Workplace dilemma

[waytheleaveswork]

I have worked in the same office for 10 years. Great relationships with my colleagues, I work hard and get good feedback regularly.

My two line managers are much more 'off the cuff' and last minute with decision making and deadlines which change constantly. I try and go with the flow but this makes planning and time management difficult.

I asked one of my line managers for some clarity about a new deadline after lots of my less experienced colleagues were unclear about it, and explained that I didn't understand how it fits in with our current schedule. There was another person nearby who chipped in something similar.

He emailed me afterwards telling me that what I said was 'a bit hostile' and 'not nice'. I'm so upset and confused. I apologised immediately but it's left a bitter taste.

AIBU here? Is it unprofessional to ask questions? Do I just shut up and take the slap down even though this way of working is impacting how well i can do my job?

All perspectives welcome.

You shouldn’t have apologised. He was feeling threatened which is why he said what he said. I’m similar to you in that I can’t stand disorganisation which impacts on my ability to do my job efficiently. I regularly make a point of telling my line manager about what difficulties it causes and I don’t really care whether she feels thats me being hostile or not. It doesn’t sound like you were unprofessional in what you said. He’ll get over it.

Thank you. I think you're right.

It's impossible to know without hearing how you said it and exactly what you said. I would ask for specific feedback about why what you said was hostile and ask how it's best to raise queries in future.

Is this maybe less about what you said and more about how you said it op?

You can ask clarifying questions in a way that does not come across as unpleasant and hostile. Only you know if you did this in a professional querying pleasant way or how he read it, to be hostile and unpleasant.

Based on the fact you don’t like how your managers work, is it likely he has a point?

I would email back and say:

‘so sorry that I have come across as hostile to you. That sincerely wasn’t my intent.
In future when I have questions, would you prefer if I put it to you in an email?’

He’s clearly a bit of a twit, so I don’t there is any point in being angry or frustrated in your response. Just spoon fed the moron until maybe something clicks and he realises he needs to manage.

You sound capable, why are you not a line manger?

Yes I completely agree 're the tone of it. I am always very upfront if I have a question and I think he sees this as undermining.

I said clearly that it didn't make sense to be prioritising this new deadline and I know that many others agree with me.

I don't want to line manage even though I could probably do it - I like my current role.

I emailed him to apologise straightaway for any offense. We are usually good friends, but there was a nasty edge to his email and it has thrown me a bit tbh. I felt like I was being stamped down.

It may be the way you said it, though his feedback sounds much more like it’s him feeling defensive (because a half-competent manager would try and find out why a subordinate was feeling hostile, not just slap them down for it).

Does the sort of work you do necessitate changing timelines a lot or is this really just the managers’/the company’s disorganisation? If the latter, have you considered changing jobs? Because it sounds like it detracts a lot from the enjoyment and satisfaction you get from your work and you are very unlikely to be able to change the way your current managers/company work.

He's threatened by you because you're more capable than he is. Never apologise again for something that doesn't require an apology.

Yeah the changing timelines are a result of the managers, not the nature of the work.

Up until now, there are enough positives about my current work place and I am well respected. But their way of working has become more obstructive this year with covid.

I think I feel so upset by this because I thought we we had a good relationship and clearly he finds me very dislikeable.

I had something similar recently. I was specifically told to ask questions more as I hadn’t been doing so and I’m new in the role. I had a task to do and I asked the band 6 for guidance (won’t bore you with what it was) Cue her snitching to the band 7 that I’d done said task without asking first 🙄 I truly did not! And when the band 7 tried telling me off I said ‘woah, back up there, that’s definitely not what happened’ So it seems I’m dammed if I do, dammed if I don’t. People are so odd.

What did the band 7 say when you held your ground?

Would he have told another man he was "hostile" and "not very nice" I wonder?

@dramalamma

Would he have told another man he was "hostile" and "not very nice" I wonder?

No, my thoughts exactly.

The fact he emailed you instead of coming to talk to you shows you he’s a coward and he probably knows you are right.

Yeah I'm annoyed at myself for not standing up for my self now.

Eurgh. Just can't win.