To ask how those of you with little/no support network cope?

[Greyrootszerohoots]

Baby born just before lockdown, dh terminally ill, unable to work though does try with childcare. Made redundant after coming off mat leave early (needed to return to work as dh couldn’t). Setting up a business, going well but pressure of keeping household finances afloat heavy. DC in nursery 4 mornings but can’t realistically afford more. No family or close (childcare-offering) friends nearby. I am exhausted and taking time for myself just isn’t possible right now.

How do people cope? I’m feeling thoroughly conned by being a woman / motherhood!

We pay. You haven't got that option which is tough. You could try Homestart maybe? Are there charities for your DH's condition which might help?

Have you applied for any benefits if people have a terminal illness they are fast tracked. Plus agree with getting in touch with a charity that supports your DH illness. There is a really good volunteers centre in my town. I volunteered a few years ago and did stuff like get shopping for housebound people and sat with a very frail lovely woman who was in her nineties when her DH had a hospital appointment. Sorry to hear your having such a tough time.

Gosh, I am sorry to hear about your DH

I wonder if it’s maybe just a good time to not pressure yourself? I know easier said than done but do you need to set the business up now?

With great difficulty. But one pearl of wisdom I was told that I have kept in mind over the years was that if you are giving 100% and it is still not enough then give 95% and take that 5% for you to recharge your batteries. So, basically, make sure that when your dd is in nursery allocate some of that time to you rather than giving it all to caring for your dh and managing your business.

I throw money at the problem, which is expensive and not a viable long term plan but its working for now.

Thank you all for your kind words. I hadn’t thought about contacting charities (I suppose I’ve never seen myself as needing charity!) but that is a good idea.

My DH gets pip and we get some universal credit, but I’m not very good at the balancing act of earning the ‘right amount’. We’ve never been in this position before and I’ve always had a work hard mindset, so the thought of turning clients away to get more UC just doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m seeing an accountant next week and hopefully they’ll help me find ways to better manage the business and have a bit more money to throw at the problem. I’m also considering employing someone so I have better capacity to grow the business without completely burning out.

I’m conscious this is a temporary state and things will get easier when DC a little older.

@OneinNine that is the most wonderful advice, thank you. I’m going to make a real effort to grab my 5%!