Things in books that instantly made you put it down

[IronTeeth]

I was reading a book, and it was OK (not brilliant, but had some interesting maybe potential.... and then this (image)

Ooh, you smell fresh, innocent like a good egg... not like a nasty spoiled one...

(The first in the Half-Moon Hollow series is “wry, delicious fun” (Susan Andersen, New York Times bestselling author) as it follows a librarian...)

Yes. I had to put The Dice Man down at page 10 or so. The decision the dice was used to make was so incredibly horrible that I couldn’t read more.

Historical novels where the men go off to sign up for war as soon as it's declared and are on a train to France the next day. With no training and in uniforms that appeared by magic presumably.

I can think of 2 bestselling authors who have done this and it completely ruined both books for me because I didn't have any belief in anything that happened after that.

@user1471592953

Yes. I had to put The Dice Man down at page 10 or so. The decision the dice was used to make was so incredibly horrible that I couldn’t read more.

Oh my gosh, I tried to read that book too. It was the worst pile of misogynistic crap I had ever had the misfortune to encounter.

I know it was published in 1971 and the world was a different country then, but nothing can excuse such vile writing.

I read a book recently that used all kinds of strange metaphors and similes - some of them worked, but most of them really didn't. One character was described as "wrapping his entire face round [a] memory", like his head was a giant tortilla or something. Another one from the same book described the protagonist's clothes pinching, 'like a room for of elderly aunts' - it was like something Adrian Mole would write.

@GloriousMystery
Sounds like you should write a spoof version of this type of book.

If they all get diabetes at the end/blown up by a faulty gas oven, I'd read it.

Nearly all recent historical fiction.

The Cows by Dawn O'Porter.

One of the main characters w*nks off on a train and gets caught. I'm not a prude but I just couldn't imagine any woman I know doing this and it put me right off. I did go back to the book later on and did actually enjoy it but that scene... well, I just didn't get it.

FYI She was a female character.

The author using 'there was' rather than 'there were'.

I hate unrealistic speech, especially when characters use each others' names all the time.

Dave, do you want a coffee? Oh, and Dave, I said to Susan you'd fix her fence. What do you think Dave?

Dave, are you still there? Have you run away, Dave, because I incessantly use your name despite you being the only other person in the room?

Dave?

Dave?

[quote Waitwhat23]@ThatLibraryMiss I think I've seen it mentioned on a similar thread that some editors prefer the use of words like sidewalk in order to not 'alienate' American audiences. Seems odd to me - I find it interesting to find out about different cultures etc.[/quote]
Americans are known for getting really pissed off if they have to encounter non US-English words.

Trust me. Had many debates about this with my American co-author!

Laurie R King's screechingly self-insert protagonist and subsequent denigration of Watson in The Beekeeper's Apprentice. Never touched another in that series since. People who have tell me it gets even worse.

@Whatup

The only thing that have been keeping my attention reading wise is Phillipa Gregory. Historical drama at its best.

Just as long as you don't want any inconvenient historical fact with your fiction...

@InpatientGardener

The author using 'there was' rather than 'there were'.

Stella Duffy did an infill story for Ngaio Marsh's Alleyn books, set in NZ. She had a character saying "could of", which is just wrong.

Anybody non-white being the colour of coffee or chocolate.

The Slap
I hated it. It was anything that could possibly happen in a book all happened within the first few chapters. Too much! Just firing every scenario in to up the drama.
I was on holidays with no kindle so getting up from my deck chair by the pool and throwing a book into the bin was a big move. I dreaded running out of books on holidays but that wasn't enough to make me persevere with that awful book.

Book about the Holocaust and in the first chapter the author describes how a nazi soldier enters a house and throws a crying baby onto a fire.

It took me by complete shock and I felt physically sick, I literally threw the book onto the floor. I still feel traumatised from reading the words and instantly imagining the situation. Feel nauseous writing this to be honest.

'I couldn't continue with a Kate Atkinson novel because it starts with the murder of a family. The baby boy was the same age as my baby boy at the time.'

I know the book you mean and I like you I had a baby the same age.

I never finished the book and in fact never picked up another book by Kate Atkinson again after that scene.

Which was a shame as behind the scenes at the museum is one of the best books I've ever read. I've read one or two others by her but wasn't keen anyway

Books that are contrived around a 'big event' such as The Slap. Fuck I hated that book.

If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things...the whole book leads up to a shocking event. Except it's really not much of an event at all.

I just googled it and saw this review, and this is exactly how I felt about it "though you couldn't say this is a poor novel...it would be hard to imagine a paler one, its lifeblood sucked out by a Virginia Woolfish adherence to the fey, the pretend, the fortuitously elegant."

I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates overdone character description. I read The One (John Marrs), thought it was a good concept, but describing the main character? It was like he’s never met a human, let alone a woman. Something like “she tossed her glossy chestnut hair over her shoulder and pouted into the mirror, admiring how her green eyes flashed. She smoothed her t shirt over her rounded breasts and smiled at the utter wankery of this entire sentence (probably something like that)”. What woman has ever had that thought process?? I look in mirrors like “not great but probably won’t scare any children”. Writing women describing themselves with a male gaze is fucking annoying.

When I’m reading a good book, I always notice that there’s not much description of the characters beyond what you need to know for the story. And I LOVE Ben Aaronvitch’s Rivers of London series, which never uses “white” as a default with his characters. A lot of books will mention of someone is black as part of their character description, but anyone white in the story is assumed to be white without it being mentioned. In Rivers of London though, you see a lot of things like “the inspector was a tall, harried-looking white man”. Makes such a difference.

@Lydia777

My recent one is books that are fiction but based on a real life incident or people, where the event/people are used because of a lack of imagination on the author's part to come up with their own ideas.

I'm just reading a book called the Mitford Mysteries where its a cozy mystery type book but has the Mitford sisters as main characters. It is terribly written and so bland with very wet main characters. There is no need whatsoever to have the Mitford family involved at all - it is clearly a marketing ploy for people like me who will be drawn to the book because of the mention of the Mitfords. It also seems as if the author couldn't be bothered to come up with her own names/characters so just borrowed the Mitford's.

I started reading this and also gave up very quickly for the same reason. I also started reading a history/fiction, against my better judgement, about a 'feisty East End girl' between the wars. A couple of pages in, she talks about seeing Unity Mitford slipping out of a BUF meeting and her being small and delicate (or words to that effect). This irritated me no end, as it's fairly well known that Unity Mitford was tall and rather ungainly. If writers can't be arsed to do basic research I can't be bothered to read their books I'm afraid.

A book I started reading cannot even remember it but best seller - it mentioned Argos. The shop. I put it in the charity bag.

Books where it's obvious the author has never lived in the setting or bothered to study it much. 'Outlander', for example. I couldn't even read that whilst stuck in isolation with a seriously ill child and no internet, and I read Moby Dick, War and Peace, the Bible and various other religious texts and even Mein Kampf in there.

I was reading a book - I think by Margaret Forster - and it was just endless description. I looked ahead and realised none of the characters had any spoken dialogue until around page 80 - put it straight down!

So.. no Argos Sagas for me.