Using AIBU for traffic .
I’ve absolutely no idea what I do in this scenario and don’t have family to ask .
DM is 55, she has significant mental illness and other disabilities . I’m having therapy at the moment - therapist suggested my mum could be autistic . She struggles with executive functioning, socialising, household routines, communication, and has been in a bit of a fog for several years. I actually thought she had some sort of dementia as did a few relatives, but that’s been assessed and been told they’re pretty sure it isn’t that . She’s had brain scans, and tests that were all normal .
Went away with her this weekend and she couldn’t remember how to shower because we weren’t at home - as if she couldn’t process all the necessary steps - I had to help her to find clothes, toiletries, and talk her through each step . It was the exact same trying to pack for said weekend - she had no ability to forward plan . This issue isn’t apparent at home - but therapist said could be compensatory strategies she’s using at home.
I am doing 99% of household stuff for her eg shopping, meals, cleaning, bills, finances, phone calls, appointments, making sure she has what she wants and needs . She doesn’t take control of anything .
She no longer actively contacts anyone - eg family, friends - it’s me that has to do that, and she won’t start a conversation with me much - won’t choose a TV programme, won’t talk about anything without me starting and doesn’t seem to remember what I’m discussing with her .
Won’t phone anyone . Won’t use Facebook etc . Says she can’t see (optician said this isn’t the case, no eyesight issues) and has word finding difficulties . Has very obvious massive difficulties with circumlocution (I think) - if I say can you pass me x she just stares around the room and says she can’t do it .
She says very odd things; not very often but it’s as if events have gotten tangled on her mind: she would tell you she’s worked in every ‘x’ in a 50 mile radius (not true), she thinks she’s lived all round the world (also not true); she talks oddly about relatives as if she’s gotten every relative confused into one; she seems to forget things have happened then suddenly remembers . Her friend died four years ago - every so often it’s like she remembers again and gets very distressed .
I’m a total loss of what to do . I’ve contacted GP (hers) who said as its mental illness (anything else not yet diagnosed) and she’s only 56 it isn’t her remit, it’s for charities . Therapist (who works in GP surgery) said this is nonsense, there’s plenty of help and GP needs to do more ... told me to go back and ask again .
When I’ve pulled back previously there’s been overdoses and police and all sorts . So I’m wary of reducing support .
Therapist said I have to ask for help and said she thought some sort of residential care might be most appropriate, but I don’t know where and who to ask . Mum would be devastated to lose her home and would never forgive me .
I did an econsult with GP - said not worried . Mental health team said not concerned . I am though, I’m sleeping with one ear open most nights as I don’t know what’s happening and I’m knackered . I can’t manage the entire house alone but I am . Even stuff like washing; if I don’t check there’s soap powder in the tumble drier or same washing goes round six times or something like that .
I haven’t got a clue what to do . I feel lonely, guilty, tired, sad and terrified and exhausted . When I think about it I have a sickening sense of this is actually a dementia, as it’s been getting worse for 5 years, every so often I just lie in bed and cry as I have a horrible feeling of how this is going to go - but I’m not sure; all I know is I’m knackered and can’t keep this going much longer . Where do I go? Who do I ask?