How weird is it to fantasise about friends?

[Iamapanda]

Does anyone else do this?? I'm female and when I have sex with my male partner I fantasise that I am with my friend, who is also female. Also if I'm alone.

It's just one friend, it's happened before though with a different friend, also female a few years ago. Like I can't stop thinking about them.

I still fancy my partner, he is wonderful but we've been together 20 years so am I bored?

Do I need help or is this in any way normal?

@TedMullins

Okay, it sounds like it’s more than a passing fantasy if you actually have feelings for her. Perhaps you are bi? There’s nothing wrong with that if you are. I’m bi, but it took me til my late 20s to actually realise it and embrace it. As for being in the wrong relationship… well, only you know that. I don’t think fantasising about other people while you’re married is a sign in itself that you’re in the wrong relationship, fantasies are normal - but if you feel your connection to or attraction to your partner is lacking that’s something only you can work out

This is it. We have a better sex life than ever really. I love him very much. Just feel guilty that I'm wanking over my mate! Guilty to him and to her

I'm also not one to have fantasies about celebrities, even though I've read lots of posts on MN about celebrity crushes. Never had one!

That earlier list of fantasies is from a recognized journal, and it's many hundreds of people, but still I find it a bit surprising when I read through the list.

None of these are on my list. So I feeling kind of left out!!

• Watching 2 men have sex 10%
• Being forced to have sex 29%
• Group sex ... various types adding up to very high percentages!
• Anal sex 32%

The list:
www.businessinsider.com/what-women-fantasize-about-2014-11?r=US&IR=T

@TwoBrownSugars, I think it's very personal, and you'd be surprised :)

I'd assume that for some women looking at 2 men, is like a man looking at 2 women. I'd has assume that was a common one?

The "forced sex" is a tricky one. That whole area is a minefield, and I wonder how people really interpreted the question.

It's an interesting list! The whole paper with the methodology and context is available as PDF here: oraprdnt.uqtr.uquebec.ca/pls/public/docs/FWG/GSC/Publication/3702/524/11026/1/341972/6/O0001238633_What_Exactly_Is_an_Unusual_Sexual_Fantasy.pdf

Nothing shocking for me in that list. I think the fantasy about pop stars and celebrity is more a teen thing?

I've never had a fantasy about female friends, but over many years I have to male friends, colleagues, BIL, long ago exes. All while very happily married! If only my wonder DH knew

If only my wonderful DH knew

@Iamapanda, I would expect that is in the realms of normal.

I remember reading a book in my teens by Nancy Friday (my older sister had it). I remember thinking at the time WOW It opened my mind (and other things!) to a lot of different stuff. I should try find the book online, I'd expect I consider it fairly tame in light of the mainstream media stuff today maybe

When I'm with my DH I'm always mentally with him, never thinking it was someone else... male or female!

The Nancy Friday book Women on Top "was heavily criticized for its graphic and sensational content." It certainly seemed like that to me when I read it, but that was a long time ago.

If you are concerned OK, this book might be an interesting read www.amazon.com/Billion-Wicked-Thoughts-Internet-Relationships-ebook/dp/B004LRPJ3G?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It is a no. Especially not people I know.

Sexuality is massively complicated. I dont think it's that weird. How often does it happen? Are you ok with it?

I assumed all women liked two men.

I never fantasise about people I know unless I actually fancy them. I do fantastise about women sexually but I am bisexual (married to a man though). I'd never fantastise about my female friends - it would feel really weird as they are like my sisters (but I don't fancy any of them anyway).

I’ve never fantasised about a woman, the idea turns me right off and dries everything up. Sounds like you have repressed desires.

I fantasize about women a lot and watch lesbian porn too but it is definitely just fantasy for me. I have slept with a woman a few times and it wasn't really my thing. I do think these fantasies are very normal although it does sound like it might be a bit more than just a fantasy for you?

How do you know if something is a fantasy or a real thing though?? I mean, how do I know if I'm in the wrong relationship?

Do you think if you were both single and the opportunity arose to have sex with them or be in a relationship with them you would do it? Because for me the answer is a definite no and that's how I know it's such a passing fantasy.

I fantasise about women when I masturbate and sometimes when I have sex with my (male) partner. I would say that I am either bisexual or bi-curious but I am very happy with my partner and have no plans to explore sex with a woman. I do sometimes think that if I was younger I would have experimented more with women but when I was young and single you were either straight or gay, and most gay women were quite masculine looking, which is not a look that turns me on.

Fantasising about friends is fine. Whether you tell them is another matter.

I was in my early 30s, when l discovered my bi renaissance. It all started with an invite for a pizza and a video when working away from home, it took me quite by surprise. Never saw the end of the film either!
Early 40s now and comfortable with who l am.

I regret not discovering earlier though.