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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

5 year old separation anxiety with DH

1 reply

B0YS · 17/06/2021 10:36

I’ve had a disagreement with my husband over this & I don’t know if I should eat humble pie but this situation is so bloody frustrating.

Nearly 6 year old DS has massive separation anxiety with his dad. DH works shifts 7-7 2 days & 2 nights then 6 off. He gets a huge amount of time with the children, much more than your average dad. He sees DS when he comes home from work for bedtime & obviously for nights he’ll see him in the morning when he gets home & also evening for a few hours before work.

DH has always said how much he dislikes going to work, he wants to stay at home with DS, he misses DS etc which I feel has really fed into this anxiety. After the worse night we’ve had (DS crying for hours wanting one of us there & crying about his dad going to work, still not asleep at 12 and up at 5 shouting out of the window when DH had left the house) I’m just so frustrated at this situation & I'm telling DH to stop being so silly & making a big deal out of going to work FFS. It’s work, it’s normal, everyone goes to bloody work.

This has been going on for about a year now. He isn’t like this with me at all but the difference is I work from home so although not there, I’m in the house. I’m currently on mat leave and have been since March so I guess I currently don’t work. DH thinks he’s like this because I’m always there so he expects DH to be too & it’s not DH’s fault as he does tell him he has to go to work & reasons why etc etc.

AIBU?

Also, how the hell can we help this? Do you have any practical tips? It’s just gotten worse & worse. DS was in with me & the baby at 5.30 this morning. I stayed with him last night for a while trying to console him while DH got a shower. I really don’t know where to go with this & neither does DH.

As fo not drip feed he is a sensitive child & I was too, I remember crying at the school gate not wanting my mum to leave well into junior school…

OP posts:
HairyFeline · 17/06/2021 10:57

Maybe a calendar would help? Help your boy mark DFs work days on it and then add some activities on days off (park/footie). Could your boy help make DFs packed lunch or something else work-ready so he is actively involved in sending him off? DF needs to stop making a big deal about it in front of DS: that’s not going to help. Big hugs, see you after work. It could be DS feels out of the loop and out of control, like everything is happening around him, with no say in it. He’s 5 now so having a little job to do that’s “his” might help. Draw a cartoon strip story, too, about the transition time: that might help him process it and give him certainty.
I feel your pain though! Very difficult. Best of luck, OP.

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