. Be realistic.
If in your ideal world you'd like her to fold laundry while the children sleep then tell her in the interview.
My last job that actually made me quite nannying was awful. The mother said it would be very relaxed, no mention of housework etc.
By the end I was doing the job of a housekeeper, plus cooking 5 nights a week haha.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2021 18:48

I’m a maternity nurse /night nanny - been one 11yrs

Tbh I don’t think I have ever had a trial period /settling in for night work

Sometimes if parents aren’t sure they may book fir say two weeks then extend, but they are also then in the risk of losing me if say a new family wanted 2/3mths to start after the 2w if first family haven’t rebooked

I have never worked days for them as I only work nights

Hope that makes sense

Main thing is that your check her ref, dbs and ask if she has first aid and pli

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/06/2021 18:49

Plus mn/night nannies are usually self employed , rather then A nanny who you employ

So she will give you her terms of business

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