AIBU to think being managed out is worse than getting sacked

[whatisforteamum]

Been in my current place 4 yrs.The last 18 months with another boss who seems to have taken a dislike to me over the lockdown.The other women have gone leaving just me and all guys.
I have been left out of things and a camaraderie has built up with the men since we returned.Subtle things.I have struggled to return as I was severely depressed for a month or two and received help however I am never off sick so I dragged myself in and forced myself to cope with the chronic anxiety.
Now my mood has lifted a lot I am getting comments about people being trainees.
I have decades of experience and I have never been made to feel unwanted or unwelcome.
Actually I did have this once before from a new manager who wanted school leavers.
It is so draining.Why don't bosses just tell employees what is wrong than this behaviour.
Most of the team support me except this boss and a newbie who has admitted to wanting my job.
I have been offered other jobs recently and have 2 more to apply for.
Why is this insidious behaviour allowed ?

Why is this insidious behaviour allowed ?

Because it's complicated and potentially expensive to fire someone nowadays for a good reason never mind just a general dislike.

Much easier to make them uncomfortable in subtle unprovable ways so they leave voluntarily.

If I were you, I'd look into whether you have a case for claiming constructive dismissal. If they make your life so bad that you have no choice but to leave you can get compensation as if they dismissed you.

Do you have a union? I would be going to my union for advice and support in the situation you describe.

I know my boss doesn't want to work with women and wants to choose a team we were all like a family previously and got on really well which he has admitted has been hard.
I'm never late or off and my last appraisal was all 5 out of 5 in all areas.
Some of the remarks have been cutting and it is hard to not let it affect my self esteem.
No no union .

@LadyPoison you have hit the nail on the head.

Misogynists such as the OPs boss have plenty of role models, sadly.

Because it is so difficult to sack someone. Managing people is often quicker as the employee hands their notice in.

Its not great, but sometimes needs must

It is a bit of a shocker when all my other employers treated me with respect for my great work ethic.
I became depressed depite keeping a routine healthy eating and exercise and have swiftly turned it around as I was having suicidal thoughts about returning.

YANBU OP. There are procedures which have to be followed to fire someone but this kind of subtle bullying behaviour can carry on for no reason at all and can make people's lives miserable. It can never be proved and it would be very easy to make out that you're just being overly sensitive or paranoid. YANBU.

I'm going through similar.
Can you keep a diary and speak to HR ?
It rubbish , I'm looking for another job , but really angry that I feel I have to.

I would leave as soon as I was offered another good job. You can't change a toxic culture on your own - it looks as though your boss is grooming the newcomer, if he feels he can make it known he's after your job. I'm so sorry - you'll feel much better if you do leave.

That’s not being managed out, it’s sneaky bullying.

Yes inthedrunktank.
A subtle all boys club that I don't have the appendage for.
At least I have great rapport with all the newcomers in another department.
I've always been the only woman in the majority of my workplaces but always felt valued.

It sounds really shitty OP, I’m sorry

Brendabigbaps I know they returned a couple of days before me and my boss has done some very sneaky unethical things before as he has told me in conversations.
He normally gets his own way by whatever means.
I know there is subtle gossip and underming of me.
I would prefer a chat in the office about my performance.

You'll end up banging your head on the desk, though. He won't admit that he doesn't like you because you're female. He's not daft - he can't admit to that. So he'll try to find other reasons.

It sounds like a horrible environment. Any chance of working in the other department?

Jsl52 I'm sorry you are going through similar.
I always rise above this sort of thing.Rota changes. No problem, menial shit jobs,yes I can do that.
It is just a situation I have hardened myself to.
Shame I have to.😪

YANBU, I had 4 great years with a previous employer and 6 miserable ones culminating in me leaving.
It affected me worse than a bereavement in some ways and its taken a long time to get over it.
My employer is a darling of the tech industry, not a day goes by without them tweeting about how sustainable they are or how diverse and inclusive they are - until you get a boss that hates you, that is.

I managed to get some cash out of them in return for trashing my career.

They made me an offer which they said they thought was fair and reasonable (after all they are an ethical beacon etc) - i asked for triple that and we settled on just over double - so their initial offer was them being cheap as usual..

I am not allowed to speak about what actually happened - part of the agreement, but it caused ripples through my life and family for years.

Meanwhile my employer pretends to be a groovy ethical workplace.

OP - go and see an employment lawyer now. Raise a grievance immediately and follow whatever stupid policy they have about that. You won't gain anything from that, its just process.
You're leaving this job, but you need to get the maximum financial benefit you can ready for the next phase.

Dynamokev sorry to hear this.
I hate it when companies don't practice what they preach.
Ours send mental health info by email yet I know people are on zero hours and would be gone if they were off sick.!

No chance hollowtalk however it is nice to see friendly smiling faces.
Thank you all for the replies.

Tech companies are definitely the worst for making out they are wonderful inclusive employers! They are usually the one’s who adopt bullying strategies to force staff to resign. I worked for a telecoms company like this, about 20 years ago and was sacked for gross misconduct because the bullying caused me to have a mental breakdown and I was off work for months and my 13 year career was finished at the age of 32