I struggle with being assertive generally (nervous of upsetting people) but I am trying to get better.
Yesterday I met a dear friend in the city for lunch and drinks.
He said he would meet me at 12 and leave around 5. Fine. I figured we'd have enough time to eat, enjoy the sun,get a bit merry then home.
However as itapprached 5 he said he wanted to have a few more drinks.
I'm not great at drinking although happy to be a bit tipsy, absolutely hate being drunk. I thought after 5 I'd get the train home and have an evening to myself. I was ready for home but thought no big deal I'll have a couple more but that's it.
Then he wouldn't leave. I said come on,let's go to the train station and he said no I can't be bothered with trains I'll get a taxi. So I said fine but I want to go home and don't want to pay for a taxi,come with me to train station and you can get a taxi from there if you want? He finally agreed but darted into another pub on the way. I followed him, annoyed and went to tell him I was going and he'd already ordered me a drink!
I said 'Friend I've had enough,I'm feeling too drunk now, I need to go home'.
He said fine ill stay here.
However...
He's prone to getting drunk and falling over and injuring himself. He's also been very ill recently (similar to a stroke) and has become even worse with his balance. I would have felt terrible if I'd have left and anything happened to him.
Also, he was in my nearest city, not near his, good hour away,doesn't know it well. In an unfamiliar place and I just felt it was unfair to dump him there?
In the end, I realised he wasn't budging and I got a lift from a very generous friend and told him to come with me if he wasn't going to get the train he was as well to get a taxi from my house where he would be safer to.
He didn't leave until i feined going to bed.
I'm now upset because I dont like being drunk,& I was. I'd had enough and told him I had, and feel that should have been acknowledged by him, and I feel I've been sort of cheated out of an evening to myself, and feel he lied about what the day would be like.
Had he said 'let's go out and get absolutely inebriated all night' that would have been accurate! (& I'd have said no!)
It's a shame as we get along well, he's very caring normally and up until this, we had had a really lovely time and I feel it ruined it
How would you have navigated this please? I will probably meet with him again at some point but I don't want a repeat.
He has apologised for 'messing me around' as he sees it. I know im going to get told I'm wet,I admit that! TIA :)