To not want in laws staying before and after I give birth?

[beholdthecreation]

I'm due to give birth early October. I've had hyperemesis with this pregnancy, been hospitalised and very unwell.
In laws are wanting to come over from Cyprus in august and stay with us. I haven't had any vaccines, and they'll be sleeping on our living room floor on an air bed - what was spare room is now nursery. I'm just dreading it with how I'm feeling and the fact I'll have to play hostess when I'm 4-5 weeks off giving birth.
They also plan on coming over as soon as baby is born, and again at Christmas!
AIBU to be dreading this? Or suggesting they go to BIL and DH visits them there instead for at least one of the stays??

[TellySavalashairbrush]

I agree with moving out to your mum's, while your in laws are here. However, how will your relationship work long term while you dislike your in laws as much as you do? This is not a question to annoy or provoke, but I have seen so many couples separate because one partner is not willing to have anything to do with their inlaws. I know there are sometimes very legitimate reasons for this, but unfortunately I can see problems ahead for you and think you really need to consider everything before you marry, in addition to what your child's contact with their paternal grandparents will look like.

[LaetitiaASD]

@beholdthecreation

It was meant to be our wedding so they'd booked flights and now it's cancelled they've just said oh we'll come and stay anyway. They don't give a shit about me or whether I'm stressed, they'll make me feel like shit for not giving up my bed and making them have the air bed when I'm 35 weeks!
DH always sides with them and never with me.

Change the locks a day or two before they arrive and don't let anyone in?

[HyacynthBucket]

No No No. You have got to be really firm OP and say there is no way it is going to happen. Don't ask DH. Tell him that you are not having it. I wouldn't normally suggest this, but if it is the only way to get through to him, have a meltdown, scream, say you are leaving him - anything but at top volume, so he knows you mean it. He has to put you first, not his parents. If he doesn't then leave and stay with your DM. Be absolutely firm. Having them sleep in your bed would be a lot less bad than them staying with you. You will be washing the sheets anyway. What is it with these men who do not realise where their priorities lie, or is he normally weak about everything? Look after yourself OP. Everyone should be putting you first, including you.

[1forAll74]

What do you think will happen,if you say no to these people, and you get your wish,to make your own plans. Will your Husband go into endless bad moods, or a rage even. You should be able to decide how you want things to be for yourself at this time.

[Fraine]

Zombie (sort of)

Hope all’s ok OP.

[WoMandalorian]

Ohh dear I hope they didn't end up staying OP and I certainly hope they aren't still planning to stay with you after birth!

[Immaculatemisconception]

A big fat NO should do it. Don’t hesitate or deviate.

[peachesarenom]

Just tell your DH that emotions will be running high and there may be a falling out. Better to have some space till you're a bit settled with little one!

[2bazookas]

TELL DH that he needs to find other accommodation for his parents both before and immediately after the birth. AND at Christmas.

Either with other family members, or AIR BNB.

[Confusedandshaken]

@beholdthecreation

No they won't. They just put on my and DH will make me feel like absolute shit for even mentioning the fact I'm not happy about it. He also booked for us to go to a concert while they're over so they can babysit!? I can't think of anything worse than going to a concert when I'm that far on! The whole family has rocks in their head.

You are not unreasonable to object to having inlaws stay after giving birth but I also know that this would be considered perfectly normal in many Cypriot families so there might need to be some give and take here.

Can you suggest they stay at BILs for this visit and with you for Christmas? If that doesn't work and DH really wants them there for the birth just stay in bed with your new baby and let them host themselves.

Also, don't knock going to a concert when heavily pregnant. I danced though two hours of The Communards at 38 weeks and it did me a power of good.

[BiddyPop]

Why on EARTH is this a "trending now" post, when the question is 3 months old and OP hasn't been back since then? So there is no update.

[DameFanny]

Go to your mum's. Take all the good sheets with you.

[sbhydrogen]

OP DO YOU HAVE AN UPDATE? I want to know what happened.

[Littlegoth]

@Confusedandshaken they aren’t Cypriot, they are from Bristol.

@SmithCW potential congratulations but you might want to start your own thread so you get more replies x